President Trump Is Broke

The President is wearing a fake Rolex. The real one is in a pawnbroker in Harlem. Trump promises nobody will notice. He has bought second hand suits and ties that look similar to his trademark look White House Trash.

Trump admits he never had any money. It was all a lie. And he didn't reveal is taxes because he was so ashamed of being poor. "I did't pay tax cause there was nothing to tax".


Photo IoSonoUnaFotoCamera

Shocking Amount Of Fake Gold In Trump Towers

Thieves where stunned by how little their stolen goods from the Trump Tower was worth, when they tried to sell it on the black market. Similar rumours from other Trump Towers has circulated for a while, and today it became official.

A group of inmates serving long sentences for breaking in and stealing luxury goods who turned out worthless has issued a criminal warning. "Don't steal from Trump Towers, it's worthless".

Analytics don't think this will affect the market value of the brand name at all. Since the tenants bought the lie the first time around, their likely to buy it again and again and again. There's no signs of tenants wanting to move so, there you go...


Photo Jude Joshua

Breaking News: Earth Crashed In Space

At 06.00 hours this morning, GMT Standard Time, earth crashed with a planet who was, up to this point, invisible to the human eye. How long it has been in earth's flyzone is among many questions NASA is working on.

-This is one of those rare occasions when the questions are more difficult than the answers. We have to re-write history, or re-imagine it. How do we explain the dinosaurs disappearing now? It sure is tempting to, just for once, pretend it never happened, says NASA's spokeswoman Cortez Alienz.


Photo Free-Photos

No School Pupils In Dictator States Strike For Climate Change

They care about the topic, but they are not willing to risk their life for it. -I'd much rather die of natural causes, says Anonymous "Johnson".

-If I join the movement it will shorten my life expectancy with 40 years. It's not worth it. If I die of global warming, I've hit the jackpot. There's so much else to die from when gangsters run the country.

-Our only comfort is that global warming kills them too. Revenge is ours!


Photo J.W.Vein

Changing Weight Distribution From 4 Million Leaving Venezuela Affects Earths Orbit

Since the emigration started in 2009, 280 million kilos of weight has been redistributed on earth and it has caused our planet to circle one millimetre to the left around the sun, according to Spanish NASA.

-We don't know if this is good or bad or indifferent, but we all know who to blame if a meteor hits us, says earthologist Pepe: The Jews!

Satellite Photo Google Maps

Lego To Build Mega Cities In North Korea - For Real

The Denish toy company is in chock after North Korea ordered 20 new mega cities around the country. -Off course it's humbling, but they must have got it wrong.

The spokesperson for the National City Planing Committee in North Korea says he is impressed by Lego who manage to sell buildings in boxes. -At first we had problems wrapping our heads around it, we have been isolated from the world for so long...

Too long, apparently.


Photo Efraimstochter

Ex-Con Just Knows He Got A Great Voice

-People might think I got a huge ego, but I'm just openly great. Some people are openly gay, I'm openly great, says Manuele who does dirty jobs for a biker gang when he's not on a stage.

-I've always had a great voice, but it really matured when I began smoking and drinking heavily. After a few years of that I hit the sealing and didn't know to improv when luck struck my way and I was thrown in jail.

-The experience of solitude added a thick layer of anger to my voice that really resonated with people. My first performance as an ex-con sold out. I got radio time, tv shows, bd boy this and bod boy that, all I had do do was fake some anger and the money flushed in.

-I don' feel bad about faking anger, people love to forgive a sinner and I'm making quite a good living doing it, but looking back, I should rather have faked being a bad boy, cause nobody fact checks it. I can have claimed whatever...

Photo The Eyes Of New York