Lance Armstrong Opens Up About The Drug Abuse

Lancenot. -It started out as a bet in a poker game. I lost a lot and had to sell drugs to pay my dues. A friend of mine knew this guy who knew this guy and he had some dough he wanted to get rid off, says Lance.

-I though maybe it`s better if I sell this in Europe, so my friends and family doesn`t get to know about it if I get caught. So we came up with this brilliant idea of going on a bicycle tour in Europe and take it from there. I mean who`s going to think a cyclist sells drugs?

-So we went to France. I`ve never heard of the place. I thought it was a city in Germany, but it turned out it was a country of their own, with their own language and guess what, bicycle race. Who has bicycle races these days? ?????? It was too good to be true.

-On my first trip I noticed people where cycling fast, like they where chasing a carrot or something so I had to speed up to not fall behind. As this continued I though to myself "I might as well take some dough to keep up".

-As soon as I sold even I did and I won whole the race which surprised me, cause I was selling to the other contesters. Maybe it`s my cancer background. After facing death I don`t care anymore. I took ten times the recommended drug abuse. I bet none of the other pussies dared that.

-So here I was back in USA with no depth and a bright future of going back and make some profit. Why not? It`s the perfect smuggler route around "France". Just wait a year so people don`t get suspicious.

-Next year everybody wanted it. I made so much money I eventually had to start a charity to fix my books and not to talk about divert attention. The French where so French about an American winning Tour de France year in and year out. I see now why so many French immigrated to America. I would have immigrated to Siberia myself. It also explains why there is so many dummies in America today.

-Yeah, so thats my story. The reason I`m here in Adelaide down under is to put my past behind me and pretend it`s not there. Anybody up for tour Australia?