-It`s Hard To Find A Worthy Oscar Winner Cause Their All Fake

Fun control. -It`s not like the presidential election where it wears off after a while, it`s right in your face, says an Academy member.

-This is fake, but we want you to believe it like it was happening right infront of you.

-And they pull it of every year.

-Republicans has a lot to learn from these people. Judging from the results any random movie would perform better than the previous candidate.

-Like Italy, it`s an election every year and as Daniel Day-Lewis showed us, if your really good at faking it, you can get elected again and again and again just like Berlusconi.

-Bush would have never made it at the Oscars. He wasn`t convincing enough cause he was for real. He meant those things. Thats probably why he choose politics, cause he knew he wouldn`t get anywhere in Hollywood.

-The thought of having others put words in his mouth must have freaked him out... When you think of it. The Oscars is worse than Paralympics, their not even trying.

Photo ebbandflowphotography

Passenger Plane Nearly Hit The New Twin Towers In Dubai

Fog of war. -It`s built with a safety distance so commercial planes can fly through them.  says the Air manager at the newly opened JW Marriott Marquis in Dubai.

-We aslo look out for astroids. We might aswel while we`re up there.

-Our competitors think the though of being hit by a plane will keep guests from coming. We think it make them come. So many want to kill themselves, but nobody has dared to tap into that market. We think it`s huge.

-It`s often the reason why people travel in the first place. Things aren`t so great at home. You want to leave it all and when discovering beautiful Marriott Hotel, you want to kill yourself instead of going back to the hellhole you came from.

-We charge another $2000 for one more deadly night. And if your out of money... what do you care? Like you`ll have to worry about that.

-It`s the beauty of traveling. You can let things go.

Photo gddxb

-We Often Removed The Top Hoping Somebody Would Shoot Him

For the love of God. -Not even when we turned our blind eye to entire operations did anybody kill him. We literary had to ask him to step down, says the Pope`s personal bodyguard.

-Everywhere we went he had this creepy look who turned people of religion. We looked like a gang of dressed up bank robbers. People weren't buying it. We need a sweet potato who can make children laugh. They all cried!

-We always had to cover up for mommies "He`s not going to hurt your baby. Don`t run away on camera. If you hit him we kill you".

-People who spoke to him where like "He looks so angry". Yeas, he is. Try deal with him 24/7 knowing there is no re-election in 4 years. Where is your Kennedy killer when you need him?

-In selecting the next Pope we want to have a say. No more practical jokes. No nazis or old men. We need fresh blood. Preferably a young woman who could excite the crowds for a change.

Photo Padmanaba01

Lazy Bum Surprised Hot Dogs Aren`t Made Of Dogs

Dogma. -I was really disappointed to learn they where full of horses. If not dogs, I would expect cow, sheep or even giraffe before horse.

-I don`t know what do do. I`m a dog person. I love dogs.

Photo Silentmind8

Mental Patient Destroys Psychiatrist's Office: -I Have A Reputation To Maintain

Rockstar. -My "guardian angel" or Mr. Nightmare as I renamed after the incident, suggested I should quit the medication and get a real job. Like #@%& I will, stresses MP.

-As I sat there and discussed with him I realised I was out of arguments. Over the last 6 years I had used every possibly excuse and in a desperate attempt to avoid real life I smashed his furniture.

-So now I`m set for another 4 years of heavy medication. Yeah! God, that was close.

-If I do it again within 6 months I should be set for life. But it has to look spontaneous. I can do that. I`m good at not planning.

Photo ishane

Oscar Has Become Bigger Than The Oscars

Sex Pistols. -I get all sorts of weird calls since the world media storm. People call me asking if I can kill their girlfriend too. I`m not a gun for hire. I`m a run for hire. The one thing nature told me not to do. That is what I do, says Oscar Pistorius.

-Like Tintin. Tintin was a great runner. He ran all over the world. I know I look like a guy from The Bachelor, but who I really try to emulate is Tintin.

