Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. It took the Nazis 5 years to kill 6 million jews.

Ali Baba junior says he got the enlightenment when he looked into a beer glass.

-It was Trump beer. The guy is too busy making money, he would't kill potential consumers, no matter how much he hates them. although I would like to see a settlement of humans on Mars, just as a precaution, you never know with this guy.

Photo by WikiLmages

Earth Melts Ice To Cool Down

In the latest interview with Paranoid Times, earth says it's just putting a few ice cubes in the drinks, who will be served to intergalactic monsters, so please do no worry about global warming, enjoy the time you have left before you are eaten by the biggest monsters in space.

Photo by Taken from Pixabay

Mysteriously Few Grey Haired Leaders In China

What is it with Chinese leaders, they look so perfect. It's like their all hair models.

Where did the West go wrong? Was pollution a good thing? Did it make the Chinese strong? Or is it colouring their hair? Keeping it smooth and strong?

When you compare with American leaders, they turn either grey, white or bold. It's why it's called the White House, by the time your done, you've aged...

The White House could have been named the Grey House or the Bold House, but not the Black House, turning black doesn't provide the same privileges in America as in China.

Photo Voice Of America

Mexico, First Country To Declare Trump Terrorist

Finally, what we have all been waiting for, it's official, The White House is taken over by terrorists. The rest of the world is expected to follow suit as Mexico takes the first bold step to put Trump on their terrorist watch list.

-We will keep a close eye on his movements and keep the world informed on his whereabouts. We have disconnected the red button in his office and changed the codes to the nuclear arsenal as a first line of disaster defence.

-The whole world knows he's up to no good. He's a small match for a United World. There's no need to worry, Mexico is on it, says military general Haseen Itall.

Photo Agustín Barrios 

Trump Is African-American, His Lips Gives Him Away

-He is, confirms lead singer of Rolling Stones and world lip authority Mick Jagger. -I've never seen a white man with lips like that, so he definitely originates from Africa.

Too bad he inherited the big lips, if I where to choose one big thing from my African ancestors it wouldn't be the lips.

Isn't it typical for men who weren't lucky in that department to be big mouthed?! I know all about it. I got a big mouth, but I'm not big mouthed, I don't need to, there's the difference...

Photo Haberlernet Net

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame Offered To Ring The Opening Bell At Wall Street

Quasimodo has also got an offer to ring the bell at WWF and is deeply moved by the outstanding offers while Notre-Dame is rebuilt.

-I thought I was a monster and that nobody wanted to see me, now I get the most spectacular ring jobs in the business. What happened?

-I hear there's even a book written about me and that it's quite famous and has been for, like, 150 years... I had no idea.

Photo Wikipedia Wall Street

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame Out Of Work

-This is the first time since the 15th century I haven't had a job, I'm not sure how the job market will react to my skillset, so much has changed in the last 600 years, you all got those digital things nowadays.., says Quasimodo.

-It looks like I'll have to hit the doll for a few years until they build it up.

Photo LeLaisserPasserA38

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...