-I`ve saved so much since began ignoring them. I look at the add and forget to roll down the window and give. So I spend the money on whats advertised instead.
Photo Michael Cory
Billboard Make Street Way Prettier
-I`ve saved so much since began ignoring them. I look at the add and forget to roll down the window and give. So I spend the money on whats advertised instead.
Photo Michael Cory
US Speeds Up Border Fence Building To Stop Mexican Workers Return
-Thank God for drug trafficking. Otherwise we wouldn`t have anything to do. We could shoot monkeys.., but it`s not the same. They don`t have cash and there`s no status. Monkey business and monkeys is two different things. I learned that where the sun don`t shine.
Mexicans have been seen playing Bob Dylan`s Time Are A Changing right up in the faces off patrol guards moments before they piss over to the Mexican side. Who`s going to work the floor on K-Mart now? White people? Certainly not Mexicans. Their all driving Porche`s and BMWs now.
Photo Wonderlane
Mountain Lucy Aims At Making The Cover Of National Geographic In 2 Million Years
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| -Few think about it, but archaeologists find homo sapiens like your neighbour, not interesting people at all. They had to die and and stay dead for thousands of years before anyone paid attention to them. |
-I understood I`ll never make it in this world. Everything I ever lived for suddenly disappears right infront of me without even happening. Right there and then I made a pack with myself, If I can`t make it in this life, I`ll make it in the next.
-I took on my boots and went hiking. My plan is to find the right spot where archaeologists of the future can find me intact. The only survivor of the electric age. I quite fancy the idea of Indiana Jones holding me in his hands and putting the world in motion to stop the evil doers from getting my body.
-I know I`m hot, but wait till the end of time and I`ll be on any fucking magazine cover! You know what they say: age before beauty. I`m going to prove them right!
Photo Bods
Wild Turkeys Survived Thanksgiving
-It`s rare that they get so old. Most are killed instantly at early adolescent. There`s no point keeping them alive until Thanksgiving when we can freeze them down. Just a waste of money, says Mr Olson.
He tells WMA that some of the Turkeys people eat have been frozen for years. -It`s like people who are frozen down and hope they can wake up in the future when science is up to their problem. Only the turks don`t ask for eternal life. They ask to be eaten.
Mr Olsen is not afraid that the two animals on the loose will return to rescue the others. -This is not Chicken Run, their stupid, they`ll never understand I treat them like Jews during World War 2. They don`t have the brains to see the similarities between me and Hitler.
-Could you imagine the Nazis eat Jews? Ugh! Let`s not go there.
Photo The Holy Hand Grenade!
Student Eager to Write Biography On Sexy Writer Paula Broadwell
-Then after that I would like to write it again - same way, 2-300 times.
Photo hildgrim
George Bush Senior Too Old To Replace Larry Hagman
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-We`re glad we made that decision. The Bond people never took James on a trip to the elderly center. I don`t think we want to see that. JR Ewing has to be out there screwing women and his business partners. Who want`s to fantasize about the realities of life?
Photo Marion Doss
George W Bush Takes Over as JR Ewing After Larry Hagman
-Years from now fans will argue who was the best Ewing. Larry was like Sean Connery, he sat the example and made the role world known. Bush is more like Roger Moore. It`s too good to be true. Who would think a former President could end up a Hollywood actor?
Photo Live & Local
Fat Albert Talks About Crossfat
-I work in lazyness now. I`m a PT. I coach people in fatness. And I`m one of the best. You`re guaranteed gaining weight if you hire me.
-I specialize in crossfat which is a new disipline in fatworks. It`s a combination of working infront of a pc all day long and watching tv when you come home. I`ve had customers whos put in an average of 17 hours a day and my god they look awful.
-I don`t recommend more than that cause you need 8 hours of sleep. Crossfat is tough on the body and you need to recover. You also need time to go the toilet so I recommend scheduling it into your program so you don`t loose a shit.
-It`s humiliating having poo fall down from you ass while your not aware of it and exposing it to others is not only grose and uneccesary. It is damaging for the sport. It hurts our reputation. We need a shitfree environment to make this movement grow.
Photo WilliamNilly
Wall Street Celebrates Thankstaking
Photo Abeeeer
Pentagon Envy Apple`s New Headquarter
-Yeah, whatever, responds Steve Jobs successor to the criticism.
