IKEA Opens Airport Terminal

IKEA Living. -You can now fly for free to any IKEA in the world and stay at the shopping centre. We're turning it in to a hotel, says Ingvar Kamprad.

-You don't need your house anymore. Come live with us. We'll raise your kids in our ballroom and you don't have to assemble the furniture. We have done it already.

-We got a in-house hospital, you can deliver your baby in our shopping centre. You don't even have to leave. You can live and die here. We have Disneyland in the basement, there's a fotball stadium at the second floor.

-You don't even need your own family, come live with our staff!

Photo Olav Gustaf Johnsen blog

In No Way Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Look Like The Pyramids

Rest in Fame. -That's purely coincidental. Hey, the Egyptians didn't play Rock and Roll, that came 4.600 years later. There weren't even sound back then. Come on! Leave it, says Someone.

-Can't you see it's a hall! Damnit. I'm telling you, it's a hall. It's right there in the name: Hall of Fame! We're honouring our heros, not faraones... Thats soooooooo different!

Photo by David Mark

Art Expert: -This Pitch Is a Fraud

Game on. A football club in trouble tried to sell their pitch on auction at Salisbury.

-It's worthless. Sorry, I can't help them, we don't sell counterfeit, says art dealer Pan Papers.

-To tell the truth, which I never do, not even now or ever, if I where them, I would not try to make money on it and instead let the kids have it.

-Does that make sense at all? It sure as *#$% doesn't to me, but sometimes you got to wing it.

The club remains nameless.

Photo Tom Dehli

School Shooting First Time Not Making Headlines

Il Capitano. The terrible tragedy somehow slipped the media. Why?! It's happening so freequently parents move their kids abroad. I guess they where just too busy, says newly unemployed schoolboys driver.

-Even Iraq is safer than USA. In comparison, Afghanistan is seen as a rather good substitute. If their lucky, the kid might go a newly built schools by the United Nations.

Locals, on the other hand, is not happy with the American kids. -They take our schools! They where built for us, not immigrants. I don't care if they come from a war zone worse than ours. This shit is ours now. Please leave again, yells local parent. I mean it! I f#@ing mean it.

But Afghan leader Rabi looks differently at it. -We have to help. They come from worse than us. Remember, the terror in USA doesn't come from terrorist rulership, like we are used too, it comes from the people.

Which has lead many Afghans to worry about letting them into their territory. - There is a rise to stop all free world immigration in the polls. Afghans talk about monitoring them. Even throw out those already here. It's bad, says Muslim leader Ali.

Photo by Ryan McGilchrist

The Arab Spring Officially Renamed The Arab Minute

Gone with the wind. What seemed like the beginning of a better future disappeared like a newsflash. -If it ain't broken enough, don't fix it, thats what I say, says rebel fighter 0.000.032.

-They had better weapons, we had sticks and fists... what where we thinking?!

Photo by Jonathan Rashad

Santa's On Steroids

Tour de World. Santa Claus tested positive in a drug test before Xmas and has been banned from Xmas for 2 years. -This is ridiculous, says Santa to BBC North Pole.

-How the #@$% can I get this done without it? There's too many kids! Too many addresses. I got one day?! Jesus, I'm not Jesus!

-Do you think Rudolph help? Seriously, an animal? Give me a stealth jet fighter or shut up. It's either that or drugs.

Photo Frankzed

The Virgin Galactic Explosion Looked Like Popcorn in the Sky

Explod-O-Pop. -Like a massive bowl of popcorn, the kind of size you would go for after smoking a joint of legal marihuana, says ground operator Bill Shift.

-The kind you go for when you think you can fly. When your high enough to believe boundaries doesn't apply to you.

Illustration Sam Churchill