Photo Global Sports Forum

The Vatican Is Not Selecting A New Pope

Stepping ground. - We`re going to wing it a few years and see how it goes. Maybe no pope is better than bad pope? We`ll find out, says Cardinalious Promptious Fartology.

-In the meantime we`ll rehearse the funeral walk. We got to do something. Sooner or later Benedict will step down again. This time we want to be prepared.

-The gay rumours surrounding the abdicate is ridiculous. At this age getting enough rest is whats on his mind. Sleeping with himself is still legal.

Photo Carolus

The Police Took Pistorius`s Passport To Prevent Him From Running, What They Should Take Is His Feet

Freerunner. -No, I`m not going to the Oscars. You would think I`d at least would get a nomination. The ceremony trade in on my name. Anyway I`m stuck in South-Africa, jokes Oscar Pistorius.

-Making an appearance at the Oscars might not be the smartest move if I run away from South-Africa. Especially not when I`m charged for murder.

-If I won it would be the fastest exception speech in history. I would definitely set a world record.

Photo Global Sports Forum

Being In A Reality Show On Local Access Is Not So Hot

Mungo Tv. The show has more participators than viewers. -Our advertisers want to buy script time, meaning, time the reality contenders watch an add inserted in the shooting script, says Paul Proud at Access Everywhere.

Most people assume rating fell when they hear about the low numbers, but in reality, it never did. Local access always s#@ed.

-I though jumping on the band wagon would help, but 15 years in... I don`t know what to say. It`s like we try to emulate the bad programming we are known for by imitating the networks who imitate us.

Photo Marc van der Chijs

It's Only 7.000 Film Critics In The World And They Got Too Much Power

Fight against critical terror. The G8 leaders has had enough of the indulging self importance of movie critics world wide. -They slaughter down innocent movies like drones, says Obama.

-Too many films doesn`t get a chance to meet their audience. They are executed too early. Critics doesn`t understand how harmful a bad review can be. Or how devastating it is to the film industry.

-People die. Innocent people die, of hunger, from salaries that never come. Film critics have killed more people than any other terrorist organisation since WW2. It`s crazy. It`s been happening right under our nose and we didn`t recognise it.

-Maybe cause the movies where shit, well... most of them. Maybe..., but thats not the point. The issue at stake here is that we got a new enemy who is easy to crush and we should go after them.

-Yeah!

-Hell yeah!

-Hail Mary! Call the troops.

Photo The White House

Pistorius Got The Blade Idea From Watching Jar Jar Binks

Star Wars Episode Crazy. -I got the idea from watching the Star Wars Saga. I liked Jar Jar Binks juggling around. Then it hit me, I can do that. I can be a goofball hero, says Oscar Pistorius.

-It was either that, my pot smoking brother or  watching Blade Runner directed Ridley Scott.

-My blade is better than the human foot. I can win anything and IOC can`t stop me. I`m retarded. My next wish is that they introduce 100m kangaroo at the Olympics.

-Anytime soon now, Nike will change my add line to Just Jump. I`m unstoppable.

Photo p_c_w

South Korean Guard Watched Too Many James Bond Movies

From China with love. The guard posted on the border between the two Koreas admits involuntarily through his mannerisms that he has watched way too many Bond movies.

-He must have seen the whole collection at least 50 times. He got the moves right down. Every line, gesture, posture... it`s creepy, says his boss.

-Nobody understands why he is secretly into acting, but he must understand the world is not ready for an Asian Bond. It`s not happening.

-First there has to be a black Bond and that`s a long way coming. Maybe a Q or M, but not James, even though James works as the name for a black character.

Photo James Cridland

NBA Player Repealed Gravity

Oh my God! -The bastard can fly. It`s unbelievable! Jesus Christ. Did you see that? yells coach Harrison as his new player fly up in the air. -We have to move to an outdoor facility or he`ll crash in the roof.

The until now unknown NBA player studied Astronautics at Stanford University and agrees with his coach that space exploration have helped him become a better basketball player.

-Cause he can`t play. He has no ball control whatsoever. He`s terrible at passing the ball and has no understanding of the game.

