-I Took This Job To Find A Guy With The Right Size

Shoemania. -I got a hard on right now. We all do. You don`t do this line of work unless you got a thing for shoes.

-We all look for the right one, except us who look for the right pair. When we find that we can finally be at one with ourselves. It takes two to tango, not four. But it takes two pairs to be a couple. And to really get some action out of a foursome you got to invite another couple...

-I make up these weird reason for people to invite me into their bedroom. I find the gay approach more successful.

Photo epSos.de

WikiLeaks Refuse To Show The Pope Papers

-So so my little children. I`ve taken
 care of business.
All seeing butler. -There are limits to even what we put out there. We have leaked some really nasty shit, but we don`t do that kind of porn, says Julian Assange.

-There`s to many "Dear Boy" and "If you don`t do as God tells you, you will go to hell". Basically anything in between is out of the question.

Photo Sergey Gabdurakhmanov

Scientist Spent $50 Million To Find Out What It`s Like To Spend $50 Million

-I tell everybody it`s fucking awesome. 
Simon says. -I asked to board of Friendly Science for a grant to find it out and they gave it to me. No questions asked. As long as it didn`t challenge economic que I could asked for anything, says the highly paid and acclaimed scientist Albert Hope.

-Next time I will try to find out what it takes to spend 100 million $. I think it takes 200 million $ so I will ask for 300 in case I need 400. Then I only need to ask for another 100. And after that I will research what it`s like to do whatever.

-I could go for "at all cost". But figuring out that might even exceed my limitations. We all have a price, atleast I do. Anything above that is too much for me. Which means I will get problems above my pay grade. Unless I did it for free, but that wouldn`t solve any problem would it.

 Photo Idaho National Laboratory

Stoner Confused When Pig In A Poke Turned Out To Be His Best Friend

-I`m going to take this back to the store before he
understand that I understand what`s going on, dude.
Judgement day. -I went out to buy a pig in a poke! I know my friend is a pig, but in a poke? I had no idea it was him everyone talked about. I thought I would know about it if he was famous. Why did he hide his celebrity asks P.

-It still baffles me. There where nothing with him who indicated stardom. As far as I know, he had no skills, thats was what we had in common. It was what brought us together. It was the glue to our relationship. And he turns out to be the fucking pigmaster.

-They say friends come and go, but pigs fucks you in the ass. I guess they where right.

-I always looked at him as a monkey, not a pig. How could I know he was a monkeypig. I should have never judged him by his looks, smell, or any other fluids coming out of his body while he farted.

 Photo âœâ˜„ KAIRUUINZURO ✁☄

Proud New Car Owner: -I Could Have Bought A Shit Car Instead

Mystery car. -I blew 2.000.000$ on a Mercedes Niqab and I can`t brag about it. I could aswell put a cow underneath that cloth, says Baba.

-It`s different than with women. I care about the car. I want everyone to know I drive her. I want them to know she is mine. That she`s with me.

-The whole cover up thing works well with women. I got 15 wives, 2 dozen girlfriends, 700 hundred lovers around the country and a few thousand abroad plus a monkey - and nobody know cause I only fuck one at the time.

I have no interest in driving the same car all the time! Somebody unleash me of this religion!!!

Photo Paul Keller

Hitler Turned In His Grave When He Heard Israel`s Prime Minister Talk About Bombing Iran

-Sometimes, when your making a huge turnover,
you got to get dressed.
Until life do us part. -What? The Jews attack us? The Jews using the bomb on us? The poor uneducated muslims? Those neanderthal monkeys? The three bashers? The clothes hangers? The human looking non humans? Why?

-Am I still buried on the same planet? Did somebody move my bunker to the moon? I heard they made a good movie about it. Hehe. If only...

Apparently the Führer has turned around quite a few times in his grave over the years. At the end of the cold war, any war really and when Apple launched iPhone 5.

-What? Are they getting this with an A6 chip now? Where is this ending? Are they trying to build the Third Reich here? I tried that. It failed. Try something else and don`t get nearly everything right. It makes me look so awful.

-I could have invented Apple. If I only had Steve Jobs. Damn you Steve. You came to late. I could have been really popular. With that legacy everything is forgotten. It`s too much cool stuff in there to be rejected. 

Photo Recuerdos de Pandora

Instead Of Showing Off Their New Economic Power With A Space Program, Brasil Launch Earth Program

-We are the new Las Vegas, but for real.
There is no fake shit here.
Clitoriosity. -Before heading into space I suggested we should take a closer look at earth first and see if we are done here. It`s basic knowledge you finnish one thing before you start another project and we quickly realised there is so much here that need our attention way more then a spacecastle, laughs Brasil`s President Dilma Rousseff aka Cleopatra.

-People have forgotten to have fun. All this focus on crisises, either political, financial or natural. I say, deal with it. It`s part of life. If you can`t handle it, then don`t. If you do, like us, come on over. Life is not pre designed to go smoothly. Thats why we have arms and legs. Their there to move around in a rocky environment. See what happens to people who have everything they need. They grow bored. So I say, lets party.

-Come to Brasil, here you can smoke, drink, dance, spend cash, on everything you like, until the sun goes down and the sun never goes down in Brasil. Feel good about wasting some time under the sun. Forget your kids. Spend your money on yourself.

-Quit your job. Get a divorce. Sell your house. Sign up your kids as organ donors and come to Brasil. Bring your friends, your rich friends. Leave your poor at home and forget about them. Forget about the future when you have spent all your money on bullshit. Forget that and live in the now. You know why? Cause it`s worth it.

-Your leaving this planet once just like the astronauts, but your not coming back. So instead of supporting NASA, join Brazil`s Earth Exploration Programme BEEP and discover what life is like on this planet.

Photo Agência Brasil