Immigration to Somalia

Somalian Migration Program has 234, 300 places available for skilled warriors. To get a Somalian Fighting Visa applicants must pass the Visa Eligibility Assessment test. And the test is to survive the first two weeks.

Disney Planet

Disney World want to open not a new park, but an entire planet out in space. The Disney Company has put in a bid for the moon. It has already covered our world with parks and movies. In the spirit of Walt Disney, it`s time to moon on.

Disney Adult Channel

In an ever expanding attempt to take over the world Disney is now moving into the adult industry. If the revenue is greater than the loss of regular income Disney will probably remake their entire film library for an adult audience.

Kebab Death

More people have died from kebab than the swine flu. Not so strange considering the kebab is filthier than the swine.

Internet Killed the Tv Star

Todays youth don`t care about television. The medium who once made stars can`t keep up with technology any longer and is being replaced by internetvision as the one & only media in the world.

That's one small step for mind, one giant leap for mindkind.

Leader`s Republic of China

When asked why they keep the one party system a communist replies, -We where considering the 6 thousand party system, but realized it would just be a mess. Thats why we keep it simple stupid.

World Weather Watch

WWW`s mission is to protect earth from bad weather. Exsatly how their gonna do that is unknown. How are they gonna make bad weather go away? What kind a tools do they use? These and more questions will be answeard, untill then, we just have to sit back and wait for the next natural disaster on tv.

Stupid Suicide Bomber

A suicide bomber called 911 for help when having problems exploding. The 911 operator calmed him down and talked him into blowing up in a remote area of town. Making him possibly the worlds most stupid suicide bomber ever.

Blind sex

Blind sex is a new dating service like blind date. Just registrer your address, leave the front door open and a stranger will come and shag you during the night.

Britney Spears next album

Britney Spears next album is called MILF and contains songs like TJ Hooker, 72 male virgins & spit.

Global Farting

The volume of fartgass discharged into the athmosphere is far more disturbing than CO2. 140 billion farts are squezed out everyday, making it 51 trillion farts a year. What are we gonna do with this vast volume of stinky? Breath it? Feed it to the plants? Store it underground as atomic fart?

How much fart gass can our biosphere take? Well, nobody knows. Untill then Global Watch suggests we all squeeze it, install our own butt plugg or take it out as a burp before we fart ourselves into destruction.

Global Misunderstanding

Scientist has found out that higher water levels around the world is not caused by ice melting or global warming but by the rapid increase in humans population. The total weight of humans walking around the globe today is 525 billion kilos. This will affect the sea level in eras with high human concentration like the Netherlands.

World Swine

Leaders of the muslim world strongly protest against the choosen name for the swine flu and suggest renaming it Bush disease or the Jesus syndrom. The Republic of China informs that in Han it`s translated into the Dalai Lama plague. In Russia it`s called the big bad west and in Israel suicide bombers disease.

Internet Times

Since we no longer use the stars to navigate or the sun to tell us the time. A new understanding if time is on the horizon:

I hour is now 1 second. 24 hours is 24 seconds. Weeks, months & years are no longer necessary.

Isolation Media

Twitter, Blogger and Facebook isolates and disconnects more people than any other propaganda machine troughout history. And people do it voluntarly. The false feeling of being connected while sitting alone in front of the computer is the key. When you later meet your online friend in real life it gets uncomfortable cause you got nothing more to talk about.

Why Name it Swine Flu?

Are you running out of names? Is it out of disgust? Or is it just to piss off the Muslims?

Gratitude from Iran

In a letter to the Neverland ranch, the Iranian leadership thanks Michael Jackson for taking the worlds attention away from the ongoing slaughtering in Iran. In return, the Ayatollah promises to swop the 72 virgins with children.

Global Religion

Christians and Muslims are debating whether the name of the mixed profet should be Jesus Muhammed or Muhammed Jesus. Both seem to agree that Jesmed and Muhsus is too weird. Negotiation are expected to take forever.