-I will personally plant a tree in the middle of the garden on opening day and to those of you who see things differently, the crazy onces, the misfits, the troublemakers, to those who think outside the circle and believe they can change the world... you know what to do.
Photo Official website of Cupertino City Council
Palestine Asked Israelis To Go Inside Their Homes Before They Bombed It
-If it wasn`t for my brother, we would have not died, cause the missile was stopped by the Iron Dome. So we didn`t get to see any awesome explosions. I ran up all those stairs for nothing.
Photo yanec
Israel Plan To Invade Germany: -We See No Other Option
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| -The world already looks at us as the big Satan, We feel it`s time to live up to our reputation for a change. We`re sick of not deserving it. |
-The Germans owe us for WW2 and 65 years of hell. It`s time for major payback. And I can`t see any reason why they shouldn`t welcome us.
-We`ll fix the European economy in a minute. We`ll make the Turks seem like a small minority and we`re already brainwashed, so they don`t have to "make us fit into society", we actually work for a living.
Photo IsraelinUSA
The World Has Had Enough, Time To Kill Off The Gaza Religions
-From tomorrow I`m withdrawing my peace negotiations. If they still want to fight, let them fight. I`m not going to do anything to stop them anymore cause their not even trying. This is on them. No more mercy.
-I got other balls to fry, says Billy Dickhead while he solves the rest of the world problems and cuts the hair on his customer in Las Vegas, USA.
-I should be President... -I know, confirms Billy Dickhead to himself outloud. At this point the customer fakes an sms and leaves in a hurry claiming his 70 year old wife is giving birth.
Photo Physicians for Human Rights - Israel
PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!! - Just Kidding
Middle Eastern`s are like Italians without the guns. So why not. It could work. The Italians put up with Vatican City in the heart of Rome. They have had the most corrupt man lead their country for years and they scream all the time.
Do it!
Photo Rex
Earth Take Time-Out In Selecting The Next City To Destroy
-Every 5 million years I give birth to a planet. Humans stupidly mistake volcanoes for volcanoes... It`s a birth canal. I`m multi vaginal. Every month I have my period somewhere in the world. Mammals loose blod, I loose magma.
-Life didn`t begin at the big bang. It began at the big birth. She was my grandplanet, Mother space. She got billions of planets. All over. I`ll never forget her. We can`t live like that today. To many of us already. She was really swinging in space.
Photo Bluedharma
Guy Without Military Experience Spent $5000 To Look Like Latino Bond
-There`s an awful lot of them. Rich American kids with too much money to understand the value of education. We like them. They come here on holiday thinking it`s much cheaper here and it is so we make special tripple price for you my friend.
-And they got a lot of friends. Lot.
-The Diesel Terrorist look sells like crazy. We gave it a touch of Che Guevara so both confused idiots and anti-Americans, where ever they come from, some even come from America...
-I personally get a kick out of those sells. Their special dollars to me. It`s fuck you with a twist and they don`t get it. But my bank account does.
Photo TheSLine
Israel and Palestine Go At It Again
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again.
Photo CyprusPictures
BBC To Headhunt The Pope
-Someone who has benefitted from standing on the shoulders of giant sex offenders. Someone who has done it before and knows how to do it again. The Vatican seem like such a natural place to go.
The Vatican on the other hand was quite surprised when BBC came to them. -We where thinking of going to them. It`s only a matter of time before the next pope come from BBC.
Photo Padmanaba01
SuperPack Guy Regret He Didn`t Buy Sri Lanka Instead of Mitt Romney
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| -At least I still got the cheese, aurgh! |
-It was the human side of me who got the better part of me. It`s good to have an excuse when you bet 35 billion dollars on the wrong horse.
-It got to tempting having the president as my bitch. Giving him so much money he had to obey my wishes, like a dog on a leash... like having the President live in my White dog House... there`s something about money that corrupts the soul... mmm mm mmm m.
-Mm mmm m mmm m mmmm mm mm mmm m m.
-Yeah, there`s definitely something corrupting about 35 billion dollars... arrrrrghh!
-ARRGGGHHHH!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! UH!!!
Photo CarbonNYC
Kid Thanks Hollywood For Distributing Their Films To His Part Of The World, Otherwise He Has To Watch Those Cambodian Movies
-It`s so weird, I live in dreamland, but they put out so much crap here it makes me want to see movies from Hollywood.
-I really like those big bang bang bang bang car chase "Wow, did you see that" explosion stuff. I get goosebumps like when I stay too long in the water.
