Apple`s Tax Fraud Has Gone On Since The Garden Of Eden

Steve Jobs ate of the three of technolongy
Tax heaven. How can people be so surprised? It`s right there in the logo. Somebody has taken a bite from the apple. How on earth can you expect anything else from a company who that deliberately says out loud they steal? You can`t. You have to bite the bullet.

Photo Sean MacEntee

First Plane Crashes, Then Bombs, Now Knifes - What`s Next, Cucumber?

The assault weapon, a semi-automatic cucumber.
Weapons of comic destruction. A European citizen was slammed down by an Al Qaeda farmer in the middle of Paris. Luckily the French Police responded quickly enough for the agricultural terrorist to cause any harm.

-It takes a long time to kill somebody with a cucumber. Suicide farmers know this, thats why there`s so few of them. Their hard to recruit. Brainwashing has it`s limits, says French baker and anti-terrorist expert Franz Champagne.

-They can throw apples... bananas... In the end I think they all realise they can only get so far with fruit. It`s kinda gay and gay terror doesn`t mix well with macho muslims. Not even when they fight the same cause.

-It`s all about how for these people, because they can`t win. It`s how they loose that matters and going down gay is not on their bucket list. Not even close.

Photo ndrwfgg

Korea Suffers From Bipolar Disorder

Game of Borders. -It`s either very communistic or capitalistic. To cure it they can mix it together and make Duck Soup like China or one can kill the other.

 Or they can do nothing and continue like before for another 60 years and another 60 years.., but I would not recommend medication on such a large scale, says anthropology psychiatrist Freddie Peace.

-Personally I prefer war, but thats because I`m a huge WW2 fanatic. I don`t have a stake in the matter. I have no relatives or friends and I can carry on without Samsung. For me a final countdown at CNN and Al Jazeera would be like a new hit tv series.

Photo Wikipedia

Protesting Reaches Another Low As Parisians Demonstrates Against Same-Sex Marriage

The Euro Spring. First the Stockholmigans set the city on fire because they had no reason, then the Parisians go after the gays for the same reason. -It`s all about being seen. It`s a twitter contest, there where no gays in the rally, says screamer.

The gay and lesbians in the "love capital" say their arranging a respond protest next weekend. -We`re putting on an anti different-sex marriage march and their better be scared. We`re much better at putting on protest shows.

Dog Rights is joining the movement and will arrange an anti dog-human relation demonstration the following week in Barcelona. -A dog should be allowed to live with another dog without the supervision of a human. And they should have the freedom to select their partner, says dog activist.

Photo Fait Religieux

Parking Company Hire Porn Stars As Spokespeople

Hope springs eternal. -We hope this will make our customers forget the tickets. Hiring the right media relations is key to make issues go away, says CEO of Drive or Pay.

-The days of the hit man is gone. We have to find new ways of going about our business. This joint pleasure scheme works both ways. The adult industry get a new avenue to attract newcomers and we get to forget.

-And if the "ticket customer" come back a second time to complain we can ask, what did you do again?

Photo Come As You Are Co-operative

Helicopter Pilot Went Berserk With Google Glass

Black Hawk Down. The youtube video, who was broadcasted live, was cut by sensors as the flying got too crazy.

-He was doing Spiderman, then Hulk. We had to cut the signal before him. 2 seconds later he did. Boy was that a crash. He must have thought he was playing a video game, says media silencer 2 weeks after the incident.

Photo Panoramas

International Monetary Fund Not Happy With MILF Abbreviation

Cash cow. -It`s IMF, how hard can it be? If you can`t spell that you shouldn`t handle money, says suit.

-We`re not found of IMBd either. This is not a joke. We`re serious about this.

Photo Elvert Barnes

Sidney Opera House Builds New International Stage

Foreign day. -It`s only for immigrants, refugees and tourists. No Australians are allowed.

-We sell tickets in other countries and we bring in the productions from overseas. A visitor told me "I can see that at home". It`s all about getting the right mix, says the Opera Dir.

