Mexico, First Country To Declare Trump Terrorist

Finally, what we have all been waiting for, it's official, The White House is taken over by terrorists. The rest of the world is expected to follow suit as Mexico takes the first bold step to put Trump on their terrorist watch list.

-We will keep a close eye on his movements and keep the world informed on his whereabouts. We have disconnected the red button in his office and changed the codes to the nuclear arsenal as a first line of disaster defence.

-The whole world knows he's up to no good. He's a small match for a United World. There's no need to worry, Mexico is on it, says military general Haseen Itall.

Photo Agustín Barrios 

Trump Is African-American, His Lips Gives Him Away

-He is, confirms lead singer of Rolling Stones and world lip authority Mick Jagger. -I've never seen a white man with lips like that, so he definitely originates from Africa.

Too bad he inherited the big lips, if I where to choose one big thing from my African ancestors it wouldn't be the lips.

Isn't it typical for men who weren't lucky in that department to be big mouthed?! I know all about it. I got a big mouth, but I'm not big mouthed, I don't need to, there's the difference...

Photo Haberlernet Net

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame Offered To Ring The Opening Bell At Wall Street

Quasimodo has also got an offer to ring the bell at WWF and is deeply moved by the outstanding offers while Notre-Dame is rebuilt.

-I thought I was a monster and that nobody wanted to see me, now I get the most spectacular ring jobs in the business. What happened?

-I hear there's even a book written about me and that it's quite famous and has been for, like, 150 years... I had no idea.

Photo Wikipedia Wall Street

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame Out Of Work

-This is the first time since the 15th century I haven't had a job, I'm not sure how the job market will react to my skillset, so much has changed in the last 600 years, you all got those digital things nowadays.., says Quasimodo.

-It looks like I'll have to hit the doll for a few years until they build it up.

Photo LeLaisserPasserA38

Easter Bunny Killed By Landmine

-It was not a pretty sight, says witnesses who saw the bunny explode. -He seemed so happy, then kaboom! At least he went out with a bang!

Parents WMA has talked with say that however bad it looks, their kids kinda expected something like this would happen, so their not worried about telling them. Their gonna ask, did you film it?

Photo Dennis Larsen

Fixed 737 Max 8 With Duck Tape

-I always keep a roll handy, I fly like a manic, so I always need to fix something in air. Sometimes I use it on passengers to, if I see someone is getting airsick I tape their mouth.

-I even taped a guys ass once, he was farting like a pig..., says Captain Soon Tobefired-Bigtime.

Photo StockSnap

ISIS Warrior Has To Go Back To Being A Looser

He was promised a leadership job in the Islamic state with competitive salary. He was looking forward to finally earning millions of dollars.

He only made a few lousy bucks washing floors in a hopping centre that was about to be closed, but he could continue the American dream in the caliphate and work his way up, until it collapsed and made him a no paid prison toilet cleaner.

Photo Beacon of Hope 

The Leader of 0.02% of the Human Population Wants Us To Believe He Can Kill Anybody On Earth With His Rockets

Anyone, anytime, with the touch of a button, thats his salespitch to the world, and to back it up he's made slick Hollywood animation videos where computer animated submarines send animated rockets  into the sky.

Accompanied by a narrator who tells us they can reach the whole world within hours.

Wow, what a bunch of crap.

Photo Dimitro Sevastopol

China Buys Europe

Tired of humans rights and copyrights laws, the Asian giant figured out it's better to buy them out. -We already make everything they need, lets take the last step, says Chinas real estate agent Sun.

-Look, Europeans move their factories to China, let us buy Europe so Europeans can keep their factories in Europe.

-It's a good offer, another option is war, and we both know China wins. We can afford to loose one billion people, you don't even have one billion people, so it would be a wise choice to take our offer before we change our minds.

Photo Joseph

Melania Takes Out Divorce, Sick Of Trump

Melania Trump is reportedly sick of her husbands behaviour and has filed for divorce. Trump tried to talk her into continuing as a second lady, but negotiations fell through. She wants half.

According to White House rumours, Trump offered her Canada instead and threw in Mexico to shut her up, but Melania turns out to be a better dealmaker than her husband.

She can literary travel back to Eastern Europe with Eastern USA in her suitcase. That's a First Lady!

Photo The White House

President Trump Is Broke

The President is wearing a fake Rolex. The real one is in a pawnbroker in Harlem. Trump promises nobody will notice. He has bought second hand suits and ties that look similar to his trademark look White House Trash.

Trump admits he never had any money. It was all a lie. And he didn't reveal is taxes because he was so ashamed of being poor. "I did't pay tax cause there was nothing to tax".

Photo IoSonoUnaFotoCamera

Shocking Amount Of Fake Gold In Trump Towers

Thieves where stunned by how little their stolen goods from the Trump Tower was worth, when they tried to sell it on the black market. Similar rumours from other Trump Towers has circulated for a while, and today it became official.

A group of inmates serving long sentences for breaking in and stealing luxury goods who turned out worthless has issued a criminal warning. "Don't steal from Trump Towers, it's worthless".

Analytics don't think this will affect the market value of the brand name at all. Since the tenants bought the lie the first time around, their likely to buy it again and again and again. There's no signs of tenants wanting to move so, there you go...

Photo Jude Joshua

Breaking News: Earth Crashed In Space

At 06.00 hours this morning, GMT Standard Time, earth crashed with a planet who was, up to this point, invisible to the human eye. How long it has been in earth's flyzone is among many questions NASA is working on.

-This is one of those rare occasions when the questions are more difficult than the answers. We have to re-write history, or re-imagine it. How do we explain the dinosaurs disappearing now? It sure is tempting to, just for once, pretend it never happened, says NASA's spokeswoman Cortez Alienz.

Photo Free-Photos