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Ariel Sharon Is Dead, Catepillar Has No Idea Where To Take It From Here

January 11, 2014

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Rest In Trouble. He's not getting the same funeral as Mandela, that's for sure.

Photo Wikimedia Commons

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Bodybuilder Ate World Food Reserve

Ups. -I didn't intend to, but I'm preparing for the Olympia and first things first, says the man who ate it all.

How do you justify your enormous appetite to the poor people who starves? -When I win I'll thank them for sacrificing themselves.

-But it's hard for me to think of anything else than myself, says the man who is responsible for the global food shortage. I'll probably be more up for a snack.

Photon-o-n-a-m-e

Lenin Farted Inside the Mausoleum

Blast from the Past. It's the smelliest fart in history according to Guinness World Records. Nobody has carried a fart for so long. It's clearly deadly.

-We didn't hear a thing. Suddenly red smoke rose up from his butt cheeks and it triggered the nuclear missile defence system in Kremlin. They where so close to bombing us. Thank God it didn't leak through the mausoleum. Otherwise it would wipe out Moscow.

Stalin is rumoured to return from the dead and kill even more Russians than he did when he was alive with the most vicious fart. His diet was so toxic compared to Stalin that the Russian Defence Minister plans to blow him up in space before he wipes out the entire former Soviet Union.

Photo Themightyquill

UFC Fighter Conor McGregor is Trumps New Press Secretary

Game on. UFC Fighter Conor McGregor looks forward to taking on the press, according to anonymous sources in the CIA. It's a nonstop fight, 24/7, no downtime, just a big bowl of blood.

-I hope he lasts the whole term, but a few days is more realistic. The White House is signing a deal with the Ultimate Fighting Championchips to get an unlimited access to fighters. We need it, says a White House spokeswoman Bring Itonson.

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Editor in Crime Tom Dehli