Man's best friend

Unconditional love.  -It`s my best friend. Always happy to see me. Never complains about anything. Never judge me. It`s just always there. When I need to talk to someone. When I`m lonely... It`s the best thing that ever happened to me.

Photo Planet V

Entertainment centre for sale

Escape estate. Sony 3D-TV 60" 8 seats livingroom with dolby digital surround sound system, 1 Samsung  50" plasma TV 1080p (FullHD) 4 seat hobbyroom, 2 bedroom 42" LCD flat panel display - 1080p (FullHD), iPod, cordless internet, cable tv, 16 radios, Wii, Playstation, X-Box 360, 9 laptops, air condition, drive inn parking, close to shopping centre`s, take away kitchen, 8 tap soda machine with ice dispenser, fries machine & Pizza Hut delivery deal.

Price indication: quarter of a life.

Photo Irish Typepad

Wants Cannabis for X-Mas

Good boys. -Mom asked what I want for X-Mas and I said cannabis mom. No way I`m gonna settle for a video game escape or any of that shit... Then I`ll trash my xmas sock like a pinata. I want the real stuff now. Yeah. F@#k yeah!

-I told my daddio if you don`t share some of that medical marihuana with me on X-Mas day your gonna need a real doctor. I`m tired of being a closet smoker. Might aswell blow it in your face.

What are the cops gonna bust you for now? -Yeah, the donut guys, yeah, you can say that again. Don`t worry. We`ll come up with something. We always do.  


Photo Davichi

Sagging diapers

Taking your girlfriend for a dump. Nothing turns on a gold digger more than a guy who can`t control his own bladder.

Photo victoriapeckham

Capsule coffee popular among army vets

There`s nothing like the smell of Nespresso in the morning. -I haven`t fired a gun in a long time. This was exactly what I needed to get out of bed. The three time war hero misses the excitement of the battlefield, but now, thanks to Nestlé, he can prepare for battle in his own kitchen. - I remove the used patron first. Then I take out a new capsule from my bullet belt, reload, squeeze the trigger and BOOM - hot coffee!

I like my semi automatic Nespresso machine, but I can`t wait for the full automatic with a 40 capsule magazine. It`s gonna be a f@#king mess. Imagine going into a restaurant -Everybody get down on the floor and leave your cups on the table. This is a coffee serving! Ratatatatata.

-I think the coffee people will reach new customers who previously didn`t drink coffee. People who prefer drugs or are heavily medicated would probably try it. The product reach them in a way society doesn`t manage to. It`s like they understand each other. Like it`s just meant to be a f@#king mess.

Paintball enthusiast Johnny Faker sees real potential here. -Going out for a coffee get`s a whole other meaning. I`m starting up the coffee chain Bulletproof. It`s a self serve concept with interior entirely made out of kevlar. Originally I wanted a staff and instead of signing off the customer with "is that all?" my line would be "would you like a beating with that?", but nobody applied for the positions. Not even Mexicans. -WMA, Not Afghanistan.

Photo Marc Lagneau

According to EU, there is minus 30 million people in Poland

Where did they go? -They went to the bathroom, says the human statistic analyser in Brussel. Don`t worry, they haven`t left the planet. We had the same problem in China. They where all in the public toilet. I think we found three of them. The Chinese authorities where not happy about the results. We newer heard from them again. They still owe us money. It wasn`t until later we found out that the public restroom actually was the city. We should have gone inn, but the smell... The worst census we had was in Nicaragua during the 80`s. People where shot during the survey, we had to go back into the villages with bullet proof wests and re-counts so many times. Those guerilla guys showed no respect for what we where doing. -Hey guys! I just counted that guy! Then they off course had to shoot after us. I guess there just so many times you can do something before it gets boring. After Nicaragua field work didn`t do it for me, says the office rat.

Photo DocentX

-It felt like I had seen it 12 times, then I realized I hadn`t seen it at all

It`s the fucking hype. -I miss the days when I could walk into a cinema and see films I hadn`t seen before and I miss shagging my secret girlfriend, but I can`t talk about that so I focus on the silver screen. Yesterday, I had an awesome threesome and the first thing I said to my wife when I came home was they have to do something about those hyped films. And she totally agreed. I was a bit surprised by how strongly she felt about this and it turns out she was fucking my brother. We have never really cared about much, so we got suspicious of each other. Since none of us wanted to raise the subject we channeled our anger towards the media instead and it did wonders to our marriage. It`s been three years now and I`ve never had so much sex in my entire life.

Photo the_tahoe_guy