Kenyan runners derived from giraffes

Monkey sport. It was the Bulgarian scientist Anton Apostolos 3 year old daughter who made the discovery. -I had tried for 7 years to find out why Kenyans run so fast. Then my daughter showed me a textbook from kindergarden "look", giraffe", "runner", while she had that look on her face "Are you fucking stupid?".

Photo EO Kenny

Edvard Munch wanted to call The Scream Oh My God

Munchkeyboy. He was censored cause Oh My God sounded too gay. Like it wasn`t for real. As in something "positive" was about to happen. Being the second poorest country in Europe in 1893, Norway wasn`t ready for that level of irony.

Photo Edvard Munch

Will Smith thrown out of France

French Prince. It was during the launch of Men in Black 3 in Cannes Will Smith where approached by Marine Le Pen`s men and told to go back to where he came from. On asked why the movie star was told "we don`t like your kind here". Smith, who is in pre-production on the movie French Kiss has agreed to rename it Frog Kiss.

Photo mtellin

Concentration immigrants faced with new challenges in France

Newly elected racehead

French-Jugend. They need more space, not less. There is hardly room in the work place, they are squeezed out of the property market, if this marginalization continue, soon the only place left will be concentration camps.

Marine Le Pen thinks it`s a good idea. -We don`t have to fry them. Just because Hitler liked fried chicken it doesn`t mean it was a bad idea. He was on to something. Let`s refine it. Get the essence. Why are they here? To work. Let them do that.

Photo staffpresi_esj

Viktor Yanukovych should be force fed with democracy

Yanucracy. In a meeting with Ukrainas president, the German foreign minister was seriously moments away from cramming democracy down the corrupt bastards throat. -If I wasn`t German I would have done it, it`s my heritage that makes it hard to use force in a good way.

 Photo PolandMFA

Merkel offers France to run the country

Ministry of Cool. -Maybe, maybe not. If I loose the election, sure, offcourse, il était juste.., says Sarkozy, but why stop there? Let`s get Hillary Clinton here. Her husband will love it, love it mm m. And 

Tulia Tmoshenko, what good is she in an Ukrainan prison. Let her come to France and flourish. 

-Everybody knows this, the finance crisis is not the problem in France. It`s the men. It`s a male crisis. Too many powerful men. Look to Germany, one woman in power was enough to avoid the male crisis.

-Thats why the French people should vote for me, cause I am a woman at heart. I`m shorter than most men, I always talk and talk and talk and I`m energetic like a teenage pussy.

Photo Chesi - Fotos CC

Protester surprised about his influential anger

Free Syrian Frustration. -I had no idea loosing my temper could have such an impact on politics, I always thought I had to articulate my opinions, says Adad. -I don`t know how, but they seem to understand every word I yell. As in put them together and create some kind of meaning. Man, if I knew this I would have gone into politics instead of cage fighting.

Photo FreedomHouse2

Reality on in the background is bad for internet surfing

Microsoft Doors. Surfing reality in front of reality is distracting. It messes with our concentration. We can`t live and focus on reality at the same time. Somebody must remove our lives so we can watch it.

Photo Chris Doelle

Dictators Anonymous

Free spirit. Once a week dictators meet to deal with their demons in a secret location east of Hidden. It`s called Dictators Anonymous and it`s about fucking time.

-I joined cause the people around me forces me. Not cause I cause I have a problem. I don`t have a problem! But everybody else seems to have a problem with me, says one participant. -I don`t belong here. These people are idiots. Their idiots! Do you hear me!!!

Not everyone has an easy time admitting to themselves they suffer from power. Nobody actually, very few indeed ever pass step one without their surroundings forcing them to.

They become a liability to the people and they don`t notice cause their high on power. Since it`s system abuse who makes them high they end up in a vicious spiral. Kinda like contraception. It`s going nowhere.

 Photo The Wandering Angel

Secret Service Agent: -It was worth it.

The Alfa walk

Secret Sex. -There hasn`t been much action in the White House since Clinton days... somebody got to take care of business, says SS Charlie Sheens.

-Berlusconi`s men or Putin`s for that matter, would be prosecuted for not shagging. We were in Columbia? Columbia!!!

Obama says he still trust his mens ability to perform at home. -If you didn`t know, could you tell the difference? I don`t think so. Their top dogs.

 Photo AN HONORABLE GERMAN

Has yet to meet someone who think their life sucks cause of facebook

-As if the media is any better than my newsfeed, laughs urban guy. 

iBible. -I don`t give a fuck if my friends post picture perfect shit on facebook. Hey, who gives a shit?

-Let me put it this way. Nobody ever says anything positive about what you do. Every time you hear from the authorities it`s always negative. So why let go of an opportunity to shine a little light in up your ass?

-Your gonna get so much shit from those in power to define you. So have a blast and enjoy it while you can. I just did 150 mph in a 50 zone. Yeehaa!

 Photo Justin and Elise

The truth about Titanic

-I`m the king of the world.

Think logic. The iceberg didn`t come out of nowhere. It appeared slowly in the distance, but the Captain didn`t see it cause he was busy. Which is weird cause he had the best view, but as pointed out, he was busy. And since he was the second to go down with the ship... Some stories are just better untold.

