Ordinary Joe Convinced He Had Special Driving Skills

-I've been to Canada, it got to count for something, right?!

-Give me a break here, how hard can it be? says Joe who has no sympathy for the local rescue service. -They're idiots! The spokesperson for the service say they know the driver is and that it's not the first time he gets into spectacular shit. -We have blown our budget many times on that fuckhead.

Gerry, who's head of the regional rescue services, informs us of a public statement issued two weeks ago where they all agreed to let Joe die, whatever the hell he gets up to next time. -It's better for the environment.

-We have to think about climate change and this is a great initiative to save the planet. If there is one guy who could acctually damage earth, it's Joe. So, we're all very pleased to see him go.

Photo Natalia_Kollegova

Dumped On First Class

Valentine's Day didn't quite turn out as planned

The trip to Paris on daddy's private jet went hellwire when his fiance discovered he had slept with her best friend.

-I tried to explain what happened to the doctor, but he wouldn't have it. Olson, who miraculously survived the fall, was however beleived by the people at Guniness Records and is currently the proprietary of the most spectacular brake up in history.

-I though a plane would be a safe space to unveil my darkest secret, boy was I wrong. I keep telling my insurance company it got nothing to do with drugs, it's all about sex, as if that is any better..

Photo Pexels

Aung San Suu Kyi's Favorite Movie is Home Alone

and Rambo.. according to annonymous sources.

The film is rumored to play on repeat on Myanmar Army TV, a douchebag station showing just shit and Home Alone.

The Myanmar Army has a lot of weapon, so the people of Myanmar has to put up with army tv for as long as they got bullets to fire.

The price for streaming some good shows is slightly higher than in the West... slightly. If you meassure in weight, the weight of the metal that goes into making coins and bullets. It's not worth it for most Myanmarans.

Photo Claude TRUONG-NGOC

Russia Jails Anti Corruption Fighter Alexei Navalny.. WHAT?!

As in WOW, we didn't see that coming... yeah right!

Russians notorious antiput, Alexei Navalny, the king of pop media, got thrown in jail for undressing the rich @#₽$€£ in Kremlin.

Nobody like having their private property parts ridiculed in public, even if they deserve it. And boy do they. Few people deserve it more.

Holding 145 million people hostage to live your Tsar dream with your mates is pretty fucked up. Its a dangerous game, especially when the 145 million says thats it.

Photo Michal Siergiejevicz

Bear High Fived Visitor He Tried To Eat Last Week

Damn!

For reasons unknown to bearkind, the person who nearly died in the massive jaws came back for more. He escaped from the operating theatre at the hospital and took the bus down here. Not an ideal situation.

Apparently he had a 50/50 percent chance of survival and said he had some unfinnished business to take care of first, in case he didn't make it.

The Zoo staff does not want to go into further details about the specifics of the unfinnishes businees, but say in general that bear attacks are good for business. Especially when they're real nasty.

Photo Kevin Ramirez