Turkey not so keen on joining EU after all

Sceptic, uncertain, aaaiii! -When we see how the union treat Greece... f*@k that. We`re not anyone`s bitch. All for one or one for nothing. No thank you mam, says Turkish delight operator Spicy junior.

Photo Minamie's Photo

China all for democracy

China says. -We took a realistic view at how to claim world dominance and came to the conclusion that the easiest way is to promote freedom and democracy around the world. I mean, look at these countries. They haven`t even been in war and their down on their knees in trouble. For what? Nobody knows? It`s this... it`s that... It`s democracy! Thats what happen when you give people too much choice.

Photo atsix

Somebody had a face lift

The emperors new face. After watching the revelation at the United Russia party congress WMA strongly recommend Italian surgeons. Russia is not known for their plastic surgery, quite the contrary. We wish Vladimir Putin the best of luck in the Michael Jacksons OldYoung Dictator Club and hope Russian beauty technology is better than the American in the 80s.

Photo theglobeandmail.com

Asia gears up for WW3

The Rice War. With 3 billion people, 48 armies, 16 of the worlds worst dictators, it has to click at some point. That`s simple math.

Photo BlatantWorld.com

Civilization critic admit living in a box is better than the desert

Thinking outside the apartment. After spending two weeks on a Safari in South Africa the once so stubborn critic changed hes mind. -It was more like after 40 minutes, I`ve seen environments like this on tv, but I never thought it was anything like this. TV channels like Discovery and National Geographic give a distorded peak into nature. Or maybe it`s cause I watch it in the comfort of my own home. But you never get that feel of danger.

Photo yusunkwon

Amusement park opens Jobhouse

Funhouse. -We thought it was a great idea to let people see how fun it is to have a job. They can look at themselves in the mirror working. They can see how much money a salary is, says CEO of Exploit Inc.

-We have workplay where patrons can experience a boss run into their office and yell "Hurry, we need you now". For a dollar extra they`ll yell, "We need your expertise". For an additional 5 $ "There`s nobody else than you who can fix this problem. The company needs you. We`ll tripple your salary". And for the prize of 100 $ the boss will look you in the eyes and say "Your hired!"

WMA spoke to one of the visitors and asked what they think about the new attraction. -It felt great. I really needed to hear that I matter. My self esteem is boosted now. I actually think this experience will better my chances out in the real world. Now I can say I got job training. Yeah, it`s worth every penny, says jobless Joe.

Photo wovox

Al-Qaeda terrorist disappointed with waterboarding

Mouthful. -Do you know how humiliating this is for me? Here I am, one of the most dangerous terrorists in the world and all you got is water?! I`m made of water. I drink it everyday. Waterboarding... what is there to be afraid off? We`ve all done it. When that guy said the funny remart just as you where swallowing and the liquid came out your nose. We use bombs for exploding out loud. Cross some lines, use coffee, whatever, just not water! Man, I got a reputation to worry about. I aint playing dead in no watergame, says Ali Danger.

Photo maHidoodi

Black Dandy

Niggertime! These cats aint wearing no hip hop crap. -No f... way man. Yo, I can read motherf.... I got a degree and aint got time for no jivefive, nigger. You can call me Mister Tibbs! That`s right, punk. Say, when`s the last time you saw a hairdresser. Man, you got to style up. Say, streetsmart, if you ever planing on going anywhere in the world on your own. You got to own your own walk. This is getting weird... just put on some decent clothes. Try, just once, not to look like a gangster and maybe people will start think different about us.

Photo leafar.

Congress cause more trouble than Talian

Big trouble in Little America. WMA spoke to the Presidents republican adviser right before the Action speech. -He`s ready to sent in the troops if the republicans don`t stop messing around.

Watching the selfish senators on display over these three years has made the President question why his predecessor sent the troops to fight a corrupt regime in Iraq? Was it a distraction? Was it a maneuver to avoid civil war? -You might wonder, says his advisor.

Photo aoc.gov

Gun Exit

Word from the Zeitgeist. Guns where invented in a time where police didn`t exist and food was hard to get. Since then we have got both Dokin Donuts and cops so what`s the need?

If someone breaks into your house you`re not gonna grab a gun and challenge the intruder cause you more likely than not don`t have the balls. You`ll call the take away police and let them do it for you. We got freekin home delivery on safety today!

If your going out to grab a bite you wont bring a gun either. You`ll carry a credit card. And if you are one of those bozos who claim that shooting is a sport and you do it for recreational purposes. Guess what, moving your finger does not qualify as sport. And if you got to fire bullets to relax - your the last who should be doing it. Try a real sport instead like rugby and see how tough you are. That gun is nothing but a substitute for low self esteem and having a dick like you carry one surrounded by millions of people who do better than you is not a good idea.

Photo Jay Santiago

The English language is selling out

Word sale. Sentences in English doesn`t mean anything anymore. Not that they have more value in other languages like Greek. They`ve become vessels for lies. Nothing is what it says and nothing said is what is was. -That`s why we`re having a closing sale, says the English Salesman at Nobody`s Listening. -There`s a 70% discount on words, 90% on sentences and the letters in the economic section is free. Their out of value anyway.

Photo San Jose Library

Putin came thirty second in bodybuilder competition

The muscles from Brussels? -We couldn't disqualify him, admits the promoter. -He`s Putin, he`ll kill us. I diplomatically advised him to get of his high horse before he got out on stage. I mean seriously, you can`t pose in that. But he`s not a man who takes orders...

-He ended up last and where so angry about not qualifying for Mr Olympia I thought he was going to kill the us. He could. Thats how they do business in Russia.

Photo TMZ

President Eaters - Their doing it again

Meal House. -We got to eat him before he leaves office. He might not get another term. We made a mistake when we planed to cook this meal over 8 years. It`s urgent! Boil him now!!!!!, says Mr Media.

While the Media Heads figure out how to do Obama, people don`t really care. -No. -No, me neither. -Don`t care. -Oh, you mean like they did with Bush. Don`t give a shit. -You mean.. ha ha ha!

Photo AdamL212 

Jim Carrey & Emma Stone team up in the age comedy Whos Your Daddy?

He`s my husband!!! The movie was originally scheduled for released January 2040, but the studios went like what? -Their such pussies, all we wanted was to push the envelope, says the director who has to start principal photography this fall. Now we can`t even make a sequel or prequel.

-There`s a huge market for these kind of movies. There`s so many out there who`s married to younger it`s more profitable than gay films, but nobody has dared to go there until Jim opened the door with his message to Emma Stone. This is going to be bigger than porn...

Photo nonu | photography

-I don`t watch books anymore. I don`t even have a shelf.

The Web guide. -I was going trough my stuff and "What the fuck is this?!" and it was my old paper selection. Paper! You digg? The shit you put in your ass. Yuk. I can`t believe I took that with me to bed at night. So unhygenic, says Mary Surfer.

Photo Ian Wilson

Bollywood remakes Slumdog Millionare

Trading countries. The Indian remake will take place in Los Angeles and follow the life of Bob, an orphan who is forced to grow up poor by the welfare system. Reaching adulthood he manages to escape the poverty of unemployment and travels to India where he meets the love of his life, builds computer software from peaces of wood and ends up building a major software company.

Photo Celador Films

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...