Brazilian Tycoon On Going Bankrupt And Starting At McDonalds Again

-You don't get these at McDonalds.

Double cheese. -First of all, I have never worked at McDonalds and I never will. Guys like me don't, even when we fall. That's why we have Golden parachutes, says Eike Batista.

-Just enough to keep us off the ground until we land safely. I have fallen before and I can fall again. I have nothing to prove.

Photo 5x Favela, Agora Por Nós Mesmos

Morsi: -You Can't Handle The Change

John Kerry: -He sure can fart.

A Few Bad Men. Egypt's deposed president, Mohamed Morsi, has broken his silence since being removed from power. -I can't hold it anymore. I got to fart, pfffffft... ahh... that was great. One more: pft ah...

-I don't want a lawyer. It's rigged. I want a cookie jar.

-I will sit in the courtroom and take the lid of the cookie jar and eat and fart like I'm watching tv.

-I can gas a room. I'll make the judge run out of there.

Photo United States Government Work

Burt Reynolds Found In Syria

Dr. Livingstone, I presume. Living under the name of Nouri Al-Mismari, Burt Reynolds has found new peace working for the government in Syria.

-I was was lucky, it' a great gig. I get to put deliver long speeches everyday and nothing has to make sense. The audience here don't expect it. They expect me to abuse power.

-I've never had so much fun. I should have made more art films...

Photo Wikimedia commons

Public Transport Worker Enjoy Marathons

Sub democracy. -I like to see the masses move themselves while I sit on my fat ass and watch it on tv. Ahh... I love it. It makes it all worthwhile. Revenge is mine. Ha ha!

-First plant the idea of long distance transport in their head. Get them to buy a car and get used to it. Remove the vehicle, introduce the mass commuting trains and busses, let them have it for a while and then arrange a marathon.

-It's beautiful. And they have them all around the world like democracy came to the Middle East and worked. But the best part is, they have to pay for it and it costs more than a subway ticket!

 Photo lepoSs

Halloween Survivor Talks About The Aftermath

Post Halloween. -The came at our door. The memory will never go away, but we try to learn to live with it, says Jewlian Andrew.

-We fled to the Middle East next. There we're safe. It's one of the few places left where they have no tradition of Halloween other than every day is like Halloween.

-There's no school here so I play survivor with my sister every day. Sometimes our parents join us and takes us on trips to new exciting places. It's like Grand Theft Auto in 3D. It rocks!

Photo automationtx

Ted Wishes He Was An Actor In The 70s

Theme party. -If I knew this I would have signed up at the Police Academy instead of acting school. Watching those cop shows growing up it always looked like they had more fun than the real guys.

-The director always tell me "try to imagine", "try to imagine"... it's a lot easier if a truck is following me!

Photo Bob Bekian 

The Dalai Lama Supports Medical Marijuana: The Debate Is Over

Peace of drugs. -We have to figure out a way to get sick so we can get hold of some. Why can't anyone support party marijuana? says college student Trey Darker.

-I want to get high. I so want to explore the outer mind, but I can't get there with milk. I need the right fuel. Did anybody question NASA for using rocket fuel when entering space?

Photo Kris Krug