Jerky, as his team mates call him, disagree. -I suck cause I`m a selfish bastard. I don`t care about the game. All I want to do is go to the moon and thats what I try to do when I get the ball. I try to relive that Apollo moment. For me the game is like a space shuttle launch reenactment. I only dunk to get the audience with me.

-I didn`t make it at NASA. You know, I was too impatient. Always asking: when am I going to the moon? Hey! I said when am I, I! going to the moon? I don`t have all day. I lasted two hours there. So I played the race card to get back in.

-It didn`t work, but it got me a place in NBA to shut me up. "We figured you like that game, huh". I do, but I never played it. As long as I view it as space exploration. How far can I push my team players? What is at the other side of the basket? Is there life on the basket? Things like that. Then it works.

-And thats what I tell my kids. Aim lower.

Photo Erik Charlton's photostream

Taliban Failed In Their Attempt To Claim Credit For The Meteor Damage

Strike! -We know it was a meteor, says the Russian authorities. But in our hearts of hearts we wish they where right. It hurts seing the Americans fight alone in Afghanistan.

-Give us a better reason to join. 50 years ago we could have sold this to the public as a nuclear rocket from USA who didn`t detonate, but today... nobody will buy that. Not even Taliban.

 Photo davedehetre

Anonymous Airline Merges With American Airlines

Fly hard. -It`s been hard running a company who`s afraid of flying, so I`m proud to say we are now done with the 12 step program and ready to enter the air, says AA CEO Tom Horton who`s getting a ridiculous $20 million to get the hell out of there.

-I know it`s unfair, but it`s unfair in my favor.

Photo Simon_sees

Bono Offered The Pope Gig: -Not In A Million Years

Bono: -I got to go. There must be a rock gig somewhere.

Centre stage. -I`ll do it, Al Gore cuts in. I need that position. I need that platform. !!!!! It`s my last shot at global dominance. Global warning didn`t work as I intended. Religion is a much better place to scare people into doing as I say.

-I`ve tried politics. I nearly made it. I tried scary monster movie, got me a Nobel Peace price, nearly made it... I`m sick of not making it. I need a victory.

-I`m getting old. Look, I lost weight like Clinton. I can do this. Give me a shot. Please?

-For the love of God, notice my hair. Who at my age has real awesome hair? No one, except me! Hire me.

Photo World Economic Forum

Christopher Walken Impersonator Caught Stealing His Act

-What?

Art limitate life. The young mormon had remade every Christopher Walken movie ever made back to back in his basement.  Even the onces where he didn`t get the part.

He was caught during dress rehearsal at Saturday Night Live when Walken was hosting the show. He charged 2 dollar a movie. 3 with a cow bell. The staff picked up on it when the mormon asked the prop manager for some more cow bell.

NBC is amused by the story and have a sense mormonism might have something to do with it. -It doesn`t seem like the right fit for the young man. Only a trapped soul would do something like that... This could be a great Christopher Walken movie. What an idea! Trapped in Religion, says CEO of NBC Stephen B. Burke.

-But the kid would never sell the rights... Press charges!

Photo ikrichter

EU Sends The Horse Meat Back To Romania After It Has Been Digested

When in Rome. To million pigs has been rented to eat the horse meat wrongly sold to 17 countries as steak.

The remains will be transported back to Romania and dumped on the border.

The European Food Administration has the following comment to their response. -Shit happens.

Photo NotrucksNolife  

The Race Towards Europe`s Frozen Disks

Horseshit. Romanian farmers sold horse meat disguised as steak to 17 countries.

How full of shit can you be? Pretty full apparently.

Photo tpower1978

Few Hollywood Stars Turn Pornstars

Fake and forgotten. -We had plenty the other way, but few in that order. It`s not a turn on. I think they feel like they`ve reached the top and thats it.  Except the chosen few who push it even further like governor or astronaut. Hollywood star astronaut is my favorite, says Creative Artist Guy.

