The Hairdressers Who Cut The Chinese Leaders Don’t Take Any Risks

One world one haircut. -We go for the stability look, says Mingli.  We have to get permission to cut every single hair. There’s no time to fool around with the latest trends. The fashion change before we finish, so the result would be devastating. Imagine the Paramount Leader with a Mohawk?!

Photo Lars Plougmann

Fire Department Expect Less Wildfires As People Switch To E-Cigarettes

Smokey and the Bandit. -I don't know if I should be firing or crying. I wont need half the fighters I have today. I might even be out of a job myself, says Fire Chief Alberto Jose in San Diego, California.

-Guys like us need the action. Since there's so little to do, some of my best men began robbing banks. The rest became street fighters. Domestic fires are already down. I can't fix the numbers forever. Damn you e-cig. Your'e killing me and I don't smoke!

Photo Miramar Fire Department

Throwing Governments Becomes New Olympic Event

Country fighting. Thailand and Egypt has already qualified. Despite many attempts, Syria don't make the minimum requirement. Still, lots of things can happen before Rio 2016.  North Korea and Afghanistan are definitely among the runner ups and who knows, there might be another giant surprise from Asia.

Photo Adrian8_8

Ousted Thai Prime Minister Tried to Sell Her Mansion on eBay

Same, same, but different. Minutes after she was jailed, the former Prime Minster, Lady Gone Gone, tried to sell it abroad with her smartphone.

-Nice try, says the general in charge.

Photo APEC 2013

Interpol Encourage Sex Offenders To Travel To Thailand

Quick justice. -The military has overthrown the government and taken control of the country. The chance they get killed is bigger than ever. Therefor we offer sex offenders 90% off plane ticket from anywhere in the world, says Interpol in a web release. 

Interpol estimate the campaign will eliminate all sex offenders completely. -Their drive is bigger than their ability to reason, if not they would not be doing this, so we know for a fact that they will fall for the offer. To put it this way, it’s worth the money.

Photo Commander, U.S. 7th Fleet

Russian TV: Every European Has AIDS

State controlled reality. Russian TV warn fellow countrymen against having contact with Europeans. -They all got AIDS, herpes, ebola... Please stay away.

-And Americans to, they have everything under the sun. You will die within 2 minutes.

Photo Wikipedia

China's Dictator Disappointed with the Other Dictators

Chop suey. -I try to set a standard, but all these freaks do is build shit for themselves. Where is the humanity? What good is violence if you can’t force people to live in harmony?

-I’m seriously considering killing them all, occupy the countries and liberate the people.

-Heard it before? Well.., I'm the boss now.

Photo Wikipedia

Russia Bring Their Own Stadiums to Brazil

Home & away. -We play better on our own terms. The game is rigged anyway, why not rig it yourself? says Russia's national football team.

Photo Military Sealift Command

Drones Send Fighter Pilots To Unemployment

Up in the air. Who though this guy would be replaced by a robot? Technology has finally caught up with the best of us.

-Your are the last person I'd expect here. Your'e not the kind of archetype we usually see, says social worker Lisa Helpson at Miami Beach Unemployment Office in Florida.

-I know, it's humiliating, but a machine does my job cheaper, safer and faster, so there you have it. I've been replaced by a freaking airborne assembly line.

Photo Wikipedia

Interior Designers Approve The Eurovision Song Contest Winner

Mr GaGa. -The song looked good. It had all the qualities of a great room. There's no doubt, Conchita Wurst filled the space the best, but we must say, there where many good looking songs this year.

Photo Nic McPhee

The Bearded Lady From Eurovision Song Contest Is The Next Bond Villain

Mixed Feelings. -She can't be the Bond girl. Our audience isn't ready for that yet - if it ever will, who knows, but she can still freak out our hardcore fan base.

According to Hollywood rumours, the drag queen from Austria might also replace fellow countryman Arnold Schwarzenegger in the up coming Terminator 5. When asked to comment, Arnold says -This is bullshit.

Photo Wikipedia

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...