Pilot nearly missed runway in Tokyo. -The airport was 2.5m to the left!

Nuclear turbulence. -I`ve never cursed so much in my whole life. I think I told the copilot to go $%&**#$%$# $$$$$ % &% **^*^##>

@ #$$%&% #$2**Ø%&$#z#$ ##$% X <2#$%*##&%** ##$%?? +*@X$# %&$ &%* * *ZXC# $%$& $ "#"$% & *Æ^`?=>Z "$$%&%* **@@** @#$ &%/$# ## #$#%&%& %<

atleast 50 times. Thank god he didn`t speak Japanese. Well, if he did then we wouldn`t had those problems, so I guess he got the message.

Photo Hyougushi

No-one ever invaded another country to get their noodles

Not even Bush. -Noodle energy is the safest energy source in the world. Noodle power plants and enriched noodles never posed a treat to anyone. Not even for those who eat it, says Head of Noodles
at North Dakota Noodle Power Plant.


Photo Argonne National Laboratory

Blind pedestrian killed in traffic by electric car

Silence of the cars. It`s the worst serial killers ever to come out of a car factory. They built inn a silencer so the driver can sneak up on the victim like an assassin and run over him without anybody hearing where the car came from. -We can`t hear the damn thing. Somebody listen to us! says an angry blind person. -If you don`t stop this shit I`ll drive myself. Then let`s see who gets who.
 
Photo bradleygee

A star is gone, but the mistakes shine on

Queen of America. According to space rumors and spiritual mediums worldwide, Elizabeth Taylor married Michael Jackson the moment she got off in heaven. The two had apparently already agreed to marry up there before they left earth. It was the media frenzy that stopped them from doing it down here. The attention would be devastating and probably ruin their love and affection for scandals.

-They both came here to do what they did. After they fulfilled their missions it was no point staying really. Now they just have to wait for the human species to catch up to their message, says a medium at large.

Foto classic film scans

Arnold gets 45 million $ to star in The President

Running for movie. -When Hollywood offered me to play the role I said to myself: what`s the difference?! I might as well show them what their missing out on cause of that stupid law. I came here before I turned 21 anyway, who cares? Do you think I was any smarter at 21? The only thing on my mind was banging women and pumping muscles.

-In the film you see how I handle an attack on the United States. Let me put it this way. I don`t send our troops to clean up. I go after the bad guys myself. We have been discussing shooting it guerilla style and actually go over to the Middle East and finnish the mess for real, but no one is willing to put up the insurance money.

-So right now I`m thinking about filming it myself. Just go there. Kick some ass with my video camera and upload it on youtube.

Photo jurvetson

-Let`s invade Italy and remove Berlusconi while we`re at it

Mad dictators Inc. -The people of Italy should be freed from their mad leader. They deserve media freedom and democracy just as much as anyone else, says a soon to be removed UN spokesperson. -How can we let this madman walk around in our own garden and at the same time shoot at Gaddafi? We all know he would do the same if he could.

And what about Greece, it`s so corrupt it should have been invaded centuries ago. What happened to one for all, all for one? What are we doing???

 Foto شبكة برق | B.R.Q

In China we trust

Printed in China. -We do it with the one dollar bill first and then we`ll see how this relationship plays out first before we change any of the other notes. We don`t trust them that much. Actually, we don`t trust them at all, it`s just that we have to right now, says the Ministry of Money. God is not backing us up right now, it worked for a while, but now we have to look elsewhere and China fits perfect. It has all the same qualities. Larger than life, slightly oblivious and self obsessed. It`s okay with a little made in China on the one dollar bill. It`s the right place, it`s cheap. Everything you buy with it is pretty much made there anyway. Soon we`ll print them there too - why bother?!

Photo HealthWyze.org

James Cameron gives up

World theatre. -In a recent interview with Conformity, the director of Avalon, the biggest box office hit in the history of motion pictures, says he`s pulling the plug on his current project.

-After watching all the promo`s for Hiroshima 2, I went, how can I compete with this? I thought we where on to something with 3D and everything, but they got real life!

-We opened in 14604 screens in 106 countries. These people premiered in every fucking media outlet there is and they don`t even have a distributor. How did they do it?

-Nobody cares about Avatar today, it was a one hit wonder, but look at Hiroshima 1, it`s 66 years ago and people still talk about it. Their gonna sell this sequel for at least a hundred years. I mean, look at all the spectacular footage, and this is just the set up...

Photo NASA Earth Observatory

Got 4 years in Bali for braking into call centre and smashing the phones

Speaking of talking. -It`s about time someone stood up to these telemarketing companies. Therefor I send you to four years in Europe with a 500.000 dollar check.

The defendant could not believe his own ears when the judge read the verdict. -And maybe you shouldn't cause we`re just fucking with you, but if there was any justice here you would. We just wanted to give you a moment of zen cause we dig what you do. I mean, you really speak for all off us. Except the call centre, but who cares about them.