-There is a few HS become carpenter, car mechanic, but their not that interesting. Their like plumber become servant. Who cares? I`l like to hear HS become slave.

-There`s always a few HS become less famous and does crazy shit to get back on top. I love those. Man, I love those. Thats what it`s all about. From next to nothing and boom your in again, like an astroid.

Photo InSapphoWeTrust

Only A Retard Would Mistake His Girlfriend For A Burgular

Run Forrest, run. The South African sport icon Oscar Pistorius, also known as Blade Runner, is held custody by the Police after finding her model girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp shot dead in the pool on Valentine`s Day.

WMA has no clue what happened other than thousands of people suffer the same tragedy in this region who is the most violent place on earth. Therefor we will not keep you updated as this story unfolds. We`ll just leave you with that.

Photo Nick J Webb

Tennis Sensation Azarenka Victoria Got 4 Million Valentine Cards

Valentine`s car

Ticket to ride. -I don`t have to worry about my visa when I travel abroad. Ha ha ha. Don`t write that down, says Victoria.

-Sleeping with all of them is a bad move for my tennis career. Chances are 200.000 of them got something.

-There is no time for practise and having a distance relationship with 4 million guys. Just the traveling...

-So I have to choose. Fame or more fame. I`m not used to be hit on like this. Usually I do the hitting. Could I handle 4 million tennis balls coming at me. Sure. But men? If I could use the racket.

 Photo Bob B. Brown

After Firing 18 Million Movie Bullets, Schwarzenegger Thinks It`s A Bit Late To Promote Gun Control

The last cause. -I really wanted to join the celebrity against guns, but I wasn`t asked. Neither did they return my calls. I kept putting messages on their machine saying I can give you a lot of attention, then I got an email reading "We got all the attention we need". Those bastards! It made me feel like some useless old shit.

-I told myself. I`ll show those punks! I got my gun and went over to their office and for one second there, I seriously thought about going for it. Then I thought about something else. Next thing you know I was in my car heading for the gas station.

-Thats when I had the epiphany. I should be talking about the environment. What a silly day.

Photo Gage Skidmore

Bruce Willis Doesn`t Get Tired Of Dying

Serial suicide. -I quite enjoy it. Death has been good to me. It gave me the brake of a lifetime. Success, women, fun... most people would kill themselves for a week of this. Thank God they make sequels. If Hollywood are going to kill me again they have to keep me alive.

Photo Ton Haex

Attempted Muslim Zones Creators Are Redirected To The Ocean

Cold welcome. -We have plenty of water around us and you are welcome to use it any time states UK Prime Minister David Cameron in a wet release.

-I think the men should jump first, says muslim woman. The water looks cold. Where are they?

Photo Roberto Trm

North Korea Has The Largest Selections Of #@%& On Their Bank Notes

Unfair trade. Their all bad. Every single one of them. There is not one North Korean Won who`s not infested with evil. It`s contagious. Even the ink is poisonous.

Not to speak about the coins. They're unstable. Thy can explode any time. It's like being surrounded by Satan, says North Koreans.

Photo panaxy

Old Man Fake Pelvis Problems To Hit On Younger Men

The trap. -I always get them to touch my balls, says the old fart.

-The second time they usually get it, but they don`t know what to do. Their not used to being framed by a perv my age.

-My oldness is both my bait and my savior. I`ve never dry humped so many since I got old. Thank God for retirement.

Photo Ed Yourdon

Drug Cartel To Follow In The Footsteps Of North Korea: Get Nukes!

Standing on the shoulders of lunatics. Mexican Druglords is looking to North Korea for survival inspiration. Several has contacted Kim Jong-un to make an offer he can`t resist.

-The challenge dealing with him is that he can. There is no logic, it`s pure madness. I mean, he is on a power trip of dimensions. I offered his people food, says Escobar the second.

-Even China is scared and they fear no one. No one! If that guy don`t end up like bin Laden I don`t know what will happen. It`s either him or the entire country. About time with some communist Jesus killin. For the country Kim, for the country.

