I Based My Life On Scooby-Doo

Doghattan. -I don't know how to explain it, Scooby was born in 1969, 34 years later than me, maybe it's my memory, but watching how Scooby went through life inspired me, says Woody Allen to Dog Magazine.

-Do whatever you want and don't be too smart about it. I wanted that. Thanks Hanna-Barbera, you gave me a great life.

Photo Luiz Fernando / Sonia Maria

Angela Merkel Sends ISAF Troops Into Pentagon

-Son of a bitch!

USNSA. 350 ISAF soldier stormed Pentagon this morning to shut down the NSA surveillance program.

The soldiers, whom many where Americans currently serving in Afghanistan, said it was weird to be back.

-I had other expectations in mind for my return. I thought I would meet my girlfriend at the airport. We didn't even use it. We came in through Mexico, says Average Army.

Photo tgoldkamp

If Hitler Had Gone Into Football He Could Have Done Something

My amazing face.

Duke of Manchester. -It's sad to read through history and see talents choose the wrong pitch. He clearly had something going for him, but politics... who cares? says Ferguson.

-Had he tried to take over the world in sports he could have managed 3-4 teams easily and won their respectful leagues. He could have gotten Europe that way.

-The World Cup was already established, all he really had to do was win it. He sure made it difficult for himself.

-When I read about those guys I realise they'd be great coaches. Napoleon could have taken France to new heights without having to slaughter half the continent.

-I wonder if the soldiers ever asked "Why can't we play football instead?", but I never ask myself what I would do if there was no football cause I know the f*#king answer.

Book cover Amazon

Apple Revolutionise Web Porn

Scratch that ass.

iGrose. -Let's face it. Most people use the web for porn. We can't ignore it any longer. We are the world largest pornprovider.

-It's in our logo. It's the apple from the garden of good and evil and somebody has already taken a bite from it. What do we expect from our customers? Not continue eating?

-From now on all our products will run on the operation system iShag. It's surveillance safe, you can screw online, but they can't screw you.

-The future of the company is on the line here. Steve hoped this day would never come, but he knew it would. Which is why his last words to me was, f#@k it!

Photo deerkoski

Tucker Is Positive Peeing Out The Window Can Stop The Wildfire

-I drink too much beer... I'll kill two birds with one stone.

Crash dance. -Especially with a huge hose like mine. If every by-passer gave to the cause, it might go away.

Firefighter Dan Hanson says he has tried many times and that it's a bad idea.

-Especially since you have to get so close. I know Tucker thinks he's loaded, but compared to our equipment, 20 centimetres isn't much to brag about.

-I know for a fact that dinosaur's put out fires like that, so Tucker isn't completely thick, he just hasn't evolved much since then. There's still tribes in the Amazons who practise it, but then again, there you go...

-It wouldn't surprise me if I saw a pissfire car crash video on youtube one of these days. It would surprise me more if I didn't.

Photo DBduo Photography

Curiosity Makes Shocking Discovery: Men Are From Mars!

Robocop. And so are women, which is even more shocking. -We thought they where from Venus, says NASA in a statement to the American public.

-This is very disappointing. I'm not sure I want to know what else Curiosity might find on Mars, says Gladys Day who works as an astronaut for NASA.

-I've always felt that my husband is a bit of a pussy, but to know that he actually is, is quite disturbing to me.

-I don't want people to think of me as a lesbian in uniform. I don't want them to look at me as a dyke because I married a man. I want my Venus. I want my roots back.

Photo  Global News Pointer

Dogs Cause More Global Damage Than Humans

-Bad dog, you've been a bad dog.

Doggy style. According to the post Bush administration, a Golden Retriever, operating out of Bagdad, is 4 months away from developing a nuclear bomb. CIA admit they did not see that coming.

The nuclear program has been developed in all secrecy with the financial support of Pedigree Pal. -This comes as a shock to all of us, says the owner of the dog, a UN Weapon Inspector from Sweden.

The dog says in an barking interview with Swedish Television that he had no intention to take over the world, he only wanted some attention from his owner. -Hey, I'm a dog, I did it my way. I make a lot of noise when I want attention.

Photo Anders Ljungberg