Catching the phone destroyer had been challenging investigation. The Police went trough the company `s phone records to see if they found anyone who might want to do such a thing and they found over 400.000 people.

-It took forever to go through all the data, after a while we decided to pick one random. I mean, we have the data, let`s manipulate it, says the police investigator.

-Little did we know the phone company kept track off our illegal activities so in court we settled for Europe with a twist. Officially he goes to jail, but not really, if you know what I mean. Let`s just put it this way. He got 4 years in Bali with a 400.000 dollar anti-ticket.

Photo maveric2003

Radioactive rice

Scary nam nam. Num Num is filling up supermarkets with glowing nudles, but its not the wrapping whos glowing, its the rice. -We think consumers will like them, especially the retarded onces. Market research shows that idiots buy the weirdest shit, besides, none of them would be born today anyway. What wrong with getting a little use out of them?

Photo LaPrimaDonna

Moves inn to the tv

Reality life. -Unless your gonna watch tv all day... I strongly recommend an old fat tv cause there is not much room to move around in the led tv`s. If your gonna be seen all day you might aswell get a comfortable set.

Photo LGEPR

Earthshake

Spacebar. Bob Dylan famously known song the world is a shaking where on everybodys mind once again as earth decided to make itself another dry martini in the pasific ocean.

Satellite photo NASA Goddard Photo and Video

Firewetting

Fire down bellow. The problem was first discovered when the US fire department closed down their laundry unit. Local laundries all over the country got the job to was the firemen`s dirty clothes, but more and more workers reported back to their bosses -"I`m not touching that, it`s smell like urine!". A specialist from National Hygienics where assigned to investigate the problem and after severe testing she confirmed "It really is urine."

So why is it that firemen pie in their pants at work? It it the hose that unconsciously makes them pie. Yes, say NH specialist. -They can`t help it. Before they could get away with it by blaming it on the fire. The specialist also found out that the firemen preferred to drink water from the firetruck instead of bottled water. One firetruck even had an expresso machine hooked up to the water tank. Another truck hooked up a fire hydrant and opened a coffee shop in the street. The US Fire marshal is reluctant to answer if this has anything to do with the trucks running out of water when their putting out fires.

Photo AMagill

Challenges Obama

Retard Republican. -I could use the Air Force One when I go to my family house in Florida. Besides, all those guards could come in handy. They could help me with shopping and getting to work in the morning. You know, people think I`m stupid cause I sit in a chair. Look what people do these days. They sit all day long and they don`t have to. How fucked up is that. The first thing I would do if I could walk is smash my computer and throw all these fucking devises away. But people choose to voluntarily handicap themselves. Fuck yeah, I can beat Obama, I`ll play the sympathy card.


Photo Flavio@Flickr

Man Rider

Boy killing. A new phenomenon in Europe is the growing number of so called boy killings. Successful Islamic women who kill their men cause they have brought dishonor upon the marriage.

Men has also been seen stoned to death in the street of London because they made love to married women. And women who catch their men catching them with another man have been punished with lashes.


Photo cloneofsnake

Where are the burning American flags?

Libyaterian. Something has changed. They used to be the world champions in burning the American flag. But now, when their setting the whole country on fire, their are not even using it for kindling. Where did we go wrong? After pissing them off for more than 40 years they all of a sudden go we`re not worthy anymore?! Where is the hate towards Israel? What happened to jihad?

Let`s refresh their memory about the West. We got two world wars under our belts. 90 million dead and 500 million never born. We are the only ones who actually used the bomb. Not even Pakistan has dared that. Now, unless you stop ignoring us we`ll use it again.

Photo cyphunk

Invisible Mystery Tour

Playback audience. The house was packed with fans two days before the concert, but since there was something more fascinating, more attractive and far more entertaining going on somewhere else when the band came, the promoter taped the audience and played it during the live concert. The band member didn`t seem to mind, actually they where so full of themselves they didn`t notice until the manager told them.

-Being faced with their explosive anger he didn`t have the heart to tell them the whole tour had been this way. -I guess the audience got fed up with being interrupted by the band members constant messaging. They never finished a bloody song. Somewhere along the tour ticket sale just stopped. The audience must have felt they might as well see this shit at home. Why pay big bucks to see big egos tweet? What do they care about their social status?! They want to hear the god damn music!!!!

Photo Robert S. Donovan

iPad2 thin as Steve Jobs

iFat. We don`t want you to go away Steve, we like your gadgets too much. So, on behalf of the human race, please, make an iBig. Put on some weight, it`s ok. It`s still an Apple. The fruits in your garden of good and evil will still be tasty. It`s not the size that counts, it`s how you download it. Please, don`t make the iFlat. Don`t go there...

Photo iPad_2 acaben

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...