Jodie Don`t Care Who Wins Anymore, More Concerned If There Is No Winner

Resurrection. -I can`t take this one more time, if at all. I am seriously concerned about next time cause there is no way to escape it.

-I can`t leave my country and expect it to be a non subject there. It`s the talk of the day everywhere in the world, says Jodie who`s never been outside her State or state of mind.

-So I`m thinking about space travel. I understand the attraction now. I never did before, but now I do. I would actually pay gazillions of dollars to leave earth and come back when it`s over.

Photo La Melodie

Patient Escaped From Hospital With Broken Leg

-I want my private life coming, coming back,

Hospitality. The patient was so full of durgs he didn`t know north from south west, but he knew he wanted to go to Buenos Aires and dance the tango. -Thats a tall order from Paris with trains, says the doctor who picked him up from the TVG station.

-It`s the fourth time he does something like this. He saw a documentary on tv about the flamingo dance in Argentina and suddenly he thinks he knows the language and can dance like a cabron.

-Last time he thought he was a professional soccer player for Real Madrid and ran across the stadion but naked yelling Gestapo! Before that he rang on people`s doorbell and said "mi casa su casa", walked right inn and ate from their fridge until he dropped.

Some patients are better off left alone.

Photo cookipediachef

Fed Up Joe Votes For The Candidate With The Dirtiest Smear Campaign

Smalltalk. -More than anything I want this election over with already. I feel like I`ve heard the arguments so many times they go on auto-repeat in my head. I need a few weeks to unwind, says Joe.

-If you ask me why I don`t care, I`ll tell you I do, but about the wrong issues. When I come home and take off these clothes, I`m an ashole. I don`t care about others. I don`t care about faking it either. I`m a selfish prick who thinks about me and me only. And I`m proud of it.

-When I hear about global warming, I don`t care, cause it happens after I die. It doesn`t affect me. You might say "what about your grand children?" Fuck èm! I want my SUV more.

Photo s.maentz

Wolverine Pass On Offer To Star In Sex-Men

Latex Mutiny. -I`m not comfortable fucking someone else on camera. I`ll kill them, torture them, eat them, but I got limits. I will not do one on one in full nudity. I got standards, says Wolverine.

-Lot of people wonder if I do wolfs. Sometimes. It all depends on the mood. If it`s late and the moon is shining I`ll do it. It`s not much stopping me then.

-I prefer doggy style, wolfs really don`t have styles. It`s more of a combat existence. It doesn`t translate well to sex. It too tough for rough love, it`s more like rape love. It`s disgusting.

Photo marvelousRoland

Athlete Pee In Pool To Win Game

Marking territory

Pister. -From experience I know opponents play worse sniffing my urin. They wonder what is that smell. Then they ask themselves is it possible?

-When they realize it is, they get paralyzed like my piss has some kind of power over them. They feel surrounded by piss and performing well disgust them, says Urin Boy.

Photo istolethetv

New York Marathon Canceled To Make Space For New York Water Polo

Head above water. New York mayor Bloomberg invite everybody with swimsuits to participate in the world`s first open grand slam tournament in water polo.

-I know it`s ridiculous, but I have no islamists to blame and I desperately need to redirect attention. The Big Apple can only take so much negative press before it hurt our tourist industry.

-So if you think I do this for the locals, think again. It`s all about the money.

Photo tpower1978

Luke Skywalker Gets His Own Tonight Show

Night of too many stars. Forget peace in the galaxy. Disney plans to gear up the war machine after taking control of the Death Star. -War is drama. -We need drama to fill endless episodes of the Star Wars saga.  Peace has to go... sorry folks, but war is good for the economy.

Luke Skywalker is surprised about the format he`s assigned to work in, but he understands the need to adjust to the times.

-I just don`t know what to say. I hear we`re redoing the Letterman shows from 1982-93. As long as there is a teleprompter feeding me words I`m okay with Bugs Bunny. Did you read those Star Wars scripts? They where insane.

Photo nickstone333