Photo Wikimedia

The Vatican Seek Old Senile Man With Criminal Background

20th Century Farao. Open auditions are held outside St. Peters Church every day until the Cardinals find a suitable character. Closed auditions are also held in selected prisons around the Christian world. They particularly look for someone who has inhaled marijuana and master the art of unintentional farting.

Photo dslrtravel.com

Jeb Bush 2016: White Men Run For Power While They Still Can

Family house. -What is my qualifications? Do I need any? Look, I`m here to restore my family name, not America, says Jeb Bush to a reporter from some newspaper.

-Hey, my brother was a president. How hard can it be? It`s only 4 years, 8 tops.

-Don`t ask me questions, okay. We both know this will be the final showdown against the Clintons. Whoever wins walks away with the number one spot in history. And it ain`t me. Wait, let me rephrase that.

Photo World Affairs Council of Philadelphia

Celebrity Disappointed She Hasn`t Had A Breakdown Since Yesterday

Break it down. -What am I going to tell the press? says Famous Anonymous member.

-I have to shut down my blog. My fans will hate me. I`m hitting the wall here...

Photo Josh Friedman

Daniel Craig Voted Russia`s Sexiest Man

To Russia with love. -It`s the first time I`ve actually felt the sky fall down on me. Cause I didn`t feel it during the shoot. I have to be on top of my game to pull off this act. James Bond is not a sissy. But when I got the call from Kremlin I felt like Obama getting the call from the Nobel Committee: What? says Daniel Craig.

-At first I thought it was a joke. Off course. But when they told me Putin insists I come to Moscow on Wednesday I felt itchy. What do you mean by insists? -If you choose not to he will send a real agent after you Mr... -Bond, the name is Bond, James Bond.

-Well, Mr Bond, we have seen all your movies and there is nothing British about you. Your background is constantly referred to as orphan, but we know better than that don`t we... Mr. Bond?

Photo Liam Mendes

The Woman Who Got The North Korean Missile In The Head Says It Hurts

Still in shock from being hit by the nuclear test missile.
-My whole day is ruined.

Raindrops falling from the sky. -My hair is all messed up. Nobody wants to talk to me in case I`m radio ative. I have to sew several stitches. I didn`t know it was this bad to survive a nuclear Holocaust, says Emma.

-The doctor is furious, but there is nothing he can do. He works for the country and says I should be happy I`m a foreigner. Otherwise they would have killed me to improve the results.

Photo Poldavo

MMA Fighter Amazed By The Joy He Feels From Beating People

Mixed feelings. -One day I looked in the mirror and said to myself "I`m a fighter, not a student". Then I cracked up. An before I knew it I put on an angry face to hide my emotions. I would not risk to be seen this happy. Not even in my own bathroom, says Victory.

-The doctor gave me testosterone to calm down. I had to do something about the situation. I could not continue getting into trouble at Uni. Blod appeared everywhere I went. On the floor. On people. Especially in the mouth section. Sometimes the roof. Always the clothes.

-The answer was fighting.

-I took up MMA and beat my way up the ladder. Taking down one after another. Cause they only let me fight one at a time... If I could do 15, that would be more me. Like a gang beating.

-It`s really hard to keep my motivation up when I don`t get to use my multi beating skills. I mean, it is mixed not multi fighting, so it`s okay, but if it hadn`t been for the joy of damaging people to the limit of their existence I could not keep up.

-That`s what I tell myself everyday. Hey, remember the joy of violence.

Photo Leonardo Camacho

It`s In Our Parents Best Interests To Have Interests Of Their Own

Adult care. -I have to live with these people. I know how they get if they don`t unwind. It`s a freaking nightmare. They should get a life beside me and work - one of their own! says Antonio.

-Cause I`m sick of all the attention. It prepares me for a position that is available only for a selected few with royal blood. Which mean`s I`ll end up striving to be a reality star at 50.

-Seriously, is work that important to our parents? Would they do it without the money? Off course not. Then, how important can it be? So much that it needs a VIP standing at the dinner table? Get a life!

