Fuck it. The broadcast never made it to air, but is said to be legendary. Even censorship laughed with tears in their eyes as the grand old weatherman ridiculed them, the network and every viewer sitting at home watching. In 30 years, when they release the tapes, we`ll see what happened. Until then we`ll just have to settle with our imagination.
Panic. Several parents reports of increasing traffic jams inside their kids playrooms. -The floor isn`t keeping up with all the toy cars. I have to get up two hours earlier in the morning just to get my kids out of bed before rush hour. Then I gotta drive them to the toilet, school & soccer practice. I`m considering moving our house into my car so I can actually spend some time with my kids.
Picture perfect. The facebook life editing program, where you can delete bad behavior and present a perfect version of yourself online has it`s limits. It turns out your not the only editor of your story. Others might have another view of you and might feel the need to make a directors cut if the version you present of yourself alters too much with their perception of you. The bigger the difference, the awesomer the new cut and let`s not forget the hot new bonus material!
Nobody cares. The web is flooded with top tens lists. List of crap you would newer pay attention to unless they where stuffed together with other crap it has nothing in common with except for the sexy tittle. Which makes it perfect for what web users do anyway, read the tittle and move on...
Propaganda holiday. Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, the list goes on and on. What drives these men to go powersurfing to North Korea? Is it the bomb? The need for leadership? The local lack of food? Is it a fat camp? Cause it can`t be the technology, or the culture. Why would you learn North Korean? What is it that makes these successful men choose North Korea rather than France when they go traveling? Leaders discretion?
Recovery. -It`s mainly the one day wonders and the wannabe`s who get into that shit nowadays. The residents stopped years ago. Too many cameras around. Back in the days the rich and famous crossed the line cause they wouldn`t get caught. Now they cross it cause they will be caught. I`m so sick of fame I replaced the carpets in my house with a wooden floor. They wheren`t even red man!
The Smurfs. Sylvester Stallone and the rest of the cast in the Expendables has won the hearts and minds of the cinema people around the world. How the hell did he do it, asks the US Army. -We`ve been trying for the last 7 years and nothing... They even paid to see that film!!!
Republicans anonymous. -We feel now that the best thing to do to after our 8 years in office is of just to drink it off. Try to forget, hit the pub and live in the now. What has been has been. Why do we have to clean up the mess we created? Let somebody else do it. In the mean time - we`ll be in the pub!
New monster. Global warming isn`t working any longer, so we need another "scary monster". Nuclear bombs are perfect. The doomsday scenario is real enough to frighten you into giving us influence over your life. Even though we don`t have a single bomb:) Ha ha!
Not ready for prime time. Some guys never get enough of what they can`t get. Maybe it`s about growing up, maybe it`s that their just men. The new NFHM Men`s Magazine hits the stands today. As if there aren`t enough already. Well actually, there is. But hey, who cares? Certainly not the featured women.
Culture disorder. Millions are affected without even having any of the symptoms that usually are associated with the disease. -No, their fine, their smart, educated, think highly of themselves and others and live normal lifes. The only difference between them and Euromericans is that they don`t need help when the help is coming.
Death car. Instead of giving him the electric chair, the Chinese sent him to Toyota and told them to do whatever they want with him as long as he dies. -We did the hybrid testing in North Korea and after much trial and error we ended up with a car that still kills, but not electronicly.
Danger to men. She was last seen beating her husband in public outside the palace of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. The palace guards tried to stop her, but she was just to much for them. According to the surveillance cameras she raped them afterwards. The Iranian elite promise 1 billion rial in reward to anyone who can bring her head on a plate. So far none has dared to try.
Male paradise. Not everybody wants to free Iran. Especially not the men. If there is anybody who gains anything from this regime, it`s the men who can walk around and fuck any woman they want without even having to pay. Let`s face it, Iran is Islam`s Las Vegas.
Same potential. -It`s not that hard to use an iPad, iPhone or iPod. Shiit, why don`t you try writing messages on cavewalls, send smoke signal and play music with rocks and we`ll se how fucking smart you look?!
Rich motherfuckers. -Hey, we like it the way it is, we don`t want sales tax on our drug exports. We like Americans to keep thinking we are poor and to continue buying our stuff on the black market without realizing the cleaning job at Walmart is just a fucking cover.
He had it all. The axis of evil (Iran, North Korea & Iraq), the war on terror, weapons of mass destructions, he was right on the money. Coming out of the cold war people just weren`t ready yet for a reality where bad people, not Nations, could set off a nuclear bomb anywhere in the world...
War on war. Nuke bombers, the next generation of suicide bombers, have problems getting their hands on warheads that can blast up to 4 million people way. -The conventional airplane is more accessible, but it`s not scary any longer. We need something bigger to blow people`s minds and regular car bombs doesn`t do it anymore, says the leader of Al Qaeda`s Fallujah project.
Weakened enemy. -If we can`t beat them now, we`ll never beat them. After 30 days we`ll se whos a real muslim. If they haven`t died from hunger by then their fake and will loose face among their own. So we`re just gonna sit down and let this war end of natural causes.
Hunger strike. WHO hope the vast majority of muslims survive the self-imposed famine. UN troops stand by to ship food into emergency areas around the world at short notice. -We don`t fear as much for those in the West as those in the Arab world, says UN food for religion spokesman. In Europe and America, muslims are more and more seen in fast food chains and pubs as the strike gets ridiculously long. But in the muslim world it`s not that easy to ch/eat. On the upside, it might help US troops in Afghanistan.
