Gas Sent Diver Off Course

Tony Fart. -I`m glad he wasn`t playing basketball or anything like that, but he knows he can`t stay long offshore incase of a blast. Thats why we live in a boat, says his long time girlfriend.

-If it wasn`t for my desire to sail we could not be a couple. The ocean keeps us together. It has saved his life and others with the the same condition so many times, it makes up for all it takes.

-Some men snore, others fart. It`s nothing to be ashamed off. I`ve been with a lot of weirdos, but nothing beats having your guy catapult away when you climax.

Photo Frontierofficial

Hamas Fire Back At Israel To Their Big Surprise

Ping pong. They all hit they ground, but one actually hit something, says Hamas next leader to be killed. -I keep my identity secret for he time being. I want to do as much damage before Israel find me.

-We think firing back like amateur idiots will give us much needed sympathy in the world press. Thats what we`re really aiming at.

-If we hit too well, we loose the world. We need to loose, but attack big enough to get Israel to loose control. Thats what we do around here. Coffee?

Photo Erik Charlton

Israel Kill Military Chief of Hamas And Hope He Will Not Be Replaced

Too much history. -We have absolutely no data confirming our hope theory, in fact all knowledge points towards the contrary, but we have a lot of guns and amo... says Israels Attackminister.

-Look, I have an impossible job explaining this. There`s no way anybody would give their thumbs up in advance. No country on earth except arms dealers would support this. Thats why we went ahead and demand  forgiveness later.

-I personally think it would be more effective to fill our bombs with bananas. How can they respond to that with another airstrike? But I`m the attackminister and imagine how people would not re-elect me if I suggest to bomb the Gaza Strip with appels and oranges. It would be tragic to my career. I would bring shame on my family, my party, my neighbours and my wife would take the kids and leave me yelling "I didn`t marry a vegetarian!".

-I ask myself many times... If we turned the Gaza Strip into a huge strip club, would the men fight then?  Maybe we`re asking the wrong question. Maybe life is not about who was here first, but who is here now. If you get fundamental questions like that wrong early on... no wonder we fight.

Photo rafahkid

Area Muslim Doesn`t Want To Change The World

Man of the hour. -I feel like leaving it alone for a while. It has changed too many times lately. For instance, this morning I was selling coconuts, now after midday, I can`t sell it cause they can be mistaken for homemade bombs.

-Before everything was much easier. I never did anything I wanted to. It was all laid out for me. Now I`m getting all these choices. I can choose this and that...

-Choosing to do sinful things was never optional before. I never had the opportunity to be personal bad. It always had to be institutional. Now it doesn`t and it`s tempting. I know the consequences of not getting caught. That is new to me. Totally new. Whereas being good isn`t.

 -What can I say. I like to explore new things...

Photo U.S Embassy Kabul Afghanistan

When The CIA Boss Can`t Keep The Affairs With His Mistresses Secret, The Whole Organisation Is In Deep Trouble

Bond bad. -You know I had to let you go. But before you leave, between you and me, how was she? said Obama to his former top CIA dog.

-She was worth it. Definitely. The war on terror is coming to an end and I try to get as much peace of ass that I possibly can while CIA is still hot among the chicks.

-I`m married to Michelle, so I don`t have to think like that. Besides there`s something called long time relationship, but you wouldn't know anything about that would you?

-I guess thats too much to ask for a CIA operative in times like this.

Photo The U.S. Army

Taking Down Armstrong Is Strauss Kahn`s Work

Judge Dreadful. He couldn`t go after the President, not even if Romney won. So he fried a smaller fish, says sources in the French government. Discussions about who they could fry went on for months before Kahn`s wife left him. Then it was that son of a bitch who won Tour de France way to many times.

WMA was surprised about Kahn`s willingness to discuss the accusations. He more than answered, he hit on our reporter and tried to drag her into a rom and rape her, but enough about that.

-We all knew that yankee was drugged. They all where, but it was god for our economy. They gave us much needed attention and money. So we let those rats work for us, says Kahn.

-As a thank you for arresting me for having sex with a prostitute in New York, we reveal one of the American countrymen`s bad action here. Unfortunately we can`t take anyone for having sex here. Thats why people come to France. It`s what we do. But some prefer to cycle. To us, that is a crime.

Photo World Trade Organization

That Fucker Really Got It Good Ey!

El Salvador! -What a dick, says Gunter, who studies electrical science at the Www dot University somewhere in dreamland. He`s in his 12th year and has never felt better.

-It`s moments like this, when I see my roommate shit his pants that makes it all worth it. 100 dollars to see him eat 25 hotdogs. Fuck that was disgusting.

-He should have swallowed his proud and puked it right up, but he was to self aware. Like it`s sexy to eat freaking 25 hotdogs?!

-I`ve never seen a hotdog come out of a mans ass. Next time I`m gonna get him to eat his credit card and when it`s time to pay the dinner he can pull down his pant...

Photo oati