Photo David Shankbone

Rioters Happy With Their Contribution To Swedish Society

Smörgåsriots. -Me and my friends has caused property damage for around 4 million euros. When you look at our education it`s pretty impressive. We all dropped out of 8th grade. I don`t know anyone with a phd who makes that kind of money, says local rioter.

Photo Elopde

Fear That Swedish Riots Will Spread to Syria

Bad influence. -We have enough with our own civil war. We don`t have the energy for riots now. We don`t have energy for anything really, but if we could choose we`d much rather take riots than war, says Syrian.

The Swedish riots agree; -We`d much prefer riots too. I don`t think any of the rebels is up for war. We all try to look tough, but war...? We`re not that tough. Sweden isn`t that bad. These riots is our contribution to the Eurovision song contest. We had to do something.

Foto Paalso

Tornado Victim Looks At Sweden Riots: Why?

City beater. -Why would anyone want to put this on themselves? ask Billy.

-Maybe they had a bad day at the office. Or maybe their wife left them. It`s hard to tell. It could be as simple as they forgot to take their medication.

Photo Fema

Stockholm Rioters Learn That Swedish Cars Are Hard To Destroy

Burnholm. -We have to do the damage on foreign cars cause it has no impact on the Swedish onces. It looks so stupid, says rioter.

-The Swedish car industry makes it very difficult. We have to look for hours for import cars and then we have to come back later cause it has to look spontaneous.

Photo Andrew Kuznetsov

Tornado Blew It

Mug shot
Wipe out. A tornado made a total ass of itself in Oklahoma City with devastating consequences.

-I thought it was WW3, then I realised, it was, it was the weather war, says surviver.

Photo NOAA Photo Library

President Of Syria Voted Person Most Likely To Die By Rebels

Wanted dead not alive. Bashar al-Assad has repeatedly been seen looking over his shoulders lately. -First I thought it was a sore neck, but now I realise he is afraid, says one of his bodyguards.

-We where discussing it with the union. It`s our job to look after his safety, not his. He`s stepping into our territory, but that`s before we saw him pissing in his pants. This war is getting to him.

-It didn`t make sense to us that he would be on the lookout for potential hitmen cause this war has not changed anything for us. There is always someone trying to kill him. He is a huge asshole to his people?! He is a dictator... It comes with the job.

Photo syriana2011

The Hong Kong Rubber Duck Killer Is Captured

Rest in sea. The murderer is captured, but also celebrated by local authorities.

-If we had known how much attention the duck attracted dead we would have killed it ourselves.

The murderer is up for 30 years in a luxury apartment.

Photo 陳薑

Police Used Retards In Pistorius Reenactment: There`s No Way

At least he doesn`t have to worry about
Athlete`s foot in prison.
Gun shooter. South African police tried out the event according to blade runners testimony with retards, oldies, disableds and monkeys and concluded not a chance in each scenario.

-We even tried a gorilla, says investigator Black Revenger.

-It feels bloody good having a powerful whitey stand trial. He`s our O.J. says South Africans. -Blacks rule the world here you know. Too bad it was Pistorius, but we can live with that. Crippled is gravy.

Photo David Jones

Arnolds Last Stand Expected To Do Great On VHS

Last time. -Especially among indigenous people and maybe even remote areas in Ohio USA. There`s still farmers using tapes there, says Slico from the distribution company.

-We got our hopes up for poor countries in Asia and Africa where they have no clue he was gone in politics for 7 years.

Poster iTunes

Millions Out Of Prison As France Legalise Same-Sex Marriage

Mano a mano. Busloads of gays where dumped all over the country after the President signed the bill.

-This is a great day for gay bars, says Lesbiana. It`s a great day for the economy. With no kids to worry about we can spend our way out of the financial shithole we`re in and take the heterosexuals with us. I think the President understand we`re not here to pass on life, but live it to the max.

Some would argue only the French could release the power of gay to solve their economic problems. But if you look at countries who stayed clear from the meltdown, they all had tons of gays.

