Extra! Mitt Romney wins New Hampshire Idol

Obamas boy. -Age before beauty bitches, was Romneys comment to the other contestant after the audience was done with their sms voting at the Republican Idol. Romney, who has won several Who Wants to be a President, has never got to the top at the "prestigious" American Primaries.

-It`s the 10th season. He has outlived nearly all his competitors. He can actually make the final, says political trend contributor Whatz Hott to Cosmopolitician. -Thats why the Republicans celebrate these smaltime elections so much cause they know their losing the big one.

Photo Gage Skidmore

Elastic estate market in Shanghai is booming

-When we run out of building materials we use whatever we find,
gummy bears wasn`t the smartest.

Super domino. -We never though the people who`d live there would ever afford to furniture their apartments. We calculated for working class people with 18 hour days. Never more than 40 there at any given time. How could we know they got a serious pay raise? asks Dong the Builder.

-When we found out we thought the best thing was to do nothing. Why worry in advance? What are they going to do. Move into another building that falls apart?

-The Communist Party will kill more people than us trying to save the survivors. They always do. So we don`t have to worry about our reputation. New prospects will continue to come in. It always does. We have to worry about not putting up enough buildings. Otherwise the commies come for us!

Photo Marc van der Chijs

Nerd occupy entire city's internet access

Here occupying the city's sewage plant for 15 min.

Webmania. -He`s really horny, says the web provider. As in watching porn all the time. On top of that there`s the online gaming, social media, streaming downlading and the usual bullshit surfing. We don`t know what to do?

Online Joe, as he prefers to be called, says he got no problem with occupying Web Street. -It`s an internet movement. People has had enough and take to the computers. How can I possibly fail on my laptop? I`ve failed in everything else in life. Now I finally realize I should never have tried. I shouldn`t have left my bedroom. Thats the mistake. The horrible grades was never the problem, it was the going to school.

-Ever since I sat down on my ass and said fuck off to the world, I`ve grown enormously, not only physically, but as a person. Surfing on the web have revealed sides in me I wasn`t aware off. I never knew I was that filthy. Now I know and I have come to accept that I`m a pig with an abnormal appetite for weird sex.

-I had no clue I cared soo little about issues I should really care about. I don`t even give a fuck. I learned that I`m fine with crime as long as I don`t get caught. I don`t care if the movie companies go bankrupt. I never did when I did. Why should I care more for them? They never helped me to download their stuff for free anyway. Selfish pricks.

-I say this to everyone I meet the few times I have to go outside; "Go online and get a life!".

Photo The Infamous Gdub

Every Chinese is yellow, but some are more yellow than others

The Communist Parking House in Beijing

Yellow submarine. -We call the Commie Party`s list of who gets perks the yellow pages. When you see party bureaucrats in a high end cars you know their yellow on the inside too, anonymous Cho.

-Some are so yellow they turn orange, or even worse, red. Thats how you know your dealing with a true party rat. The hot dogs of evil. Never turn your back to a comrade who blends with the flag. That`s suicide.

-The Beatles is code for resistance here. It`s the music of the underground. When we sing these songs in China they get an ironic touch like no other satire. Like We all live in the yellow submarine, with an emphasize on we as in yeah right...

-We sing the courus of All you need is love with the nastiest touch of evil. Love is code for party membership. Girlfriend means party brass and so on. Every song ever made get so funny in China. When Rihanna sings We found love it means she found a dirty bastard who steels from the pople who steel.

Photo jiazi

Watch the throne Elisabeth, technically I`m king now

Sweet baby rapstar. -How many show up to hear you sing, huh? I build myself a castle now so watch out. I`m coming for you, says Kayne West in an interview with Royal Ego.


Photo dnorton

James Bond got into a fight after ordering milkshake

Public agent. -He got the irony, definitely, says Joshy. But I had a few to many joints before the late shift and it was too tempting asking "shaken, not stirred?" He smiled politely and I responded arrogantly "but it`s a milkshake?! It`s already shaken!". It was so funny. After the 6th take he didn`t find it funny anymore. I was so stone I thought we where making a Bond movie.

-The atmosphere changed in a bliss when he beat me up. People  took pictures and cheered and next thing I`m on the cover of New Dork Times. It was fantastic. Beaten up by Bond like in a real movie.

-The problem started when he came back for another milkshake. I wasn`t in the mood for intensive care, but as a burger shop employee  the customer is always right. Two months later, I had to quit, I looked like meat and my co workers would threw me on the grill by mistake.

-I got a job in vegetarian fast food joint and guess who walks in and orders a milkshake? Sean Connery. He heard about the beatings and wants in. He felt that he had to prove that he is the real Bond and 4 broken bones later I agreed to make peace.

-Craig went nuts when he heard about Connery, "that`s my, bitch", "Nobody fucks with my bitch!". He came back and took me down good. So the joint stopped selling milkshake. Next time he came by he didn`t like it, so I told him "Too much to handle for MI6?". "They never thought you what to do if you ran out of milkshake?"...and then we where back at it.

Photo NYTrotter

Arnold was working on a secret program to increase the population in USA

Here after banging the entire Yankee stadium

Total Repregnation. His wife Maria got suspicious when Arnold kept going to the gym a little to often. -He would disappear for a few hour and I asked him where he`d been and he`ll answer "to the gym". No woman in her right mind stops her man from going to the gym, look at his body.., but then he would disappear for months and when I asked where he`d been "to the gym". So something was going on.

-I guess I should have picked it up when he made True Lies. I think they screen tested 70.000 women to find the right ones. They did as many as they got away with. There where truck loads coming in and they pumped it good.

After hiring a private eye she was breathtaking. -In 1968, when Arnold first moved to USA, NSA recruited him for a population explosion program. China was pointed out as the future enemy after the predicted fall of the Sovjet Union. Their biggest weapon was people. They already had 750 millions of them. US was falling behind with it`s 200 millions. The government needed someone who could fuck an enormous amount of chicks.

-He could literally impregnate ladies by looking at them. They didn`t even need to be in the same room. Somehow his sperm would find it`s way to their vagina, says NSA operative John Spermfelt. We`re up 110 million now thanks to Mr Universe. Give him another 20 years and we`re up to... now that he`s not married... 500 millions.

Photo gregeichelberger