-The movies makes it easier to live in paradise. Knowing that there is someone out there who care about my imagination and don`t give a shit about safety make me feel safe at night.
Photo Frontierofficial
Gas Sent Diver Off Course
-If it wasn`t for my desire to sail we could not be a couple. The ocean keeps us together. It has saved his life and others with the the same condition so many times, it makes up for all it takes.
-Some men snore, others fart. It`s nothing to be ashamed off. I`ve been with a lot of weirdos, but nothing beats having your guy catapult away when you climax.
Photo Frontierofficial
Hamas Fire Back At Israel To Their Big Surprise
-We think firing back like amateur idiots will give us much needed sympathy in the world press. Thats what we`re really aiming at.
-If we hit too well, we loose the world. We need to loose, but attack big enough to get Israel to loose control. Thats what we do around here. Coffee?
Photo Erik Charlton
Israel Kill Military Chief of Hamas And Hope He Will Not Be Replaced
-Look, I have an impossible job explaining this. There`s no way anybody would give their thumbs up in advance. No country on earth except arms dealers would support this. Thats why we went ahead and demand forgiveness later.
-I personally think it would be more effective to fill our bombs with bananas. How can they respond to that with another airstrike? But I`m the attackminister and imagine how people would not re-elect me if I suggest to bomb the Gaza Strip with appels and oranges. It would be tragic to my career. I would bring shame on my family, my party, my neighbours and my wife would take the kids and leave me yelling "I didn`t marry a vegetarian!".
-I ask myself many times... If we turned the Gaza Strip into a huge strip club, would the men fight then? Maybe we`re asking the wrong question. Maybe life is not about who was here first, but who is here now. If you get fundamental questions like that wrong early on... no wonder we fight.
Photo rafahkid
Area Muslim Doesn`t Want To Change The World
-Before everything was much easier. I never did anything I wanted to. It was all laid out for me. Now I`m getting all these choices. I can choose this and that...
-Choosing to do sinful things was never optional before. I never had the opportunity to be personal bad. It always had to be institutional. Now it doesn`t and it`s tempting. I know the consequences of not getting caught. That is new to me. Totally new. Whereas being good isn`t.
-What can I say. I like to explore new things...
Photo U.S Embassy Kabul Afghanistan
When The CIA Boss Can`t Keep The Affairs With His Mistresses Secret, The Whole Organisation Is In Deep Trouble
-She was worth it. Definitely. The war on terror is coming to an end and I try to get as much peace of ass that I possibly can while CIA is still hot among the chicks.
-I`m married to Michelle, so I don`t have to think like that. Besides there`s something called long time relationship, but you wouldn't know anything about that would you?
-I guess thats too much to ask for a CIA operative in times like this.
Photo The U.S. Army
Taking Down Armstrong Is Strauss Kahn`s Work
WMA was surprised about Kahn`s willingness to discuss the accusations. He more than answered, he hit on our reporter and tried to drag her into a rom and rape her, but enough about that.
-We all knew that yankee was drugged. They all where, but it was god for our economy. They gave us much needed attention and money. So we let those rats work for us, says Kahn.
-As a thank you for arresting me for having sex with a prostitute in New York, we reveal one of the American countrymen`s bad action here. Unfortunately we can`t take anyone for having sex here. Thats why people come to France. It`s what we do. But some prefer to cycle. To us, that is a crime.
Photo World Trade Organization
That Fucker Really Got It Good Ey!
-It`s moments like this, when I see my roommate shit his pants that makes it all worth it. 100 dollars to see him eat 25 hotdogs. Fuck that was disgusting.
-He should have swallowed his proud and puked it right up, but he was to self aware. Like it`s sexy to eat freaking 25 hotdogs?!
-I`ve never seen a hotdog come out of a mans ass. Next time I`m gonna get him to eat his credit card and when it`s time to pay the dinner he can pull down his pant...
Photo oati
Lance Armstrong Opens Up About The Drug Abuse
-I though maybe it`s better if I sell this in Europe, so my friends and family doesn`t get to know about it if I get caught. So we came up with this brilliant idea of going on a bicycle tour in Europe and take it from there. I mean who`s going to think a cyclist sells drugs?
-So we went to France. I`ve never heard of the place. I thought it was a city in Germany, but it turned out it was a country of their own, with their own language and guess what, bicycle race. Who has bicycle races these days? ?????? It was too good to be true.
