Cirque du Soleil Botswana is an economic disaster

The Swedish flag in drag.

The roof is the limit. The people is Botswana are the first to be disappointed by a Cirque du Soleil show. At first you might think it`s because the show isn`t that far from how they live. That jumping around like acrobatic monkeys might not be so impressive to acrobatic monkeys. But no.

-Cirque du Soleil is French for circus under the sun. We got all the sun in the world and these arrogant French put up a roof, says Rachida.

-Do you think I went here to sit in a tent? I`ve lived my whole life in a tent. I was born in a tent, I went to school in a tent, I took my driving licence in a tent, I got married in a tent, I went on honeymoon in a tent, I work in a tent, I got on vacations in a tent. I`ve seen enough tents!

Photo Dan Queiroz

James Bond smoking marijuana cut from Skyfall

Bong 23. The British Board of Film Classification said no way to a torture scene where the secret agent indulge in drug. -We are so used to Bond get into trouble, but there was no reason for him to take them. There was no one forcing him, he used his free will as in self torture. We asked the producers and they said they hope we`d never ask, says BBFC.

By then Martini was long out the door as sponsor and they needed a bigger sponsor to cover the drug expenses. Craig wasn`t the only one testing limits, the whole crew did. Att the end of the shoot they owed 43 million pounds.

In an interview with The Big Issue Daniel Craig says he has no recollection of making the movie, but he acknowledge it`s him up there on the screen. -When you make a movie named Skyfall, you shoot for the moon and miss on purpose.

Photo Marcos Kontze

Can she take down China too?

Aung San Suu Kyi sizing up China.

The Domino effect. -Yes, she can says Obama. -The male elite in China needs an elderly woman just as much as the White House in America needed a black man.

Photo Utenriksdept

The President of Burma is looking for a new apartment

This is one of the camoflash apartments they consider. It looks like a
house with three floors, but it`s actually just one.

Cage Burma. The search for a place that can satisfy the expected to be former president by 2015 has started. His apartment staff of 400 look for a place that resembles both victory in loss and his 800 meter high ego. -We want to give the impression that he sacrificed himself for Aung San Suu Kyi so he might want to bowe a little when walking inn the door, says his staff servant number 214.

-We think its the only way he can avoid being murdered after the next election. The loss is expected to be massive and he doesn`t have the balls to stand up for himself with guns. He`s a pussy like the other dictators. So we need to smooth things out apartment wise. A huge ostentatious Condo in Miami is not good for his security. Neither is a Mansion in the Hollywood Hills or any other hot shot place on earth. We need a simple plain Ikea apartment with running water and a broken fridge. We think thats his best chance for survival. Live low and avoid trial. At least for the first few years. Then... Vegas.

-If he gets caught gambling, we`ll issue the statement "Aung San Suu Kyi" is the best thing that ever happened to Burma. I was forced to run the country from 2011-2015 and I know what a shitty state it was inn. Unfortunately I didn`t have the skills Aung San Suu Kyi has. I`m honord she followed me in office and cleaned up my mess. She will always be a maid in my hearth. PS! The losses from the casinos will be given to Human Right Activists.

Photo Loz Flowers

More money in crowbars and screwdrivers

The Big Sleep. -It`s only tourists and immigrants who buy it now, says The Big Issue salesman Johnny Dope. Sales is so low it makes we want to shoot up and steeling again.

-Well, as a full time job. now I only do it part time, cause I stand here half the day. But my time is valuable aswell. Time is money, or as we like to say, crime is money.

 Photo garryknight

MIT is developing drone politician

The Republicator prototype, -He will wear a car
salesman suit come election time, off course. We
will not allow his balls to hang out like that.
We are not doing Mitt Romney, says MIT sellout
 Casher Inn.

Rape contest. The Republican Party is giving up their human animation program and throw their money at creating a president candidate from scratch instead. -Using humans as clay doesn`t work so well in our tv world. It did for a while, but as the cameras got better it is more obvious now that it`s all fake. Thats why we`re closing down our operation with Pixar.

The MIT drone program will have a candidate ready for the 2016 election. Our alcoholic team of delusional dimwits is working on his likable bio and its good. -We have to admit it has to be a man. We tried to make a woman, but it ended up being an 18 year old fuckdoll every time, say Republican Egoist and slimy lobbyist Roger Ashole.

-Nor will it be black. The Republicans can`t deal with another one. Pure racist hatred will probably decide the 2016 outcome. Especially for the conservatives. There are limits to how long we can keep it in.

Photo deeje

Vladimir Putin signs 12 year contract as leading man in the Russian news

"One small step for mankind, one
giant leap for me" -Vladimir Putin.

The Putins. The contract does not include foreign stardom. The Putin news show will however be exported to international markets, but it is not anticipated to be a global hit.

-There`s too many news show now. Too many views to hit a home run like the cold days. He has to get better writer on his show to keep up with the competition. Viewers has grown tired of signing treaties and sitting in chairs talking to other leaders, says media analytic Soon Tobe Killed.

The shows producer Natasha Gazrubles, says they`ve come up with some amazing story twists to keep the interest up. -In season 2014 he goes to the moon to save a missing astronaut and in 2020 we reveal his unknown brother.

News critics John Weird from the New York Circus still says it`s not enough. -They need a good rape. A barfight. Something to get the rumors going. If he punched another state leader in the face, live on tv, that would do it for me.

  Photo AZRainman