-And allow me to have one.

Photo David Light Orchard

DJ Jesus Turned 5 Loaves Of Bread & 2 Fish Into One Giant Turd

Personal best. -Jesus Christ, he blocked the toilet. Bastard! How dare he in my house, says the mother of DJ J`s best friend.

-It was a spiritual awakening for me. I understand now why Jesus choose to share with his friends and feed the poor. If he had eaten it himself it could have killed him. What better way of getting rid of rotten fish than serving it to the poor.

-I get religion now. I understand what it`s all about. It`s about sharing the good and the bad. I always thought I had to give away the best stuff. So it never appealed to me. I wanted that for myself. But this diarrhea opened my eyes. I can see now. I can see iJesus. Halleluja.

Photo messycupcakes

Droneliner Can Take Down 290 Terrorists In One Flight

Angry drone

Angry birds. The Obama administration is working on the last details in their answer to the critic of Unmanned Aerial Vehicle.

-If we put the terrorist inside the plane and drop it from the sky, then we`re not using UAVs to kill terrorists. We using gravity. And gravity is natural. And natural is ethical. Even ecological. Say hello to our global agriculture program.

-Boeings new plane might not be a Dreamliner for the company, but it certainly is for us.

Photo Hey Paul

Single Minded Man Really Good At Multi Damaging

Money minded. With the overal goal of making money there is no limits to the damage he can cause.

-I`d say for every dollar he make, he creates negative 6 dollars in damage control. The problem, or the solution as he see it, is that he does not have to deal with that, says friend and long time buddy Izard Harrison.

-He was the major contributor to the financial crisis, several national emergencies and countless other disasters. Word has it he even cause an earthquake.

-I think he`s been in 200 car accidents and indirectly caused 1400. How he survived is a mystery to the insurance company. Not me. Thats $75 million, right there.

-Then there was... how do I put it without getting into trouble... I can`t.

-Normal is not enough for M. I call him M. M for money. Being an average multi billionaire does not satisfy him. In fact nothing satisfies him. Not even the hunger for more. It makes him more hungry, like XXXL hungry. Like "would you like more hungry with that?"

-His face is a black hole who sucks you inn. It`s like he can eat with his eyes.  When he sees something he want, the look on his face change, like he`s eating it with his brain. While his ears are drooling. Ugh!

-He ate a table once. He didn`t notice he`d finished and kept on eating the plate, fork, table, chair, eventually a fire truck came to save the restaurant. He spent 2 weeks in a mental hospital and got away with it. Bastard. Yada... some people are more themselves than others.

Photo George M. Groutas

EuroLotto Winner Buys Michigan

With her husband who is really happy
they married before she won and didn`t
sign a prenup.

Shop Leck Monster. The woman who won €195 millions at the EuroLotto says she was surprised to find out there was few items on sale in that price range. And the few who was where difficult to buy as an individual.

-First I though they didn`t take me serious cause I was a woman, but then I realised this had nothing to do with the battle of the sexes. Nobody had ever asked for the price on New York before. Which I find ridiculous cause the tourist info seemed to know everything else about the city.

-Apparently it `s not for sale... it´s stupid. Everything has it`s price. If I`d won more I`d buy earth, but some tings are off limits even to us with €195 millions to spend. But for that kind a money, I should at least be able to get a peace of the apple.

 Photo Montage Communications

Shale Gas Survivor Talks About Going Against Big Corporations

Natural farts. -A lot of people acuse me of using my age against them saying stuff like "...but they would never hit an old man. Why don`t you do something daring to impress me, like bungee jumping?".

-As a matter of fact, they will hit me and they have, but I hit back. Getting kicked by an old timer shuts up the badest of crocks. Thats why they let me rally against them. They know whats waiting if they don`t.

-I know Karate, Ju Jitsu, boxing and I`m a gunsmith by trade and I do drugs. I`m not your average Hombre. I`ve sniffed it ever since I saw Apocalypse Now. -I love the smell of shale gas in the morning... I kick ass for a living.