New Champion of the World

Making more money than both sex and drugs alone, terror beats religion as the indisputable moneymaking machine of the world.

Go Go Bar Dating Service

The non stop internet dating company has specialized in matching singles from different cultures. So far the results have been mixed, but thats their goal.

Let Me Be Ihr Furher

Not all Germans where Nazi, one was Austrian.

Fear Fact

It`s frightening that more people die from lightning than terror.

Terrorism is the new rock`n roll

It scares without danger.

United States of Arabia

With it`s 22 states and 323 million people they have a lot in common with United States of America. They both create a lot of mess.

Googleage

Google Earth is so great it has made the globe superfluous.

Agree to disagree

Humans agree that we disagree more than agree. What seperates us is what brings us together.

Truth Be Lied

The amount of lies politicians tell is so big they can hide the truth in it.

Coca Cola Company Needs More Mouths To Fill

Being one of the largest and most successfull company in the world Coca Cola simply needs the global population to increse in order to satesfy their shareholders. The Coca Cola Company have done extraordnary well inn developed countries since they provide treatment for overdrinking. People who normaly would have died can continue to drink the dangerous fluid without dying, making huge proffits for the shareholder. How many people have died from the sugar drink is unknown. Scientist claim it to be way more than the number of Jews who got fried during World War 2. The problem here is the victims are not forced as the Jews where, they are manipulated via advertising that the sugar drink will give them a great body and lots of pussy or cock. The Coca Cola companys problem is that drinkers in the underdeveloped parts of the world die to early.

Betrayed Suicide Bombers

Suicide bombers who blow themselves to pieces doesn`t get the 72 virgins in heaven as promised. The virgins say they find body parts repulsive. They prefer the meet intact.

World Bullshit Awards

North Korean Leader Kim Jong-il is rewarded The World Bullshit Award for outstanding achevements in bullshitting. "Noone else in the history of communism has got away with more crap than this ashole. He is a true master in the art of bullshit and we are all hope he will die as soon as possible", reads the jurys verdict.

Dear Leder, a 200 hour long epic documentary now showing on North Korean State tv, will be screened in the West under the tittle The Great Farytale.

He Probably Killed Her Or Atleast Didn`t Do Much To Stop It

Human Rights Activist Natalja Estemirova where killed in Chechnya. Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov promise not to investigate the murder any further.

Earth Problems

One billion people starv to death while another die from overeating. If we stopped helping the underfeed and gave the food to the overfeed instead, it would solve both problems.

Same Same, But Different

Chinese Authority accuses Australia for spying on their indystry. Australians have following to say on these ridicoulus accusations: "Absolutly every technology in China is imported from the West, close to 85 procent of their current production arm are making western products, why the hell would we want to spy on ourselves? It`s China who`s world know for their cheap copies of western products. Who would wanna copy their cheap shit? It`s Chinese man".

Another delegate from Australia who prefers to remain anonumous says "Why would we spy on how they make rice?".

Mein Pussy

The book Hitler wrote while sitting in the prison toilet is now being published in Germany. The book is considered to be the very first draft of Mein Kampf, but he didn`t have the balls to publish it. Afraid of being taken as a pussy he rewrote it, changed the tittle and started a world war to prove himself.

P8

The poorest 8 countries in the world gathered in Somalia this week. They agreed to raise the prices on export products. They also put togheter a wealth distribution program to help rich countries share their abundance. "It makes us sad in our hearts to see the G8 suffer in excess. The EuroAmericans are fat, lazy and overstimulated with overblown egos. These people need help and we will help them!", says the non terrorist clan leader from the Somali Mountains.

The Slavery

The new 8 star hotel The Slavery has opened in 18 major tax paradises around the world. The staff, all imported from god knows where, are doing all they can to make it the best hotell experience you`ve ever had without getting paid. If not, they will be burned in heating system.

Guests has made complaints on the treatment of the workers as the heaters at times get too hot. A silent spokesperson representing the slave resort points out that they don`t close their eyes to make the problem go away, but to make it continue happening.

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...