-It`s why we wasn`t hit my the recession, says Australia`s prime minister. We had 4 million homosexuals shopping around the country. They kept our economy going. Money can`t buy love like that, but love can.

 Photo Guillaume Cattiaux

Israel Approve New Settlements In Switzerland

-We`re heading over there now to take out the trash.
Knock knock. The Israeli government takes step to open settlements on soon to be occupied soil on the Swiss Bank.

The announcement came after the discovery of $50 billion jude money during World War 2.

A spokeswoman for the Prime Minister says the Swiss have hidden this fortune so long that with interest it ads up to war.

Photo Israel Defense Force

Russia's Counterintelligence Caught Agent Sneaking In The Bushes

Operation partytime. The U.S. tourist had equipment to change his appearance when FSB captured him.

In addition to the masks, wigs and Shrek costume, he also had numerous condoms and a list with names of Russian women he had meet while studying in Bali.

FSB claims he tried to recruit women within the Russian territory. They all had masters degrees and worked in paid jobs. FSB has recently catched several US spies trying to make American babies in Moscow.

-They look for beautiful women who can afford to bring up the baby by themselves. We see the men run away time after time. Some wait until after wedding, to secure the birth. Some leave after 6 months, says FSB spokesghost.

FSB confirms that several names on the list was ticked off and that some of the rubber is missing, but they have to investigate further since the numbers didn`t match. -We need to separate those who let him inn from those who slammed the door in his face to avoid bringing up the enemy from within.

Photo Anonymous9000

Sports Photographer: You`re Only As Good As Your Last Photo

Big shot. Taking 3000 snapshots a day, sports photographer Emily Athletic says it`s unfair she`s working out of Ohio.

-If I was in Beijing or New York I would be much better. Even with a black and white camera. Especially in Beijing.

The sport photographer admit it`s stressful being evaluated 3000 times a day.

-I wonder who does it? Who, honest to God, got the time to follow me around and judge every single shot I take? Mother Teresa? She`s dead!

Photo Greg Walters

Eurovision Fart Contest

Fartzone. Who can make the biggest stinker? Thats the question everybody ask. Each nation sends their top farter which is selected through a national fart competition.

The final is in the indoor arena The Trap and you would think you couldn`t smell the difference between the performers, but you can. The place got gas condition.

In the previous couple of years a fresh take on the odour has produced crowd pleasers who didn`t knock out the audience. Last years winner was even a silent no stinker.

-If they faint they can`t vote. That was the problem, voters fainted, losers won and people lost interest, but not this year, it will stink, for sure, but it won`t knock you out, says the Swedish fart promoter.

-You have to pay extra for that. We have fartenders who shit in your face for a €1.20.

-We have a tight line up of stinkers who will bomb on stage without making an impact. You can watch shit after shit... you can watch endless amounts of this crap and it won`t mean shit to you. It`s the only shit that`s is so full of shit it doesn`t mean shit anymore - not even as shit.

Map Wikimedia commons

Taiwan Sees China As Part Of Taiwan

Taicheese. -They can have dual citizenship during the transition period, but after that it`s all Taiwan, says foreign relations officer Eric Wangod.

-We don`t do this to free East Timor, we do it because it is our right to do so. Historically China belongs to us, we want their money. In the old days China was so poor we would much rather not be known to own that place. Can you imagine the aid? It would cost a fortune.

-Our policy has always been; let them get to the top first, but it`s important to pull them back with the dog collar before they run away.

Photo Taoyuan Hotel

-Brad Pitt Is A Stud

Sweet dream. -I know you`d much rather see me naked than hear the words I say. I know you don`t care about poverty, you`re here!

-You all could have done something better with your lives than sitting here today.

-You could be in the frontiers fighting for a better tomorrow, but you don`t. Which brings me to why I never fancy you guys naked. You`re not Brad. And I don`t need to fantasize about him cause he`s mine.

-You know why I choose him and not anyone of you? Cause he`s not sitting on his ass like you guys, he`s out there doing something.

