Ebola Doctor: -It Can Solve The Population Problem

Thoughts from the isolation room. -Ebola can wipe out hundreds of millions of people. As long as so many scientists die trying to find a cure, maybe we should let them die, says Ebola doctor Francis Chicken.

-It could solve unexpected problems. Like traffic jams. Suddenly there is too much food in the world. AIDS stops being a problem cause everybody dies of Ebola.

Photo pingnews.com

Putin's Bucket List

10 years to go.
-Invade Country.
-Shoot down plane.
-Go nuts in Vegas with Angela Merkel.
-Ride a gorilla.
-Drink Vodka on the Moon.
-Be the most unpopular person in America.
-Destabilise everything.
-Bring the world to brick of Nuclear War.
-Sign peace treaty.
-Destroy earth.

Photo Kremlin

It's Not Jews and Palestinians who's Fighting - It's Humans

Labelmakers. Humans are the only species on earth dumb enough to believe humans can be anything else than humans. Too the excitant that they kill them. Every other creature on earth is pretty damn sure who they deal with when their among their own.

Not to say they don't kill each other. They just do it for other reason. Survival. Humans on the other hand, is so obsessed with their self image they forget who they are. They have enough food, but the first thing they do when they wake up in the morning is looking in the mirror.

And humans doesn't only define themselves, they define each other too. For whatever reason, they devaluate an image every now and then. If you happen to have that label, your in deep shit. Everybody is out to kill you.

There's no logic to it. Suddenly a colour comes out of fashion. An origin or heritage becomes unpopular. An age, a gender, a condition... you name it. Mostly anything under the sun is up for grabs.

To distract attention from this horrible caste system humans tell themselves you don't choose your parents when you born into this world. Truth is, you don't choose your labels.


Planes: Fire & Rescue Straight To Netflix in Eastern Ukraine

Black Hawk Down. -We're not risking Russian Rebels mistaking the movie for an international flight, says the entertainment giant in a press release to the Ukrainian cinema goers.

-We're Disney, we don't negotiate with separatist.

Poster Disney's Planes: Fire & Rescue


-I need 10 Snowdens right now.
The Industrial Media War. The whole world ask questions about the plane that was shot down  in pro Russian separatist territory inside Eastern Ukraine.

-How do I talk myself out of this one?

-Dammit. Hamas shoots thousands of rockets into Israel and can't hit a thing and my guys shoots one rocket and hits a passenger plane.

-I could blame it on the jews or shot down another one to shut them up. Hmm mm m. I think I'll have pancakes for dinner tonight.

Photo Kremlin

Rap Community Not Cool With Ex-Terrorists

American Bad. -Nah, not cool, man. Nope. No. That's a definitive no. You are not welcome! says Diddy.

-I'm not in a position to judge other people for their wrongdoings, but we got to draw the line somewhere. If your on the terrorist list... Man, we rap about nigger shit, not NSA.

-I mean how f#@ked up are you? How can a 13 year old white wannabe growing up in the suburbs ever relate to that? It's bullshit. I'm not producing that shit. I'm not even touching it.

-If any of those Jihad Jerks shows up in my studio I'll call the cops and I never call the cops. Never!

Photo Commons Wikimedia

-"The Food Sucks", says Londoner About Life as a Terrorist

Dumb & Dumber 3. -I ate a lot of shit before I converted into hardcore Islam, but now my diet is even shittier. USA always nag about whats in our heads, but never care about whats in our stomachs.

-Man, the shit I got to eat... If you think our hearts and minds are full of toxic waste, wait till you see what comes out of my ass. It's f@#king poisonous.

-I can kill people with my toilet dumplings. I don't need explosives. I just go into the toilet onboard a plane or in a mega city... man down.

-It's actually been like this for years. We stopped using suicide bombs before 9/11, but who will acknowledge explosive diarrhea destroyed half a train station?

-It's humiliating, but I eat more fast food than I did on the doll. Global terrorists have an understanding, "What happens at McDonalds stays at McDonalds". It's not like Jihad is gonna make me start cooking?!

- If I ever get caught my backup lie is research. I do a lot of research. It's one of the perks with this "job". I try to eat as many burgers as I can, before I eventually, die on the job. It's not like a healthy diet is gonna make me live longer, now is it.

Photo digitalpimp.

ISIS Seeks Mega Morons

Nobody Want You. -We're looking for the biggest f@#kups. Smart enough to fire a gun, but stupid enough to believe in fairytales, says social media terrorist Bulla.

-Are you a big disaster? A huge disappointment?

-We have just what you need! The only thing that can make your life even worse.


Photo Wikipedia

Putin Supports Peace Price To Snowden -I'll Accept It On His Behalf

Newsblower. Vladimir Putin says in an interview with Russian TV that he's more than happy to give Obama a little kick at the Nobel Ceremony. -I'll bring Snowden. Take him for a walk in front of the world media. I'd love to do that.

-I'm taking him on an Anti-Western Tour anyway. We'll travel in my nuclear sub, Water Force 1 and stop for pictures and interviews in every major city. Whoever tries to catch him gets to taste the nukes. What better place to kick it of than the Nobel Peace Price?!

Photo Wikimedia Commons

Arabs Ignore How Scandinavia Became A Peace Loving Continent

Jesus... Go back in time and Scandinavia was as violent as the Middle East today. The Vikings was the terrorists of the days. Feared by everyone. How did they go from Vikings to Volvo? Christianity...

-That is one word Muslims don't want to hear. Especially as a solution to their problems, says Imam Allah.

-I know Christianity brought the idea of forgiveness to the world and that made it possible for the Vikings to live with each other.

-But it was introduced by the most violent and feared Viking of them all, Olaf II of Norway. In 1030 he took on the whole Nation in the Battle of Stiklestad. He lost, but won the fight.

-You have to be a total meathead to do this in the Middle East today. ISIS and Al Qaeda aren't crazy enough. They don't have the balls to go against their own. The least take on the entire muslim world in one great battle for Christianity.

Map Pakistan Defence

ISIS: The New Kids On The Block

Guitar gun solo. Watch out for their new album S.C.A.R.Y. cause it's scary like shit, says the promoter. -Actually it's so scary nobody dares listen to it, but they buy it when sales point guns at their heads.

-We've sold 2000 copies without firing a bullet. Then we fired a few and sold another amazing 29 million copies. It's mind boggling how eager people are when they see a gun.

-We are the most lovefeared Jihad artist around. Nobody is more scared than our target audience and it's growing. Soon we'll be the biggest act in town.

Sport Actors Guild Appalled By Bad Diving. -You Can Do Worse Than That!

Fake it till you make it. Carlos Eccentricos, two time Academy Award winner for best male diving, speaks up against the poor acting skills among male football player.

-This World Cup has been revealing. There's a lot of bad acting going on. I teach a masterclass in diving at the FIFA Institute of Performing Sports. The players in the World Cup are as bad as the first year students. 

-To be a great diver it's important to understand the game, yourself and the people around you. Women are genetically better at this than men who never understand how shitty it looks when they do it. I call the area outside the goal ladies room. -It all about using your emotions, sensitivities and manipulative skills. It's not lying, it's just suggesting... you suggest you where taken down. Nothing wrong in that. 

-It's mens macho image who ruins it for them. When they fake an injury they do it like they've been overrun by a tank. It's so not believable. To be a great diver you have to open up, let go and be a pussy. Thats why transvestites make the best players. They enter the goal area like they've had a sex operation. 

Photo FIFA