-On my first trip I noticed people where cycling fast, like they where chasing a carrot or something so I had to speed up to not fall behind. As this continued I though to myself "I might as well take some dough to keep up".
-As soon as I sold even I did and I won whole the race which surprised me, cause I was selling to the other contesters. Maybe it`s my cancer background. After facing death I don`t care anymore. I took ten times the recommended drug abuse. I bet none of the other pussies dared that.
-So here I was back in USA with no depth and a bright future of going back and make some profit. Why not? It`s the perfect smuggler route around "France". Just wait a year so people don`t get suspicious.
-Next year everybody wanted it. I made so much money I eventually had to start a charity to fix my books and not to talk about divert attention. The French where so French about an American winning Tour de France year in and year out. I see now why so many French immigrated to America. I would have immigrated to Siberia myself. It also explains why there is so many dummies in America today.
-Yeah, so thats my story. The reason I`m here in Adelaide down under is to put my past behind me and pretend it`s not there. Anybody up for tour Australia?
Photo ♻
Tree Decided to End It After A Lifetime In The Dark
-And that stupid saying: If you can`t beat them join them. How can I join a building of fifth ave? How am I gonna get there, Nature`s Taxi?
-And that crap never give up I only come in 100m. The skyscrapers touch the sky. Thats why their called skyscrapers. My name is not tree scraper and doping won`t make me 6 times longer.
-I really hate in when people say the sky is the limit. No, the skyline is the limit. Believe me, I live and die by it.
Photo jebb
Lincoln Had That Muslim Hairdo Right Down
Original muslim. The declaration of independence was originally written in three languages. English, German and Arabian. The German and Arabian got lost over the years and there is talk about a hindu too.All the images of Abe with long Muslim beard has been carefully destroyed ages ago. The US Archives only kept those with "appropriate length".
All his hindu clothes are burned. The Koran is long removed and pictures of the prophet too. Same with the imagery of naked Jesus with his 12 nude men going at it from door to door. Al gone.
Photo guano
Romney Regret He Didn`t Run For Messiah
-It is me who needs real recovery now. God, I`m gonna miss this mic. It`s like my second dick. I like to hold it with that hard firm look. It gives me the illusion of control. Who said I`m into bondage?
-God gave me gift of talking to spread his word and I used it for what? Become President of The United States Of America? No matter it didn`t work. I was spreading the wrong gospel.
Photo cornstalker
Michelle Is Getting It Tonight
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| The American Dream |
Secret Service has turned of the surveillance equipment tonight and the President is scheduled for a late start tomorrow.
Photo Tom Lohdan
Mitt Romney Got Cockblocked By Obama
-Mitt can be my secretary off defeated rivals. It`s a few of them by now. They need nurturing like the war vets.
-He could be my minister of agriculture cause he`s so god damn old. Plus mormons know a lot about that stuff, but seriously he should get the business department, If his ego allowed him to work for me.
Something tells me he`s not ready to be my bitch yet. He based his whole campaign on getting that nigga out of here. Poor boy.
Photo ProgressOhio
Dude Already Forgot Mitt Romneys Name
-You can`t expect me to remember the name of every one hit wonder. I have difficulties enough remembering their lyrics, uh... message. It was something like blah blah blah blah.
Photo valli_mark
Romney Looks At The Prospects Of Being A Used Car Salesman
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| -I`d like a future with that. |
-I could also buy up a chain of pawnbrokers and turn it into fine wine stores selling the same shit. I can sell horseshit as pork or porkshit as beef.
-I could also get a job at McDonalds. I could get a job as a mormon.
-I could get caught trying to kill Obama in Presidential envy. I could join the boy scouts and start all over again. I could follow in Michael Jacksons footsteps, but that is not a good idea.
Photo katherinecresto
Voter Killed Himself After Watching A String Of Negative Campaign Ads
Psychiatrists says this reaction is normal and that their surprised not more people has killed themselves. Especially among 18-100 who can vote and watch a lot of tv. -We thought maybe the world population would drop by 10% since so few of them get to vote in this election. It would certainly hurt me, says Franco the psychiatrist.
-We where kinda hoping for a bost in medicine sales, not officially, off course. This kind of fear mongering can bring down whole nations. It`s not god for anything except us. And we don`t even have to endorse it. There`s no superpack, no campaign contributions. It`s pure profit, baby.