Photo Foreign and Commonwealth Office

North Korean Beggars Give Up

Booker prize. Realising there is nothing to beg for makes the waste of time a real waste of time. Instead of sitting somewhere else, the majority stayed and took up reading instead. North Korean authorities inform that they have enough books to keep them going for several months.

Photo Joseph A Ferris III

Celebrity Sex Is Soooooooo Much Better

Knock out. Finally a famous couple dare to admit that their life is better in every way. The sex, the marriage, the kids, the family, the house, the relatives, their friends, everything is better. Absolutely everything. Even watching television is better.

-We know all the people worth watching, says the couple who speak on the condition that they remain anonymous.

-If we where honest we would loose our stature. Telling everybody how bad their are in comparison to us is damaging for our image, so we`re stuck in this vicious cycle.

-Every now and then we want to leak a sex video on the web to show how hot it is and deny the whole thing afterwords. Sometimes we crash to show people our new car. I should do a Amnesty thing at home to showcase it. Or maybe in the pool...

Photo williamcho

Man Held Captive In Front Of PC For 20 Years By Himself

Consumption lowway. The self-terrorist had a revelation when he saw the first iPhone online.

-I can`t believe they had to make 5 of those before I noticed it, but I was never outside. I never saw anybody use it cause I was in my basement. And the tailored ads never featured it. How could I search for something I didn`t knew existed?

-With this I can walk around. I can take part in society while I torture myself in a civilised manner. This is a huge step forward for mankind. It`s like walking on the moon. And I can even get access to big mobile torture tools like the iPad. This is insane. With that screen size I can deep fry my brain in public.

Most people WMA speak to does not have much sympathy for the self-terrorist. -I was captivated 20 years at work. It was spread over 60 years, but I still spent 20 years in that hole. We all have. The guy only pities himself.

Photo Kevin Walter

Ferguson Offered To Train The British Government

Obi-Wan Kenobi. The goal is to put Britain back on the world map. Win every debate, no matter who we`re fighting, says spokesperson for the British MP`s.

-Consider how far he could take a group of young men, image how much further he can get with a group of oldies who doesn`t have to run.

-We play 8 hour days. There`s no practice, it`s only the game. He`ll love it!

Photo braveheartsports

Shoot For The Moon. If You Miss, At Least You Land Among The Aliens.

Earth safari. -I`d much rather be remembered for finding intelligent life in space than being the 25th guy on the moon says space freak student Agondo.

-Can you believe how much it must suck not being allowed to walk when your there? Out of the 24 who did the trip, half stayed on the ship.

-Your either so lazy your not even aware your on a space shuttle or your so arrogant you tell NASA after you landed "No, I`m not going" to get the last word in some argument.

-That would be the point to renew the contract. When you have an employer who demands you to go to the moon... and you go there... there`s not much leverage for negotiation. It`s a win loose situation. Unless they let you stay in space.

-I woud probably prefer space to admit loosing a deal from that advantage point. It would overshadow the trip.

Photo keithbsmiley

Special Effects Artist Proud By Work On Iron Man

Tony Shark. -It`s so hard it lights up the screen, says Hanna who deserves an Oscar nomination. Not an award, but consider what she had to work with, definitely a nomination.

-It`s the longest peace of magic I`ve ever seen. How the beautiful sp-fx artist pulled that off on a 0 dollar budget is stunning.

She will be loaded with work opportunities after this. A sequel to the ripoff sequel is in order and the actor playing the tittle role says it is unlikely to do a fourth instalment without the effects.

-I`m not made of streel.

Photo Rooftop Mind

Sorry Louis, We Still Think Of You As An American

White aid. Time apologised to Louis CK at their 100 most influential people in the world party. -We know your born in Mexico and had your formative childhood there, but there`s something about the way you look...

-It`s not racism, we don`t wish to offend your people, but we really need all the successful whitey`s we got, so look at it as aid. Not first, but second. Let`s pray we never get there.

