Godzilla and King Kong Deny Any Involvment in the Israel Palestine Conflict

Appalled by truce


-Well, generaly speaking, there are more to this world than the religions clashing in the Middle East, like us, say King Kong. Why did Hamas attack when we where about to launch our new fight movie! They tried to steel our audience right in front of our noses.

Godzilla says he generally disagree with Kong on everything but feel that they are both on the same page on this matter, but he doesn't want to comment any further cause King is an idiot. -It doesn't look good when I agree with King. I got to think about my reputation. 

-Kong says Goszilla is a pussy and doesn't expect any more from "that whimp" and before our WMA reporter had a chance to escape, they where at it again and ruined the skyscraper where the interview was held.

Photo Jim Cooper

No Longer Endangered Thanks to Big Love Dating App

High Five!

-Zookeepers are lost for words, but I'm not, says dog owner and tech guru/cell phone owner Kapicha Moel in California.Who knew elephants could hook up online? They only needed bigger touch screens. And better warranty.

-I got the idea when I was watching Animal Planet at a friends house. Or, he was more like a friend of a friend who wasn't really a friend, I just needed to score som opioids and couldn't pay and this idea to make a trunk full of cash came as I saw Animal Planet go to commercial and show cell phone ads.

-Then there's a two month gap I can't make an account for, so in theory I could have robbed a bank, cause there's cash all over the place, but I choose to think I scored jackpot with my brilliant idea. I got a friend who runs a conspiracy site and she helped me get the word out there so I don't have to explain myself. 

Photo Oliver D

North Korea in Talks To Solve Israel-Palestine Conflict

Suggest nuclear solution


The administration in North Korea is discussing how to end the conflict between Israel and Palestine who just fired up again in Jerusalem. -Our approach is with an emphasis on ending it, not solving it. Thats a waste of time.

No other countries where present when North Korea presented their roadmap to war, as they call it. -The obvious problem is that nobody is winning. It's a war, for God's sake. Somebody has to win! says the spokesperson who not at all thinks it weird they propose a solution. -Everybody does, even hairdressers!

-We are happy with either side winning, if the international community can't make up their mind, we'll flip a coin, but we woun't announce the winner in case we miss the target. So basically it's a 50/50 chance untill the nukes hit the ground exploding, if they explode. You never know... 

-Look, we're prepared to take a chance and do the international communities' dirty work, if we in return get some slack.


TRUMP DRUNK IN STRIPBAR OUTSIDE WASHINGTON

WTF???!!!

 
In the early hours of Tuesday a local barmaid got tired of Trumps abusive behavior and called the cops. -It happened about the same time he ran out of money, says Jack the bar owner. He got her to strip for him. He got all the women to strip for him. Afrer a few hours a few men too, he was so drunk he couldn't tell.

-The madness started last Thursday, a rather old car pulled up and out stepped this pompus ass, and fu*$ me it was the former President! He was already drunk, he wobbled in and smashed a table and asked for directions, then he fell asleep.

-He asked how to get back in time and the best answer I could give him was beer. When he woke up, he really took it to heart. I didn't think he was listening, snoring and all, but as soon as he woke up, I mean fell down his chair, he took to my advice and went for it. 
  

Photo Andi Koslowski

Scientific Breakthrough: Humans Evolved from THIS Monkey

Sick!!!!! 


Bernie the monkey has no clue of the recent revelation done by Japanese scientists at Tokyo Zoo. -He is the father of civilized humans and here we are captivating him.., ups, delete that last remark please, says the media relations contact who recently was promoted monkey manager.  

-I know it's hard to believe, but if you look at what humanity has done since Bernie was born and compare it with what went one before it's pretty obvious. It's like you can't tell the difference between mokeys an humans before he showed up. 

-I think we should all take Berine to heart and follow his footsteps to a better future. He leads through example: he doesn't throw plastic in the ocean, he doesn't pollute the atmosphere with petrol engines, he doesn't wear a gun, he's the perfect human. 


Get Away Car Driver Never Use Home Delivery

 It's about honor


-I never use the Post Office and certainly not email, sms, phone calls.. you know, anything that leaves a trail. If you want to catch me, you got to find me, says Dick Johnson, or Ridiculous Johnson on the streets. 

The downside is that potential employees can't find him either, so he's kinda stuck in this limbo of looking for work, but not being able to leave contact details. -Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous, but if I'm
going to rob a bank successfully, I can't give my whereabouts away. 

Dick can't remember last time he did a "job" cause he's never acctually done one. -It's a tough business to get into, not to say work your way up in. Financially I got to rob a bank to be able to stay in the game. 

The thought of going solo has crossed his mind over the years, that and taking the driving license and fixing up the car and get some new tires. -But then I got to rob a bank, so I'm waiting to see what happens. Like a stake out. Which is not that different from the real thing. 


Broke Covid Rule: Accused of Mass Murder

 Killing Grandma!


Bombay, India. A total of 500 young adults in the Indian megacity went nuts in an underground party at a skyscraper downtown. The Police recieved concerned calls from the public in what they though was a local earth quake. 

-The building was shaking. So we evacuated the area and wow, did we get a surprise went our task force entered the building. We had to do something drastic to change the game, says Mumbai City Police media relations officer Kiran Parashar. 

-We have lots of money, we are contected, why should we not do this? says Sonia Mehra, member of the ultra rich elite who practically own Mumbai. Well.., that was the thinking before hell broke loose. Now it's all about making sure this never comes to trial. 


Photo Bashkar
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