Customers Agree: Killer Pizza From Mars Is Out Of This World

Slow food. -There`s no way these douchebags could make anything remotely this good. It`s definitely from outer space, says a regular customer.

-I think it`s their honesty that appeal to me, cause its definitely not the hygiene.

-It sounds like the meat is in-house. They either slaughter their own staff or I don`t know, maybe illegal aliens, but their definitely killing something.

-It`s hard to tell the accent in those primal screams you hear from the kitchen. Is it pig or Chinese? Or maybe their playing poker. What do I know?

-But I don`t except a restaurant ran by aliens to know local work ethics from day one. They probably need a few hundred years adjusting to our planet.

Photo Chris Radcliff

Murderer Asked Burglar To Come Back Later

Teen spirit. Having served 15 years in juvenile for manslaughter William Nightmare was keen to have a few days as an ordinary civilian before getting what would most likely be death sentence at this point in his career.

-Convincing the judge that 1400 bullets from an assault weapon was necessary to stop a thief from stealing my bike is a hard sell with my strack record, says William who goes by the name Bullet among his enemies. -I don`t have any friends so... there`s no among friends with me. It`s among enemies with guys like me. We`re a dying breed.

But it would be an easy sell for a total stranger. -Life is unfair, but not compare to death. I`d say their about even. Some come and some go.

-It`s been three days now so I hope he`s coming back soon. I made a promise to myself. This time I `ll take one for the gang. Eliminate one son of a @#% nobody wil miss. One for you, one for me. It`s the least I can do. In fact, it`s the only thing I can do. Bye bye.

Photo Richard 'Tenspeed' Heaven

That Brown Paper Background Really Works For C-SPAN

C-SPAM. Why have a nice background when transmitting the White House Correspondents' Dinner? Cause the President is there? Or Conan O`Brian? Come on!

It`s fine as long as it covers the booze. There`s a bar behind the brown paper bag curtain and the President can`t drink on public tv, but he can when they turn it off.

Every Skyscraper Will Collapse Eventually

Boom ticky boom boom. The trick is to move out before it falls. In most cases you get a warning from the demolition company, but sometimes, the building fall on it`s own.

-When the average income of residents in below $2 I would move out. Anything below that is risky, says Rupa from Bangladesh.

-Zero income buildings can last for decades, but thats because the owner makes money on loosing money. It`s an old tax deduction trick when you own lots of high-rises.

But it`s a death trap and you can see that. Thats why nobody enters them. They look like horror houses. But the $2 income buildings are hard to tell.

-I never walk into a high rise in poor areas without parachute. And I don`t date $2 guys. I could speak to them from a distance, if they lived in houses, but they never do.

-From a security aspect I could skype $0 land guys, but then there is street infections, urgh... so no. I`d go out with a guy in a car. Even if it`s street level, the speed separates us from the trash. And helicopter... ahh...

Photo hanspoldoja

The French Still Think French Is The Biggest Language In The World

Marde. "What? they don`t speak it in Brasil?" is a common response when the French travel abroad.

Few nations still insist the world should throw away English as the international language and use their native tongue instead, but only the French still insists that theirs is numer one.

It takes a certain arrogance to have a world view like that. A French arrogance. The Germans could never pull that off. In fact, they`ve adapted English. Who would have thought that? Certainly not Hitler.

But what is worrying is not their lack of self-understanding, it`s the combination of too much self-esteem and nuclear technology. One day these snobs might bomb anything non French.

-The idea of nukes in France is alarming. We much prefer them to focus on bikes and champagne. The French must be forced into using nuke tech only for civilian purposes. They can use their nuclear power to produce cheese, wine and all sort of culinary goods as long as they eat it themselves, says Swedish nuclear weapon inspectors.

United Nations Security Council much agree that France pose a tremendous threat to our civilisation and something must be done before they get to drunk to deal with.

Photo rukmaldk

Metropolitan Museum Of Art To Hold Google Logo Exhibition

Art engine. The curators fear that the target audience will watch them on smartphones instead.

Worst case scenario is if they use them to get the directions and in pure curiosity continue to watch the exhibition on their way.

And by the time they get here they've already seen it.

-But that doesn`t worry us. Neither does copyright laws. We haven`t even asked Google for permission. They never ask. This time, they can sue us.

-Did I tell you we`re gonna piss all over the logos? It`s a piss slash logo exhibition. Later we`re gonna burn it all in a Hell Mary contest. After that we`ll open a pig farm and sell hot dogs. People love pigs  when you say it`s dogs.

Photo Wikipedia

Google Can`t Answer How To Disarm Kim

End of the trail. In a moment of truth, google had to admit they don`t have a clue how to address the problem and Obama is disappointed over the search engine ability to find solutions.

-It`s overrated. You would expect them to have an answer by now. How long does it take?

-It turns out. They don`t know everything. To prove my point. Lets ask... "What is the White House nuclear launch codes?". -Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah. See?!

-Okay..."What shoes am I wearing?" -Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!

-"Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" -HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

-"Who killed bin Laden?" -HAAAH HAAAH HAAAAAAH!

-Try the I`m Feeling Lucky button. -HA HA HA HAAAAAH HAAAAAAAAH HAAAAAAAH!!!

Photo U.S. Embassy Jakarta, Indonesia