Don`t do it, just don`t. -The nightmare began at the doctors office. I had coffee beans in my urine and he told me I drank to much coffee. He gave me an ultimatum, either you quit now or you`ll look like me in 5 years. The doctor looked like shit so I took his words for it. Little did I know he suffered from triple AIDS, diarrhea and just about every other disease you can catch in a doctors office.., motherf@#ker!
-The first day without coffee was brutal. I used to drink 16 cups a day. I was shaking like a druggie. And I couldn`t walk straight so I got that junkie knee happening. First thing my boss said when he saw me out in the park with a paper bag was "You motherf@#ker!". Then he knee-kicked my crotch and yelled "You`re fired, you f@#king alcoholic! I don`t want any of you f@#ks in my company". I tried to tell him it`s the caffeine abstinences, but then he just kicked me in the face twice. Now I had to go to the dentist. Cost me 5 grand to remove his boots from my throat!
-When I told girlfriend at the time about "leaving work" she stole my car and dumped me over the internet. Turned out she was a designer too and used me as a stepping stone into the business. I never really managed to explain how my car got stolen to my wife cause she received emails with me having sex in the trunk, in the back seat, on the bonnet... just about anywhere. So she walked out on me too and took the house with her. Never marry a lawyer, I tell you that.
-The second day without coffee the real troubles set in. I couldn`t get up in the morning. You might think that it`s ok cause I had nothing to get up to, but it wasn`t like that. I literary could not wake up. Without the caffeine rush I fell asleep again. No matter how hard I tried I could not get it up. Not even my little Steven.
-At midday I finally managed to pull myself out of bed. Then I saw the Moccamaster. My legs started shaking. My mouth drained. I couldn`t fight my urge anymore. The coffee won. I had 25 cups. High as a f@#k I ran back to the office and yelled at my boss "give me back my f@#king job or I`ll f@#king kill ya". Being the pussy he was he gave me, not only my old job back, but a raise too. I meet up with my ex-wife and told her too keep the divorce cause I`m changing her for a younger one and I tracked down my previous lover and shagged her brains out before I dumped her and showed the pictures every design company in town with the tittle "Designer bitch wants work. Does anything. Even you!"
-If there is any lesson to be learned her... don`t quit coffee.
Photo bradleygee / stringbot