 Photo Andy Beez

Google Maps ready to launch War View in Syria

Google takes no responsibility when the destination is
bombed on arrival.

Street fighter. -We armored the car. Not that it matters... It`s a drone. Nobody`s driving it. But we`d like to have it back, says Google democracy.

With this app everyone can see where the fighting is happening. How many they are, what kind of weapons their using and so forth. It`s really more of a stay home map.

 Photo Paul Lowry

The Hungary Games

Capitol Kill. Set in the present the Parlament selects a law to fight to the death on parliamentary debate. Freedom of speech volunteered to take common sense`s place on the latest debate.

Photo Ercsaba74

Shopping: fastest growing sport world wide

BodyShopping. They run around like athlete`s. Particularly the women. In average they do at least 5-6 laps around the centre 3-4 days a week. If you spend that much time on the running tracks you`ll qualify for the Olympics.

You see it in their faces. Their whole persona change. Like a fighter entering the ring. The outside world doesn`t exist anymore. It`s all about the money.

 Photo tompagenet

North Korea is the worlds biggest FatCamp

Hunger beach

Country last. Blowing away the money on space oddity has it`s price. -Yeah, buy I`m not paying it, says Kim Jong-un. -My people are. Why else would I have people?

Photo knittymarie

Men cause most problems today

Women`s War. -Not only today, but tomorrow too I might add, says Rita Henley Jensen from Women`s eNews.

-Then the day after, the weekend, next week, month, year, century... for the love of God. Men has been around since the beginning of problems. What do you expect? They`ll go away tomorrow? Grow up will ya.

 Photo WeNews

Homeless man admit getting on the FBI list was a bad career move

Living the wrong top 10 list.

%@#*. -It was a real game changer. You know, like, hey buddy, your going downhill from here and it`s nothing you can do about it, says homie.

-There`s no end to it. I still catch myself by surprise. "Did I really sink that low". "Did I really eat dog shit".

-This is what its like, baby. This is what its like going after your dream like there`s no tomorrow.

Photo Nickolas Nikolic

Fame chasers caught stealing the limelight

Trying to capture the limelight once and for all by getting everyones attention.

Crimelight. The two former reality stars known as ex- reality stars before they got washed up and forgotten reclaimed the C celebrity status, as in criminal celebrity, when they stage dived the red carpet at the premiere of Who Sucks? at Hollywood Boulevard.

The two slutlike ladies, also known as "I`ll fuck anyone for fame", had been caught earlier carving their names on top of established stars at the famous Hollywood Walk of Fame.

-Their on an ego trip. We see this all the time. Has beens who try to reclaim former non exciting glory overnight. Their like career criminals on tour, except what they steel can`t be captured. It`s the only sought after possession that returns to its right place after being wrongfully taken away, says police officer Roger That.

 Photo TheeErin

Bond poster evidence in murder case

Poster gun. The fingerprints on the murder weapon, a newly fired Walter PPK, fits perfectly with the photographer accused of murdering his assistant.

The photographer says in his defence that he went for authenticity and should be covered by MI5s licence to kill insurance. -When I work on a 007 movie, I expect certain artistic liberties, says the photographer who can`t understand why he is accused of murdering such a knucklehead.

-I`ve always believed that to qualify as human certain minimum criterial must be fulfilled. This was not the case for whatever his name was. I would go as far as agreeing he was an animal, but seriously, he was an amoeba.

The court has decided to imprison the defendant in a maximum fantasy prison until the court is adjourned.

 Photo Marcos Kontze

The President of Syria killed 16 people in an interview with Tragic Times

Fighting Fast. When asked what he meant with being pure evil, Bashar al-Assad had difficulties explaining on an intelectual level and insisted on showing instead. After slaughtering 16 staff members the journalist got it.

To avoid confusion Bashar al-Assad took a machine gun and fired out the window. Afraid to get killed herself the journalist quickly edited out the responses "What are you doing?" and "What is wrong with you?" and said "I completely understand what you mean".

Having some experience with psychopaths, she continued -God, your so strong! And Bashar al-Assad stopped firing. -You`r so powerful gun powder is like vitamins for you. -Yeah! It is! -A powerful man like you must need a lot of energy. -Yes, I do. And then he shot himself.

Photo Agência Brasil

Company sponsor nursery to get them while their young

Baby branding. -We want them to grow up thinking our product is part of nature. That buying our products is as common as breathing, says Satanja from Hell Corp. 

-Thats why we target babies. Instead of brain washing them later, we add a little detergent now and let them do the cleaning.

According to the Wrong Information Act, companies like, The Devil wears Prada, can sue kids who grow up non loyal to their designated products. -Off course, we want our money back. Hey, surgical adds are expensive, we`re talking a 25 year individually designed campaign here.


Photo AdamCaudill

Cirque du Soleil Botswana is an economic disaster

The Swedish flag in drag.

The roof is the limit. The people is Botswana are the first to be disappointed by a Cirque du Soleil show. At first you might think it`s because the show isn`t that far from how they live. That jumping around like acrobatic monkeys might not be so impressive to acrobatic monkeys. But no.

