North Korean Tribute Band Mysteriously Disappeared in Bangkok

-Kim Jong-un & the Pussycats where last seen leaving the hotel before the concert. They went in the band buss and since then nobody has either seen or heard of them, says the bands manager Kim Yi.

-It's very North Korean to disappear in North Korea, but not on an international promo tour like this. If there's anyone we would expect missing it would be the audience. It's a hard sell, but the band?!

A story circulating in high society claim that the band was taken hostage by a rich Chinese art collector and that he will showcase the band in a large scale private art exhibition for selected people in his dungeon. Kim Jong-un & the Pussycats is announced to be one of the living items for sale and they will be sold to the lowest bidder in a reverse auction.

-The phrase state of art has different connotations in North Korean and elsewhere. For us it mean it's the best we can do in a given field and I know you guys on the outside laugh at us, but Kim Jong-un & the Pussycats is really state of art music for us. Have you got any idea how insulting it is that some rich art eccentric takes that literary and buys it, like it's a $%&# art installation!

Photo TheDigitalWay

ISIS Claim Parking Violation

Wrongly parked car cause traffic jam in New York for at least 14 minutes. 2 people lost their job and 30 people came too late for an appointment according to the New York Police. -It's too early to say if all the people who lost their appointments will keep their jobs.

-We are currently in pursuit of the driver. His garage is turned up side down as we speak and members of his family and co-workers have been arrested. So far this operation has resulted in zero more worth knowing. The driver is an asshole, we already knew that, says the New York Police.

Photo Ryan McGuire

This Is What Awaits the London Terrorists: a Hole in the Ground

-There's no room for virgins, certainly not 72 of them, says gravedigger Albert Ground who prefer not to know the names of the assholes he will bury.

-We basically chuck whats left of them in a paper bag, in no logic order and throw them in. I won't name names, but there are terrorist who are buried in pig shit and vomit, cow piss and you name it...

Albert believe terrorists would think twice about what they are about to do if they knew what really waiting for them.

-There's no kingdom come here. Look at this place, it's not a strip club full of virgins. It's dirt. They check out 50 years too early to experience this...?! 

-I would not sacrifice anything for this. We all have our time, until then, I say lets enjoy it.

Photo Eli Duke

Best Fucking Cops in the World

The London Police Service killed the terrorist who attacked the city in 8 minutes, bitch!

Photo of the year Dan Kitwood

Beer Maks It Easier to Swallow Trump, AA Fear an Epidemic of Drunks

-It's worrisome, people are afraid of what he'll do if he looses control, what they forget is that half the country has already lost control. What happens if the other half looses it too? says AA meeting officer, Abraham Cole, who breaks his anonymity to warn the public.

-We can't expect citizens to keep on watching the news sober. At some point soon, they will take to drugs to handle it. Just like the soldiers in Nam. There's no choice.

-You have to understand the basic principle of alcoholism, when reality is to hard to deal with, you drink to escape it. It's about to happen on a national scale. 325 million people are driven into drugs. Their going to take whatever they can get their hand on to escape Trump.

-You know Trumps brother died of alcoholism and he sworn to never have a drink in his life. But by not taking a single drink he also drives the whole world around him mad. There's a balance. Checks and balance. God damn it, as a businessman he should know the difference. You can't do one without the other!

Photo 4924546

Ivanka Trump Give Hope to Billionaire Daughters

Ivanka Trumps book inspire rich young women to speak up. -Ivanka is a role model for me, she is so right, why shouldn't I open my mouth and say "Daddy, give some cash or I'll write a book". Why shouldn't I? Because I'm spoiled? says the daughter of Russian Oligark Vladimir Ivano.

Women who work is the fastest written book in the history of the White House. -We had to get it out there while Trump is the President, if he, I mean... you know, when... it will be devastating for sales. It would be the equivalent of Pablo Escobar's son writing on how to build a business, says Stephen Bannon.

-Wait a minute, Pablo Escobars son did write a book... Oh my God. But, on the other hand  think it was a wise choice. We understood the first day in office that the inevitable biography on Donald's Presidency will be a problem. Nobody is willing to lie that much. Not even a Ghostwriter.

-So, we thought, let's focus on his daughter instead. As a softener before the real shit comes. It's a motherload. This decoy puts us off for at least a year. Maybe we'll try one of his sons next year. Had they only been more fuckable.

Cover bookstore

How to Approach President Trump

Congressmen, Senators and White House staff are are lectured by CIA on how to approach Trump to avoid unnecessary cause of action.

-We don't want a situation where things escalates because the coffee was too hot. We can't afford going to war because some smuck gave him the finger, says CIA anti terrorist expert John McPeace.

-Right now the biggest treat to America is the clown in the White House and we want to make him happy and make sure he stays happy.

Photo Alexandr Ivanov

Lego Man: Only Plastic Can Save The Oceans

Lego Man believe that plastic saves the oceans from being polluted by humans. -It's too many humans on this planet.

And they don't get it, they think plastic is the problem, it's them!

Lego Man tells us that humans exude nuclear moist. A dangerous gas that kills the motox layer. -Human technology hasn't evolved far enough to understand whats really happening, but to sum up whats ahead of us:

-The planet will snap when the human population reach 10 billion people. Therefor, the only thing that can stop it is... plastic.

Plastic is a gently way to erase humanity from earth without doing to much harm to the planet. It will decay, but not untill humans are long gone. Thats the special quality. It's dangerous only for a while.

Photo Markéta Machóva