Polio Vaccine Receivers Are Thankful Gates Screwed Up At Modelling

Desktop Playboy. -It was for the better. Not everyone with a beautiful mind has a beautiful body, says Asa.

-To bad he had to figure that out the hard way. It must have been a huge blow to his ego that he didn't have the same prowess as Beckham.

-I'm glad it shifted his life into the right direction, but I'm also relieved I was spared for all those photos if his modelling career took off.

Photo Esparta

Filthy Rich Guy Has No Intention To Help Anyone With His Fortune

Much Ado About Nothing. While the riches 1% is gathered in Davos to improve the state of the world Günter has not signed up for a single meeting. -I'm here for the cupcakes.

-I didn't get rich helping others. Why would I? I'm a selfish bastard. Getting rich is about collecting more dough than you need...?! I don't understand why you even ask? The least expect something?!

-To me Davos is the greatest comedy. I mean, the poor is watching!!!! Give me another cupcake!

Photo Wikimedia Commons

Hollande First President To Ever Make A Porn While Still In Office

-It's a master peace. 
The French. -What's all this fuzz about, says the President to a foreign tabloid journalist. -It's France...

Photo jmayrault

-Let's Make The Ugliest Plane Possible And Try Sell It

Airburlesque. The sales pitch for the Airbus cargo plane is widely quoted in the aviation industry. "We can always use it in America..." closed the deal like no other argument in history.

Photo Wikimedia

Putin -I Don't Want A Bunch Of Gay People Fucking Up My Country

Gay Olympics. -If it's so important to them to walk around gay, have your own Olympics. The retards do. Arrange it in Sidney, Key West or San Francisco, just not Russia. I'm putting $51 billion on the table for this party, I decide the rules.

-If the poofs want a say, it's $51 million. Isn't these games gay enough as they are? Do I seriously have to spell it for them?!

Photo Wikimedia Commons

Trader -You Have To Do It For The Money

The Sheep of Wall Street. -There's no other way. You can speak to any wolf at Wall Street and they all tell you the same. You got to do it for the love of it. If you do it for any other cause, charity, whatever... you're doomed.

-The moment you do it for recognition, your family's approval, to please your boss, you're dead inside. You're a walking cash machine. It got to be the love dude, it got to be the real thing.

Academy Nominates The Hell Out Of White People

No Country For Old Butlers. -I rather see a white man and woman struggle in space than revisit African American history one more time. I'll rather see a porn without sex publicly, says profound member of the Academy.

 -Obama is old news, I don't see another black leader taking over. It's just how these things work. They had their time. Now it's gone. Lets move on. I mean, we did this to get over and done with it.

-It's how we as a nation deal with bad shit so we can keep doing them. Let's not get lost here.

Photo ebbandflowphotography

Snowden Has Zero Impact On Russian Surveillance

Inside joke. Kremlin is Russia's Las Vegas. What happens in Kremlin, stays in Kremlin. They'll feed him to the Siberian tigers if he tries anything and he knows that. 

Ironically, thats his best shot at coming home.

Photo askyog

NSA Analyst Grateful To Cut Down On Surveillance

Headache. -I still have 2 terabytes of e-mails from 2003 I haven't gone through and thats before the smartphone, says no name Swanson.

-Nobody champions Snowden more than us.

Photo Wikipedia

Ariel Sharon Is Dead, Catepillar Has No Idea Where To Take It From Here

Rest In Trouble. He's not getting the same funeral as Mandela, that's for sure.

Photo Wikimedia Commons

Most Of World Population Tired Of War By Now

Warotainment. -They want to read about something else. 100 years of this...at this point I think beans would be more interesting, says media expert Destroy Tucker.

Photo Wonderlane

Vineries Change To Cloud Storage

Efficiency first. -It’s cheaper than vine cellars and with this distribution system we can reach all corners of the world. There’s not one market we can’t flood with our product, say vineyard farmer René.

Putin Promise Exceptional Use Of Violence To Take Down The Terrorists

Absolut Putin. -We will reinvent the Second Wold War for a few weeks and destroy absolutely everyone.

-There will be no terrorists left to commit such horrendous crime as the twin bombings in Volgograd because I don't have to deal with an "opposition" like Bush did. The war on terror will be over in 5 weeks.

Photo IoSonoUnaFotoCamera

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...