-Ice Bucket Challenge? NO THANKS!

Melting Plot. -I'm not even going to explain that one. What are you humans doing. What on earth are you up to? Not even a person with Lou Gehrig's disease would do that, says the Polar bear.

-Do you want to swop places..? I'm in - anytime.

Photo Happy Jack

George W. Bush Presidential Library No 1 Destination For Party Animals

Only in America.
Word. -It's basically turned into a frat house. We noticed it on our opening day. There was a lot of request for books about cocaine addition, but nobody read them. Two minutes later we would find them on the floor somewhere, says the librarian.

-The toilets where really popular in the beginning. Everybody had to go to there all the time. So we figured out we got to find a way to get these people to read. The answer was much easier than anticipated; beer.

-It's much better to drink and read than drink and drive. How drunk can you get on beer really? So we introduced a two drink minimum. Now, the toilets are used for vomiting and urinating volumes of piss. And the kids are reading again. Who said they don't like litterature?

-We're lending out so much easy listening books and erotic fiction we're putting bookstores to shame. Their only closing down cause they don't know how to run them. You got to know your audience.

-And parents don't have to worry about their teenagers going to some bad gangster party on Friday night, cause they know there's no drinking pressure at the George W. Bush Presidential Library, but we have to give people a choice. Who knows, one day they might become President too. All it takes is the right parents.

-Books is certainly not taking you that far.

Map Google Maps

Caught Cheating On His Wife On Google Street View

U-Turn. -I was looking for directions to my best friends new place and there he was banging her right in front of me on my iPad, says Sharon.

-I drove over immediately. I was too furious to realise it wasn't live. When I smashed my way into the bedroom, braking furniture for thousands of dollars, suddenly I too had some explaining to do since neither of them was there.

-So I let him have it. What are friends for? You can't buy love.

Photo Robbie Shade

-The Nobel Peace Prize Should Be Dynamite Not Award Money

-There's a few things I want to get off my chest. This is very close to my 
heart.
Satisfaction. -It's completely misunderstood. Nobel invented dynamite. He understood we would use this on ourselves, lets use it on the bad ones. He tried to set a standard, says Keith Richards.

-When Obama got it, he got a licence to blow up the world. He could have ended the misery in the Middle East the next day, but he didn't, cause he got cash.

-What difference does a few lousy millions do? It's not enough to build a school. The winner should get the prize money in bombs who expire 2 days after the award ceremony.

Photo Wikipedia

Putin Marks Territory In Eastern Ukraine

Redrawing the world map. -I urinate on the buildings I want and I take a dump on those we can bomb, says Putin.

-I have to drink beer to keep this up. I've never been unable to come up with enough shit and piss. This is new for me .

-It's a bit humiliating taking off my pants in the middle of the road and take a shit. It's not the kind of thing I'm used too. I mean, not publicly.

Photo azattyp.org

Luxembourg Seek Peace Treaty with Russia

Make a wish. -But we're not at war, says Putin. -Thats's right, but we never know when your in charge, points the prime minister of Luxembourg out.

-Judging from what you're doing in Eastern Europe building your own little mini Russia in the heart of Europe doesn't seem too far off.

-Think about it. You don't have the balls to invade Germany. They'll put up a hell of a fight, but Luxembourg? It's a walk in the park.

Photo Sludge G

-I Get A Lot Of Pussy

Ladies horse. -It's so big they have to see it. It's like this need they have. I'm not even trying. Yet I'm the most popular man in town.

-It's weird. Every date I'm on they reserve table for 10. Just because I'm hung like a horse it doesn't mean I eat like one. Having that said, I can gain 40 pounds and women don't care. Their not seeing me for my fitness.

-I hear guys get big shoes with silicon. I understand them. Don't underestimate the power of size. But the ladies will be disappointed when they realise it's a garden hose.

Photo Business Insider

Snowy Egret Doesn't Care About Punk Rock

Bad to the bone. -He's only interested in sex, food and sleep. Exactly like the Sex Pistols, says wildlife observer Pat from Florida.

-I bet he cares as little about flying as the Pistols does about their music.

Photo Andy Morffew

What Where They Thinking?

Aircastle. -They weren't, they where dreamers, but somehow they managed to build it. They must have been so stoned. Hashish came much later, but one can evoke the same feeling by being high on oneself, especially in Kremlin, says local.

-I think people where happy the leaders was occupied with building rather than people.

-Thats why you see these flagship buildings around the world. Good times.

Photo Wikipedia

Old Study Shows Scientists Tried To Solve Problem

Old is the new ancient. -I can't figure out what the problem was, but it seems like they tried very hard to fix it. What surprised me the most was how well developed they where. They had their own language, surprisingly close to ours, they had cars, planes, electricity...

-It amazes me that the civilisations before us could get that far before they collapsed.

Photo Tulane Public Relations

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...