The Adventures of Steven Spielberg

Boy wonder. In awe of the great magic man Hollywood is remaking The Magnificent Seven with the director in all seven roles.

-He is that great. He can actually pull off doing The Magnificent Steven Spielberg by only drawing from his own movies. Put in an indian, a little shark, an alien, a few dinosaurs, some private parts, a list and a close encounter and you have the first of a whole series of hits.

Hollywood moguls are grateful Mr Spielberg didn`t make all his hits at once. -Thank God he spread them out. Imagine opening up with that line of titles. Cinema would never be the same. Whatever we had put up it would be a downer.

Other Hollywood director wish Spielberg died of cancer. -It`s not so important what he dies of, as long as he dies. He makes us look so bad. Like a bunch of nobodies, says Hollywood Joe.

-I don`t understand how he does it. It can`t be drugs. It can`t be good fortune. Nobody is that lucky. It can`t be all the parties cause he never really attended any. It can`t be the womanizing cause he doesn`t. Maybe thats it... He devoted his time to work. Fuck me, says Another Hollywood Joe.

-Why not me, says Every Hollywood Joe. I`ve sleept with every title in town. I`ve gone to every party. Mingled with every decision faker, shared magic moments with friends of important people and nearly gotten an invitation into the inner circles of Glorywood a hundred times. Why not me??? God damit, do I have to work for it too now?! What is happening to the City of Angels? Are you seriously telling me it wasn`t meant ironically? Motherfucker!!!!

Photo G155