-Cirque du Soleil is French for circus under the sun. We got all the sun in the world and these arrogant French put up a roof, says Rachida.

-Do you think I went here to sit in a tent? I`ve lived my whole life in a tent. I was born in a tent, I went to school in a tent, I took my driving licence in a tent, I got married in a tent, I went on honeymoon in a tent, I work in a tent, I got on vacations in a tent. I`ve seen enough tents!

Photo Dan Queiroz

James Bond smoking marijuana cut from Skyfall

Bong 23. The British Board of Film Classification said no way to a torture scene where the secret agent indulge in drug. -We are so used to Bond get into trouble, but there was no reason for him to take them. There was no one forcing him, he used his free will as in self torture. We asked the producers and they said they hope we`d never ask, says BBFC.

By then Martini was long out the door as sponsor and they needed a bigger sponsor to cover the drug expenses. Craig wasn`t the only one testing limits, the whole crew did. Att the end of the shoot they owed 43 million pounds.

In an interview with The Big Issue Daniel Craig says he has no recollection of making the movie, but he acknowledge it`s him up there on the screen. -When you make a movie named Skyfall, you shoot for the moon and miss on purpose.

Photo Marcos Kontze

Can she take down China too?

Aung San Suu Kyi sizing up China.

The Domino effect. -Yes, she can says Obama. -The male elite in China needs an elderly woman just as much as the White House in America needed a black man.

Photo Utenriksdept

The President of Burma is looking for a new apartment

This is one of the camoflash apartments they consider. It looks like a
house with three floors, but it`s actually just one.

Cage Burma. The search for a place that can satisfy the expected to be former president by 2015 has started. His apartment staff of 400 look for a place that resembles both victory in loss and his 800 meter high ego. -We want to give the impression that he sacrificed himself for Aung San Suu Kyi so he might want to bowe a little when walking inn the door, says his staff servant number 214.

-We think its the only way he can avoid being murdered after the next election. The loss is expected to be massive and he doesn`t have the balls to stand up for himself with guns. He`s a pussy like the other dictators. So we need to smooth things out apartment wise. A huge ostentatious Condo in Miami is not good for his security. Neither is a Mansion in the Hollywood Hills or any other hot shot place on earth. We need a simple plain Ikea apartment with running water and a broken fridge. We think thats his best chance for survival. Live low and avoid trial. At least for the first few years. Then... Vegas.

-If he gets caught gambling, we`ll issue the statement "Aung San Suu Kyi" is the best thing that ever happened to Burma. I was forced to run the country from 2011-2015 and I know what a shitty state it was inn. Unfortunately I didn`t have the skills Aung San Suu Kyi has. I`m honord she followed me in office and cleaned up my mess. She will always be a maid in my hearth. PS! The losses from the casinos will be given to Human Right Activists.

Photo Loz Flowers

More money in crowbars and screwdrivers

The Big Sleep. -It`s only tourists and immigrants who buy it now, says The Big Issue salesman Johnny Dope. Sales is so low it makes we want to shoot up and steeling again.

-Well, as a full time job. now I only do it part time, cause I stand here half the day. But my time is valuable aswell. Time is money, or as we like to say, crime is money.

 Photo garryknight

MIT is developing drone politician

The Republicator prototype, -He will wear a car
salesman suit come election time, off course. We
will not allow his balls to hang out like that.
We are not doing Mitt Romney, says MIT sellout
 Casher Inn.

Rape contest. The Republican Party is giving up their human animation program and throw their money at creating a president candidate from scratch instead. -Using humans as clay doesn`t work so well in our tv world. It did for a while, but as the cameras got better it is more obvious now that it`s all fake. Thats why we`re closing down our operation with Pixar.

The MIT drone program will have a candidate ready for the 2016 election. Our alcoholic team of delusional dimwits is working on his likable bio and its good. -We have to admit it has to be a man. We tried to make a woman, but it ended up being an 18 year old fuckdoll every time, say Republican Egoist and slimy lobbyist Roger Ashole.

-Nor will it be black. The Republicans can`t deal with another one. Pure racist hatred will probably decide the 2016 outcome. Especially for the conservatives. There are limits to how long we can keep it in.

Photo deeje

Vladimir Putin signs 12 year contract as leading man in the Russian news

"One small step for mankind, one
giant leap for me" -Vladimir Putin.

The Putins. The contract does not include foreign stardom. The Putin news show will however be exported to international markets, but it is not anticipated to be a global hit.

-There`s too many news show now. Too many views to hit a home run like the cold days. He has to get better writer on his show to keep up with the competition. Viewers has grown tired of signing treaties and sitting in chairs talking to other leaders, says media analytic Soon Tobe Killed.

The shows producer Natasha Gazrubles, says they`ve come up with some amazing story twists to keep the interest up. -In season 2014 he goes to the moon to save a missing astronaut and in 2020 we reveal his unknown brother.

News critics John Weird from the New York Circus still says it`s not enough. -They need a good rape. A barfight. Something to get the rumors going. If he punched another state leader in the face, live on tv, that would do it for me.

  Photo AZRainman