Photo Visual Artist Frank Bonilla

An Estimated 60.000 Armstrong Photo`s Removed From Offices

"I want my money back"

Photo down. After the Oprah interview, an unprecedented amount of offices where slightly redecorated.

According the CIA World Factbook, it was mostly business people who had meet Armstrong between 1-5 seconds and in a desperate attempt to restore social status removed all traced of the $50 photo up.

Photo planetc1

Drug Cartels Give Their Support To Lance

DOPEC. -We feel for you man, hands down, if you get problems with future delivery, we`ll be there for you. You have been like Jesus for us, says a secret spokesman for DCA (Drug Cartel Association).

-Armstrong has enormous street cred among smugglers. They scratch their heads wondering how he did it. And right infront of everybody! The whole world was watching. With that kind of attention, none of them would make it through airport security. The least France. On a bike!

Photo Gideon Tsang

Taj Mahal Forbids Gang Rape

Love boat. -It is not the kind of love we promote here, says the guide at Taj Mahal. -After hearing about the gang rapes in New Delhi we pay more attention to the busloads of tourists now.

-Everybody has to take of their headset and change mindset before entering the cradle of love. As a safety precaution we allow only pairs of two to enter simultaneously.

-We know that the old mogul rulers probably where in favor of gang rapes. At least when it was in their favor. It has to come from somewhere. This is not a phenomenon that spreads from the bottom up.

-My major challenge as a guide is to defend the Kama Sutra positions engraved in the walls. People are having sex all over the place. I always lose those debates. It is so humiliating and I beg every time, please, wait to prove me wrong till you get back to New Delhi.

Photo Asitjain

Playstation 4 - Get Ready For Cloud Games

Game of gone. Superman has secretly been working for Sony since he was laid off from Daily Planet.

-Apple had a great offer, but they didn`t need my help, says Superman.

-Sony was a train wreck. It craved to be saved and I needed the action. I can`t live without it. If I use my power disguised as Superman or a real life 3D cloud animator... I don`t care.

Photo charlesfettinger

North Korea Is Glad Hillary Clinton Is Gone

Losers-Élysées. Says North Korea in a public press release and add that they would prefer if USA didn`t replace her.

"We see no need for the US of A to interfere with our business. They let the Nazi`s go about their day, then they should let us do the same. I should not be treated worse than Hitler", says Kim Jong-un.

"I have plans for North Korea and they crash with US policy to put it mildly. One of us have to step down and it will not be me. I did not cause the financial crisis, neither did I force it upon someone else, case closed".

Photo Stephan

US Debt Amounts To 176 Katrinas

Debt damage. The total property damage from Hurricane Katrina was estimated $81 billion. That is less than 1 pr cent of the growing $14.3 trillion in debt.

-Our economy has been hit by at least 200 hurricanes, says Obama in an interview with Polar Bear Magazine. The issue is so hot it melts the polar ice caps. If I raise the debt ceiling any more it can melt the moon.

-Thats why I ended the Apollo program. I don`t want an astronaut to die in space cause the moon melted. How stupid would that look?

-We have to get our hearts and minds to focus on global warming and realize it`s caused by our overheated economy. 1883 people died in New Orleans. If we don`t stop Hurricane Economica before it hits 325757 Americans will die.

-Who knows what will happen after that? It can set the universe on fire.

Photo John Althouse Cohen

USA Hope China Collapse Before They Pay Back

Freedom of debt. -That`s why we stall it. If we do it long enough, we don`t have to pay. It would suck if we did before they collapse, says US Secretary of Treasure Chubaka.

-If we wait a little, we can use our debt to rebuild China in our image.

Photo Department of Treasury

Drone Fishing

Global fishing campaign. Running low on money forced USS Lassen to look for new food suplies.

-Our budget doesn`t allow for much after the military cuts. So I thought, lets do as combat Jesus, feed the boat with 2 drones and 5 water mines, says US Army Head.

Photo Official U.S. Navy Imagery