Photo david_shankbone

Poet Wrote So Deep Reader In Submarine Went "That`s Deep"

Mind opener. The crew on submarine 5 all agree that the poem Waterfly by Henry Baskin is the deepest poem ever written.

-I don`t know if it was the dept of the sub that made me see the clarity in the words or if it was the lack of other things to focus on, but it certainly changed my view on what a 5 years old can do with a computer, says Icenhower.

-This completely changed my life. When I returned to the surface I was a changed man. That poem brought me back to life. As if I had been lost in a black hole and found they way out. It made me realise the sun is for everyone and that it shines on those who let it shine on them. That`s how deep it was. It`s f*#king unbelievable.

-I`m afraid to think of what would have happened if I hadn`t read that poem. I might have wasted my entire life in pitch darkness not realising it was a self made trap. No matter how impressing.

Photo Prinz.W(ZH)

Vatican City Threatens To Blow Up North Korea

Here the Pope inspects a Vatican soldier who is far more advanced than
the North Korean counterpart. 
Attack of the teenage mutant ninja catholics. The new Pope on the block has decided to attack North Korea with Gods help.

-There comes a time when certain people needs to be put down. Little Kim has in his brief time as head of state caused more damage to the world than most dictators do in a lifetime.

-I had a chat with God last night. I asked him if it is ok to take out Kim. He didn`t answer. I take that as a silent yes.

-It`s a great way to reestablish the respect for the Catholic Church. Nobody else seems to be able to handle North Korea and we need to show the world that we still matter. That we can handle explosives and use it in a positive way.

Photo BostonCatholic 

Justin Bieber`s Vanilla Ice Cream Car On Sale Now

Memorabieberia. Bieber`s car line hit stores this Friday globally and sales are expected to skyrocket as fans get their license. The car, made by Volkswagen, is a re modified VW Beetle with parent tracking control and Bieber`s back seat stereo & parking lot gettoblaster.

The google self driving technology is safely installed to avoid teen accidents and it comes with an unlimited condom dispenser to avoid teen pregnancies.

BMW confirm that they where offered to manufacture the new automobile, but passed as it would hurt both sales and image. Mercedes-Benz deny that they where ever contacted, so do every Japanse car factory.

But the South Korean car industry tried very hard to get Bieber having seen the tremendous success of PSY. -We`d do anything to get into that dumb market. Anything, including something dumb. We make it back in repair.

Photo M 93

Midgets Seek Celebrity Owners

Pet Shop Boys. -I think the whole celebrity dog thing is over. How many Chihuahua`s do they need? At some point they want somebody who can listen and talk, says Gorilla Man 0.2.

-Therefor I`ve opened a home for lost midgets where famous people can come and buy midgets.

-It`s way better way for us to live cause the spotlight it`s on 24/7. Once the circus show is over it`s back to running under the tables for crumbles.

-Every small person will tell you they hate fighting with dogs for leftovers. Or living in doghouses while eating the dogs. We can only sleep so many nights in one place before hunger gets us and we have to find a new doghouse.

-There`s plenty of advantages with midgets. We can walk the red carpet. Celebrities don`t have to carry us while getting interviewed and they don`t have to worry about us poop on them live on camera.

-To make the cash adoption easier I`m launching a food line for specially for Midgets called Dwarf Food. It will be in retailers all over the world next to the dog food. It`s all eat out of the box and ready to go. No add water or cocking stuff. It`s so easy. Adopting a midget has never been easier.

Photo IMLS DCC

Teen Finally Agree Playing Mini Piano Is Kinda Sick

Smalltalk. -Mini guitar is acceptable, even a mini drum kit, but a pink mini piano? He`ll never get laid, says his father who is looking forward to trash the instrument.

The son on the other hand says in his defence that everything is small today, from mini iPad to mini Cooper and he`s only trying to keep up with the times.

-He`s gay. I don`t hate him, but I don`t love him either - there is a profound difference. But he`s my son. I respect him as a bastard child. What more can you ask of me? I was in Nam!

Photo half alive - soo zzzz

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...