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The Russian Empire Hacks Back

In what seems to be an act of teenage frustration, the not so mighty bear of the East, lashes out on its former slave nation, for not acting as it wants.

One might wonder, what Russia, with it's 0.02% of the worlds population got to gain from behaving like a hack. Not much, judging from history.

If there is one lesson to be learned from the Sovjet Union, it's don't do it again.

Don't be such a bitch. You lost. Empires is a thing of the past. Buy Lego instead and deal with your ego there. You have to grow up. 

If there's any reconciliation, the winner wasn't all sunshine either, but still capable of being far worse than you. 

Which is why you should shut the fuck up and stop deluding yourself with greatness before the international community once more take you down, this time maybe for good.

Whatever the cost.

Illustration Public Domain

It's a Tie-In

Buy 2, get 1 for the monthly pay of a sweat shop worker

Trade is up and stores want their share, in fact, some more than others. 

-We have tried other campaigns like, buy 40 for the price of 39, and spend more than $100 and use the toilet for free, but customers wanted to bargain on the deal, like "give me two free toilet visits", "hell no, I'm not having you come back to my store to make a dump!", says the store manager at Barry's Ties.  

-So what we did was hire a bouncer to check if the customers really needed to use the toilet, turns out most of them didn't when faced with a 400 pound gorilla. 

-We finally got our sales boom when I gave up and tried to convince them to not wear them. "Keep it in your pocket, blow your nose with it", "show your boss you can affort to use it as a paper tissue". 

-It's all about understanding the younger generation, they don't take people up the system like me serious. To make the shop floor common ground, I don't take them serious either.

Photo F. Muhammad

Forgot to Frame Empire State Building When Doing Massive Stunt

-What am I gonna do?! I can't share this?! Nobody will believe I did it, says Sporty Joe.

-Not even my friends who where there. We hardly talk to each other in real life anymore, even though we stand right next to each other. I bet they didn`t notice. They where all probably too bussy on their phones doing their own poses. 

In a rare moment of self-insight, Sporty Joe looks at his camera and press record: -Maybe I wasn't the only jumper?

Photo Thomas R. Koll

Democracies Are Vaccinated Every 2nd Year, It's Called Election

Your vote is the vaccine!

Democratic countries takes a shoot against corruption every 2nd year. A local and regional one and a national one in 4 year intervalls. 

That prevents diseases to do too much harm before they are beaten out of the system. We could inject a shoot at any time, but as long as the system is robust to handle whatever it may face, and comfortable to live with it untill the next vaccine, there is no hurry.

It's a safety system, if you will, who prevents billions of people to be lead by one person with an equally huge ego.

That's why Jingping and Putin first and foremost export their vaccines, they don't want the people at home to get any crazy ideas.

Photo Angelo Esslinger

5 Reasons To Buy A Car

1) Keeps poverty at a distance

2) Sleep longer in the morning. A car takes you much faster to work than public transport.

3) Be an a-hole for a change, screw the environment.

4) You get crazy engine power! Either you like it or not, the car goes much faster than the speed limit, EVERYWHERE! 

5) You can be the same idiot you've always been, only faster! Imagine the damage you can cause!

Let's face it, it's a selfish vehichle...

Photo Ryan McGuire

Poverty In The Rear Mirror Appear Closer Than It Is

Thank God for that!

"I'm okay with it as long as I can plow throught it like mud, but I'm not stepping into it, I'd rather be charged with roadkill", says Oliver. 

You would think a man who share his first name with the worlds most famous orphan, Oliver Twist, had a bigger heart: "Nope, I'm not having any of that shit".

"They can go to hell. As a matter of fact, they don't have to, they can starve to death right here, in these very neighbourhoods. Many do. It's much better than getting stuck in a car tyre". 

"I don't carry a spare tyre anymore. It makes no sense, I replaced it with a semi-automatic rifle a long time ago. Besides, I need the space. How many bodies can you fit in a trunk? Never enough, certainly not on these streets. It's like death row".

Photo tokapic