Aliens Threatens To Sanction Earth If We Don’t Reduce CO2 Emissions

Space pollution. NASA received a warning from outer space saying that steps are taken to force us to introduce universal rights on earth. 

The sunlight will be blocked until we accept the star map to enlightenment and aliens will invade if we don’t change the course of our planet.

Bugger...

Photo Wikipedia

Santa -I Haven’t Seen So Many Jewish Kids Cry Since Holocaust

Crybabies. -Couples don’t think mixed relationships thoroughly through. If one of the kids is jewish he’s not getting any. Parents have to respect this. 

-Santa is for kids with white upbringing. If we get slippery on this I have to give presents to the muslims too. Have you got any idea many they are? I have 24 hours to get the job done. I got to draw the line somewhere. Lance Armstrong is helping me with France this year. He’s proven himself before so I know he’s up for it.

-I can’t have people who follow the rules. I need someone who can get the job done. No questions asked. Do I care if he use drugs? No. Do I care if he finish one time? Yes.

Photo Wall Papers Craft

Taiwan Capitalize On The Hobbit With Unauthorized Sequel

Fake sequel. -If we can fool 5% of the audience to believe The Rabbit is the real sequel, it's still a lot of money with a huge box office success like The Hobbit, says the film producer.

-There's a lot of retarded people out there who'll fall for it. Same with partially sighted guys who wont admit their nearly blind. That's out target audience. Stupid people between 13-35.

Photo  Alyssa L. Miller

Ron Burgundy Stirred Up Quite a Mess At News Actors Guilt Of America

The Madness Continues. By many vote the best worst speech ever, Ron Burgundy certainly delivered the goods at the annual NAGA. Here it is, word by word. Take it away Ron: 

-We all had that moment when a fan stop you on the sidewalk or a fancy restaurant and says "Hey, I’ve seen you". Yeah, I’m a news anchor. 

-"Your that donkey guy". -No I think you mistake me for someone else. "No, your the Donkey guy, oh my god, you f#@* a donkey!". No I didn’t, you’re defenitly mistaking me for someone else. I’m not an animal porn actor.

-"Yes you are, you’re that guy who sneaks up on the donkey and says: Your’re my donkey now, donkey! Then you f#@* the shit out of it. Oh my God".

-Oh, you mean Dolly. I misunderstood. I call her Dolly. I’m a donkey activist. I support their right to free squeeling. I’m the spokesperson of Donkeys of America, but nobody is interested in hearing about it so to raise awereness I did a donkey porno to raise money to liberate donkeys, except the one in the movie. She didn’t want to do it, so we had to put her down. Otherwise this would get weird. 

-People think their just donkeys, but they’re not, their donkeys. 

Photo Devian Art

Robben Island's Teddy Bear Name Not Cool Among Ex-Prisoners

Shame name. -It sounds like a tourist attraction, says guide and former ex-con Tyler Ike. The name doesn’t hold water. Which is why it was surrounded by it.

-They needed to water it out. They chose the ocean since it would take all the fresh water in South Africa to hold the lie floating.

-Thanks to Mandela I still spend time here cause it's the only job I can get!

Photo timparkinson

USA Film Rating Merger With The Chinese

The Rating Games. You can now officially be executed on site for putting out anything that offence anyone at the board or any other board, be a table or smörgåsbord. 

-We feel like fighting violence in films with violence makes filmmakers think twice about what they put out there. Obviously there will be more porn, says an old dog at the board. 

-We have a whole new group of young people working here now. Their testing the waters of power you know, getting to know their limits. They also have to figure out where to draw the line. 

-By that I mean we outsourced to China years ago and got away with it. Hollywood has put up with all this shit not knowing their actually dealing with Chinese authorities. 

-It’s the lacking learning curve who made them introduce the death rating system. It’s time to call the bluff, but the money is too good. All we concentrate on is keeping the system, as long as possible.

Image MPAA / The Film Rating

Morgan Freeman Will Miss Being Mistaken For Nelson Mandela

Goddigger. -It's been a privileged to be mistaken for greatness, but back in the day, when he was a and I quote "terrorist" it wasn't all that fun.

-It held me back professionally. For 27 years I didn't get roles cause I looked too much like the ANC leader Ronald Reagan put on the terrorist list. I finally broke loose from the spell when the idea of a black God hit Hollywood and I've never looked back since. So yes indeed, I take the credit for the Nobel Peace Price. I deserved it.

Photo Alan Light