There Isn't A Plastic Surgeon In The World Who Can Save Putins Face Now

 

-He could try a total reface, there are clinics in Central America who proced such operations, but he has to arrive there alive. The surgeons can't fix a dead body. Not in the shape he'll be in, says European Army Scientics, Adaku Musa, from Nigeria, at The African Union War House in Addis Abada in Ethiopia.

-Getting to Central America in one piece, forget it. Not now. If he come with a plane, they will shoot him down. Somebody. Anybody. Doesn't matter at this point. He's toast. He's not making it outside Russia alive and it's only a matter of time how long he can survive inside. 

-Besides, I don't think they operate war criminals, criminals for sure, but not war criminals, it's bad for business, who wants to be associated with that?! Or Europeans? They're a mess!

Image created by AI / public domain

Aliens Pick Up Unusual Activity On Earth

-Everything happening on the surface of earth is visable anywhere in the universe, so the Russian army is defenitly destroying earth's reputation in space, if we have one, says head of earth tourism at NASA Olivia Smith.

-If there is intelligent life in space, we can't expect them to want to come here. I seriously doubt they would see us as intelligent. Who in space would want to go to earth and risk having to deal with the Russian army?

-I hope there is hyper inteligent life out there who notice whats happening in Ukraine right now and isn't afraid of intervention.

Photo by NASA/Apollo 17 crew; taken by either Harrison Schmitt or Ron Evans

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The Russian Empire Hacks Back

In what seems to be an act of teenage frustration, the not so mighty bear of the East, lashes out on its former slave nation, for not acting as it wants.

One might wonder, what Russia, with it's 0.02% of the worlds population got to gain from behaving like a hack. Not much, judging from history.

If there is one lesson to be learned from the Sovjet Union, it's don't do it again.

Don't be such a bitch. You lost. Empires is a thing of the past. Buy Lego instead and deal with your ego there. You have to grow up. 

If there's any reconciliation, the winner wasn't all sunshine either, but still capable of being far worse than you. 

Which is why you should shut the fuck up and stop deluding yourself with greatness before the international community once more take you down, this time maybe for good.

Whatever the cost.

Illustration Public Domain