Some countries change Prime Minister as often as others change their underwear, it's hygienic, but not very practical...
Photo by Sergeant Tom Robinson RLC/MOD
Trump & Khamenei To Appear On Season Finale Of Deal Or No Deal
There battle of the Strait of Hummus to be continued live on NBC...
Photo by - https://twitter.com/DealOrNoDealAUS
Refugee Kicked Out Of World Cup Can Stay On Earth
Fifa just annonced that the African refugee who was shamefully denied access to USA and thrown out has safely retured to his home country in Africa.
A lot has changed since his brothers and sisters came over against their will a few hundred years ago, but not racism, thats pretty stabile.
Chances are, there will be consequences next time the World Cup is hosted on the African continent.
On the other hand, as long as things aren't worse than they are now, chances are, Africans are quite happy with the the rest of the world picking up the bill way into the future, as long as its available on the tv.
Photo by Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter
Winner Of World Cup NOT Playing Other Planets
Fifa want to calm down players who fear that winning will turn into a galactic nightmare.
"The winner of the Fifa World Cuo will not play against other life forms elsewhere in the Universe. So players can relax, they are not expected to play at a different gravity later on , they have had enough adjusting to the current climate".
-FIFA.
Photo by - Flickr
Bought All The Tickets In The Stadium - I Want To Watch The Game Alone!
After his tv broke down, he had an epiphany. -Why don't I buy the whole stadium? I can't believe I hadn't thought of that before. I guess I was brainwashed by these big flatscreen TVs. Anyhow, turns out the stadium wasn't for sale, so what about the tickets then, says Drum Boy.
-I don't want a bunch of strangers in the stadium any more than my living room, but I got to admit, the image quality is better on a huge 4K screen than up front. And the sound too, so I brought a portable speaker and played some music. Tell you the truth, I want paying much attention to the game.
-Now I just have to pay off my credit card depth. I got an African Bank with unlimited overdraft. That's gonna be interesting. Hey, you only live once, ey! Maybe not much longer, but at least I lived it while it lasted.
Photo by Beechey604
The Middle East Best At Renewable Warfare , Russia-Ukraine In At Lousy Second
Just stating the obvious. It's only facts. Please scroll on. Nothing to see here. Scroll along...
Image by Homo sapiens / public domain
Epstein Files Buried On The Moon
Arthritis II - The Great Cover Up is the most successful and expensive trip in space since Watergate. They didn't need to, but they did anyway.
They could have deleted the files at work, it would have been much cheaper, but thats why they didn't and hid it in the dark web, the original dark web, space!
The global elite doesn't use the dark web for their criminal activities, they use the dark space, to be sure they dont get caught.
The International Space Station has always been a front, to hide the poker game. As long as there has been humans in space, its always been about trafficking, prostitution and gambling.
Like on earth. Humans are what they are wherever they go. High and low.
Photo by Gregory H. Revera
There Isn't A Plastic Surgeon In The World Who Can Save Putins Face Now
-He could try a total reface, there are clinics in Central America who proced such operations, but he has to arrive there alive. The surgeons can't fix a dead body. Not in the shape he'll be in, says European Army Scientics, Adaku Musa, from Nigeria, at The African Union War House in Addis Abada in Ethiopia.
-Getting to Central America in one piece, forget it. Not now. If he come with a plane, they will shoot him down. Somebody. Anybody. Doesn't matter at this point. He's toast. He's not making it outside Russia alive and it's only a matter of time how long he can survive inside.
-Besides, I don't think they operate war criminals, criminals for sure, but not war criminals, it's bad for business, who wants to be associated with that?! Or Europeans? They're a mess!
Image created by AI / public domain
Aliens Pick Up Unusual Activity On Earth
-If there is intelligent life in space, we can't expect them to want to come here. I seriously doubt they would see us as intelligent. Who in space would want to go to earth and risk having to deal with the Russian army?
-I hope there is hyper inteligent life out there who notice whats happening in Ukraine right now and isn't afraid of intervention.
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The Russian Empire Hacks Back
One might wonder, what Russia, with it's 0.02% of the worlds population got to gain from behaving like a hack. Not much, judging from history.
If there is one lesson to be learned from the Sovjet Union, it's don't do it again.
Don't be such a bitch. You lost. Empires is a thing of the past. Buy Lego instead and deal with your ego there. You have to grow up.
If there's any reconciliation, the winner wasn't all sunshine either, but still capable of being far worse than you.
Which is why you should shut the fuck up and stop deluding yourself with greatness before the international community once more take you down, this time maybe for good.
Whatever the cost.
Illustration Public Domain
It's a Tie-In
Buy 2, get 1 for the monthly pay of a sweat shop worker
Trade is up and stores want their share, in fact, some more than others.
-So what we did was hire a bouncer to check if the customers really needed to use the toilet, turns out most of them didn't when faced with a 400 pound gorilla.
-We finally got our sales boom when I gave up and tried to convince them to not wear them. "Keep it in your pocket, blow your nose with it", "show your boss you can affort to use it as a paper tissue".
-It's all about understanding the younger generation, they don't take people up the system like me serious. To make the shop floor common ground, I don't take them serious either.