World mosque centre. The muslim authorities in New York opens for building two mosques at Ground Islam. -We conquered it, bitch!, says cheif architeht Muhammed. -We fucking nailed it. The mosque will house a terrorist training facility, an explosive department and a suicide room.
Human planet. Earth, or the great stage among aliens, premieres with a new show from the face off earth this fall on Galactic Box Office. For thoose who don`t have satelite it`s available on space-ray. And you can also download it from the universe or watch the eternal re-runs on YouTube. Negotiations with Recovery Channel for a second season of GlobeShow fell through since the planet wasn`t fucked up enough for the Intergalactic Spacecasting Network. One executive says they might be more interested when earth gets closer to Armageddon - that`s television!
The battlerom. Whoever wins in Afghanistan doesn`t matter. This is where the real war is being fought. -My absence qualifies me as a judge to whoever deserves to win, says Ray, a 32 year old plumber from Ohio. -My opinion counts more than what the soldiers do on the ground. This big ass tv is all I need to make a qualified judgement.
Just rape them. Hamas new political slogans for the dictator state is a hit among men. -We want control over our women. We want them to do as we say and take the blame for fucking everything we do wrong. It`s a mans religion, baby. No freedom, no cry.
Marketing dept. The high profile terrorist organization scores an all time high on the Nielsen rankings. -We`re very happy with our public terrorists. They do a hell of a job messing with the minds and hearts of western people. With clever use of manipulated data they manage to get more publicity than the Coca Cola company on a fraction of the budget. Yes, fear sells. That`s our slogan: we did it. We might have done one percent of the shit we claim, nobody have the exact number cause it would be too embarrassing.
Piracy. The spread of illegal technology hurts the nuclear industry. Technology sharing is not in itself illegal. However, the popularity of the atomic bomb in the late 90`s led to the release and growth of Irans nuclear program and other organizations like Hamas and Al Qaeda that support stolen technology sharing. -We might loose 1.2m jobs and 240bn euros only in Europe, unless this madness stops, says a nuclear insider.
Home religion. 400 million followers worldwide makes the Ikeadom shopping concept the most profitable cash religion in the capitalistic world. Their shopping hangars are so popular customers leave their kids in ballroom displays for pedophiles to get a few extra hours inside.
4th season. Mad women goes into it`s fourth season on AMC. In this season the independent women face a new decade with other values. Not every man is up for the bitchslappin of the zero`s anymore and Brown Draper might have to swallow some blonde afterall.
Squinty eyes. It`s why their yellow. The smog colors their skin. Scientist have yet to find out why their hair stay so prominent black when the sky is grey. -Doesn`t make sense, does it? First we though the straw hats protected them, but after the Chinese changed work from rice fields to factories, it didn`t get any greyer.
No logic. Why the killing afterwards? -Muwha hawha wahaa wwha hwmw ha wzwzæwrxz zxzxw. And you where saying? -Mhwzahaha hazahaza hahqzaqaz kzzz. And your point is? -Ha sha ha sha ha ha mzawzzw xzxzq. How can a dumb zwzxz like you put up with the West for 8 years?!
Fat farm. -His spare tires are hurting our sales. So, we`re sending him on a fat camp, says Dolly Triumph, owner of the miss Michelin contest. -He`s not exactly a beauty anymore, who wants to go around with love handles the size of car tires? We hope the weight loss will get our company back in shape.
Come to daddy.Visit North Korea kicks off a massive add campaign to attract foreign tourists to the country. -We need the money, we need their clothes, their skills, we need everything. A 2 year vacation costs the same as a 2 weeker, but you can`t get the 2 weeks. If you visit North Korea, don`t plan on seeing your family anytime soon, if ever... Have a long trip!
Public secret. WikiLeaks has published a secret chapter in the Afghan war diaries that can`t be opened by the public. WikiSecrets refuse to announse the password cause it will harm the very government and corporate misconduct they try to reveal.
The savior. The former Haitian, who has newer sung in her whole life, wants to be lead singer in Fugees. -Yeah, fuck yeah, says the earthquake victim. If that fucker thinks he can run our country without any political experience, sure, why not. Somebody gotta save Fugees. The band has been a disaster since Wyclef Jean left.
Angry water. The Pakistan government want to sue the world water reserves for dirty water dumping. -We have enough dirt as it it! It was flooding with shit before you came. Jesus.., what do you think we are, an international garbage dump?
Cheaper than armies. -We just send out businessmen with loads of cash and the usual lubrication to get control over the worlds natural resources. It`s so easy. The West is so fucked after 10 years of terrorism, our best buying point is we`re not them, says a Chinese delegate at the World Economic forum.
Go figure. -That why it was so expensive. We had 500 Secret Service guys making sure she didn`t sneak inn. The bitch nearly destroyed the president and his marriage. -Thanks god shes old, says Bill. Word has it she got an unofficial restraint order of 10 thousand miles and is banned to perform in the White House. She put on quite a show. It`s the most known blow job to mankind and nobody saw it.
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Supreme asshole of Iran. Ali Khamenei should taste his own justice and so should also every muslim man who rape and kill women with stones. If muslim men keep treating women like this, it won`t be long until the war on terror is replaced by war on men.