Thank You For Not Choosing Us

Starfall. "We appreciate if you find somewhere else to stay", reads the sign from customer service in the entrance at Dubai Hotel.

-It`s only me and Sue Helen from Botswana at work today. She hardly speaks English and we got 6000 guests to cater. It`s a living nightmare. Unless they want to sleep in hell I suggest the outdoors.

The hell concept is a new thing in five star hotels. The guest, usually overblown by money and delusioned by the asslickers around them, are offered to feel like shit. To make it real, the manager fired 99.99% of the staff.

-I put them in the dumpster. That way I din`t have to fire them. They quit by themselves. The humiliation saved me the paperwork and you know... legal rights. Not that they where legal.

-To top off the offer I wake up the guest with a brass orchestra at 4 in the morning following a trip to the zoo. Compliments of the hotel as I like to say, but they understand it`s either that or Bulldog, my 300 pound black gorilla guard will I`ll throw them out the window.

-The higher up they live the more they agree. Except for the suicidals, they don`t care. Neither do we. I call them porch monkeys... or smash monkeys. Depends on how smashed they get. Anything above 80th usually do. And if I hit a few incoming guests... Strike!

-I live for that moment.

Photo   Crazy Diamond