Photo F. Muhammad
Forgot to Frame Empire State Building When Doing Massive Stunt
-What am I gonna do?! I can't share this?! Nobody will believe I did it, says Sporty Joe.
-Not even my friends who where there. We hardly talk to each other in real life anymore, even though we stand right next to each other. I bet they didn`t notice. They where all probably too bussy on their phones doing their own poses.
In a rare moment of self-insight, Sporty Joe looks at his camera and press record: -Maybe I wasn't the only jumper?
Photo Thomas R. Koll
Democracies Are Vaccinated Every 2nd Year, It's Called Election
Your vote is the vaccine!
That prevents diseases to do too much harm before they are beaten out of the system. We could inject a shoot at any time, but as long as the system is robust to handle whatever it may face, and comfortable to live with it untill the next vaccine, there is no hurry.
It's a safety system, if you will, who prevents billions of people to be lead by one person with an equally huge ego.
That's why Jingping and Putin first and foremost export their vaccines, they don't want the people at home to get any crazy ideas.
Photo Angelo Esslinger
5 Reasons To Buy A Car
1) Keeps poverty at a distance
2) Sleep longer in the morning. A car takes you much faster to work than public transport.
3) Be an a-hole for a change, screw the environment.
4) You get crazy engine power! Either you like it or not, the car goes much faster than the speed limit, EVERYWHERE!
5) You can be the same idiot you've always been, only faster! Imagine the damage you can cause!
Let's face it, it's a selfish vehichle...
Photo Ryan McGuire
Poverty In The Rear Mirror Appear Closer Than It Is
Thank God for that!
You would think a man who share his first name with the worlds most famous orphan, Oliver Twist, had a bigger heart: "Nope, I'm not having any of that shit".
"They can go to hell. As a matter of fact, they don't have to, they can starve to death right here, in these very neighbourhoods. Many do. It's much better than getting stuck in a car tyre".
"I don't carry a spare tyre anymore. It makes no sense, I replaced it with a semi-automatic rifle a long time ago. Besides, I need the space. How many bodies can you fit in a trunk? Never enough, certainly not on these streets. It's like death row".
Photo tokapic
Santa Joins NATO
Putin Fails To Stop Him
Nothing could stop the resident from the North Pole to become a member of the alliance. "I cross a lot of borders, I fly into a lot of no-go zone's, with drones all over the place, people need to know that if they go after me, NATO will retaliate before they get a chance to open their presents."
When asked about his view on Putin trying to block his membership, Santa says this is news to him, but he will take it into account when flying over Kremlin. "That said, Putin has already been a bad boy, so he's not getting any presents anyway", says Santa.
"Truth is, most Russians want to join NATO too, except Putin, but he's a dictator. There are 145 million brains in Russia, why listen to the one who ignore the others?".
"He's not going to give you a present?!"
"Merry Xmas Russia!!!"
Photo ClaudiaWollesen
Afghanistan: The Monkeys Are Back
Nowhere to learn
How the international community will respond to a nation run by monkeys is in the blue, but a suggestion from Zookeepers United to define Afghanistan as not earth, gains support globally.
Every country has emmbassies, a turf inside their own territory where foreign nations rule, lets strech that thought and introduce planet embassies with aliens.
That way we are not acountable for their actions and legaly free to nuke them if they in any shape or form become a treat to our way of living... on planet earth.
Western Democracies Envy China For Putting An End To Song Contests
If only we had the balls..
-I wouldn't stop at song contests. There's too many white people on tv. Too many rich and famous idiots. Too many talents shows, reality shows, too much crap. Hey, turn the whole thing black. Black lifes matter! says Many Williams in California, USA.
-But if those Chinese pricks come here and tell me what to do I'll kick those yellow brick stones back to Asia. No tiny Asian get to tell me what I can and can't do. Watch it, China. I'm keeping an eye on you. You think your're so powerful since your so many, but I'll tell you. I count 10 Chinese per 1 black dude.
-Me and my girls at the Zumba class can beat up a whole section of Beijing alone. So watch it, China. We're on to ya! It's okay your stopping those song contests, as long as you sing Mandarin shit, if I hear a Chinese girl don't get to sing Beyonce, oh my God, you're in trouble!
Photo microfile. org
Terrorist Looks Forward to Enjoy the World Cup in Qatar in a Peaceful Manner
Exchanges terror network with hooligans
-Normally I like to cause mayhem, but it's in Qatar, bloody hell. It's my neck of the wood! As in my choosen neighbourhood, not my acctual neighbourhood, cause I live in England. So attacks is out of the question, I'm getting tickets! Finally, football is coming home for me too, say Liam.
-Just beacuse I like to blow shit up, doesn't mean I can't keep it together for a few hours, as in getting drunk with thousands of other guys while screaming and yelling at the players. It's what I do anyway, I think I can do it without weapons too. I'm going rogue!
It's part of the guns for beer program, a rehabilitation clinic in London who treat returning terrorists and the occational local nutcase. -It's all about changing crazy behavior. Find something more legal. There should be clubs for former terrorists, like there is for the former working classes. Who's common these days?, asks doctor Strangebomb.
Photo Kris
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