Investigation Shows The Icelandic Volcano Was Set Off By A Firecracker

Earth floor. The identity of the kid who threw a $1 firecracker from China into Eyjafjallajokull minutes before it erupted is kept secret by NASA.

-The number of airlines ready to sue the boy will make him want to jump into the volcano. As a space agency, we are better off without another gigantic plume of smoke.

-We got research to do. People got places to go.

Photo Wikipedia

Fatuma Makes $2.000 A Week For Looking Dumb On Camera

Cash cow. She is the highest paid actress in Kenya and appears regularly in international media outlets, mainly Western.

-I do poor woman in Africa stories in print, web and tv. I've been on the cover of Time Woman of the Past Issue, Sports Illustrated Hungry Edition. I've bin on BBC Africa 40 times... I make a good living, says Fatuma.

-Other women who are equally exposed has to get a new dress every time. I don't.

Photo DFID - UK Department for International Development

Nice Substitute For World Domination

Restored order. Putin says in an interview that he is happy with the Olympics and that it's a nice substitute for world domination.

-Russia is the only country who can pull this off. I am very pleased with our demonstration. Everything after this will look like shit. Who else can arrange Winter Olympic in the summer? Who? Tell me one nation. One.

Photo Commons Wikimedia

Russia Has Not Used So Many Cannons Since WW2

Arms race. The US Army is paying close attention to Putins use of snow tanks during the Winter Games. The is no natural snow in Sochi and the Americans see this as an inciting of a new Cold War.

-They are demonstrating their ability to freeze out an entire city. What's interesting is that they do it to their own people. Little has changed in Russia. Their still willing to sacrifice millions, says general US Paranoid.

Photo Snow Tech

Jamaica Regret Not Sending More Than 3 Athletes To Sochi

Imagine that. -Doing winter sports in the summer capital of Russia?! We are the hash capital of the world. This is the perfect conditions for us. It's pure madness, says Jamaica's head coach.

-After a joint they fit right into anything.

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The Beaches In Sochi Is Packed During The Winter Olympics

Empty Arenas. -I'll rather sit on the beach. I've seen snow before and I don't want to see it again. It's why I moved here. Girls are more interesting on the beach, says Andrei.

Photo Wikipedia

Harry Styles From One Direction To Play Wolverine

No kidding. -I'm made for this role. I need to vent my frustration with this one-dimensional band. I need to get angry.

-I got layers! I'm a pop singer and a violent actor.

-I'm so the next Hulk.

Photo One Direction Blog by Scapula