Prince William fights crime at night

Her Majesty's Secret Service. The Prince rescued the police from an ambush last night. -We where following a lead on a drug investigation which turned out the be a set up. They had us tied up with rope and was dumping us in the river when prince William turned up. The guys where like what! He must have done kick boxing for 20 years cause he had them down in no time. We still don`t know what to think. It all went too quickly, says one of the policemen who insists on being anonymous.

Prince is reluctant to speak about the incident. When asked if he used a Batman costume he says dressing up in an adult bat costume never appealed to him, besides Kate would never approve. In fact now that she knows she will most likely talk him into therapy.

-I wear regular jeans and sweatshirts. I use enough costumes in my daily job. I have to draw the line somewhere. What really pisses me off is that my cover is broken. Don`t get me wrong, I love Kate, but you know, there are other ways to marry than having BBC broadcasting your wedding to the world. It`s a bit over the top for me. This whole Batman thing is to stay sane. I have to level all this nonsense somehow. Fighting crime seemed like a valid option. If you only knew how many famous people there are out there kicking ass and taking names... I guess what I`m trying to say is this would not make headlines.

-I`ve only done it for 7 years so I`m still roughly new at it. Every ten years or so someones screws it up. This decade it was me. Those f@#%#@* iPhone cameras!

Photo it's a foot! / AN HONORABLE GERMAN

Most Humans Still Alive Half Way Through Trumps Presidency

-Humanity will survie Trump, says Ali Baba junior, he got less than 2 years left, there's not enough time to kill 7 billion people. ...