Photo dsb nola
Donald Trump Desperately Tries To Convince Voters Obama Is A Terrorist By Not Finding Out
-I got my men looking into this. My men as in gay lovers. There`s a lot of male gold diggers out there desperat to do whatever to get their hands on some money. I don`t see the harm in abusing that against them, as long as their not terrorist muslims with a secret agenda to blow up America.
-They do everything the woman do and less. I`m not into the man on man or mano-a-mano thing, even dough I wear Armani. I prefer women and I hate it when my men overdo it. Then I mean my men as in mountain swallowers or money fuckers. God I hate it, but I understand it. I would have done the same if I wear in their position. I know where they come from. I worked my way up the chain too.
-I`m not surprised about the rumors Obama killed Kennedy cause I set them out. But to be sure I set my men to investigate further and they found some revealing facts. I would make a better president than Obama and Mitt Romney. True story. And I have an impressive dick. Every hooker in Vegas can confirm.
Photo Gage Skidmore
The World Has Agreed To Install Obama If Romney Wins
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| -We will probably use unecessary brutal force to complete the mission, you know, for old times sake, says Put. |
-Somebody has to tell them whats best for them. We like Obama, we like what he has done and we want him to continue that, says Vladimir Putin. -On behalf of all the other schmucks who lacks the balls to say it out loud. The Russian troops will bomb USA from the minute the result is wrong.
-Even the Syrians agree Obama is a better choice. They know whats coming if Romney gets the army. Total mayhem. We like weak America and we prefer weak America to continue. To our understanding it is best Bama continues. We don`t want to risk Romney actually succeed at getting the economy going.
Photo maiak.info
Jodie Don`t Care Who Wins Anymore, More Concerned If There Is No Winner
-I can`t leave my country and expect it to be a non subject there. It`s the talk of the day everywhere in the world, says Jodie who`s never been outside her State or state of mind.
-So I`m thinking about space travel. I understand the attraction now. I never did before, but now I do. I would actually pay gazillions of dollars to leave earth and come back when it`s over.
Photo La Melodie
Patient Escaped From Hospital With Broken Leg
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| -I want my private life coming, coming back, |
-It`s the fourth time he does something like this. He saw a documentary on tv about the flamingo dance in Argentina and suddenly he thinks he knows the language and can dance like a cabron.
-Last time he thought he was a professional soccer player for Real Madrid and ran across the stadion but naked yelling Gestapo! Before that he rang on people`s doorbell and said "mi casa su casa", walked right inn and ate from their fridge until he dropped.
Some patients are better off left alone.
Photo cookipediachef
Fed Up Joe Votes For The Candidate With The Dirtiest Smear Campaign
-If you ask me why I don`t care, I`ll tell you I do, but about the wrong issues. When I come home and take off these clothes, I`m an ashole. I don`t care about others. I don`t care about faking it either. I`m a selfish prick who thinks about me and me only. And I`m proud of it.
-When I hear about global warming, I don`t care, cause it happens after I die. It doesn`t affect me. You might say "what about your grand children?" Fuck èm! I want my SUV more.
Photo s.maentz
Wolverine Pass On Offer To Star In Sex-Men
-Lot of people wonder if I do wolfs. Sometimes. It all depends on the mood. If it`s late and the moon is shining I`ll do it. It`s not much stopping me then.
-I prefer doggy style, wolfs really don`t have styles. It`s more of a combat existence. It doesn`t translate well to sex. It too tough for rough love, it`s more like rape love. It`s disgusting.
Photo marvelousRoland
Athlete Pee In Pool To Win Game
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| Marking territory |
-When they realize it is, they get paralyzed like my piss has some kind of power over them. They feel surrounded by piss and performing well disgust them, says Urin Boy.
Photo istolethetv
New York Marathon Canceled To Make Space For New York Water Polo
-I know it`s ridiculous, but I have no islamists to blame and I desperately need to redirect attention. The Big Apple can only take so much negative press before it hurt our tourist industry.
-So if you think I do this for the locals, think again. It`s all about the money.
Photo tpower1978
Luke Skywalker Gets His Own Tonight Show
Luke Skywalker is surprised about the format he`s assigned to work in, but he understands the need to adjust to the times.
-I just don`t know what to say. I hear we`re redoing the Letterman shows from 1982-93. As long as there is a teleprompter feeding me words I`m okay with Bugs Bunny. Did you read those Star Wars scripts? They where insane.
Photo nickstone333
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