Chavez Idol
President Chavez has entered Venezuelian Idol. He is so sure about winning he changed the name of the contest to Chavezuelian Idol. The show starts with the warning "Everybody who don`t like Chavez will be put to sleep". Since, it became the biggest crowd pleaser on the Chavez Broadcasting Corruption. The audience don`t even vote. It`s done for them by the Chavez Institute of fair play. And Simon isn`t allowed to speak at all, only nod when Chavez says it`s best for the people he wins.
Arabic Women Should Respect European Men
It`s about time Islamic women wear miniskirts in Europe and slut around if they intend to stay. Atleast one pornomovie should be compulsory before marrige. Seriously.
5 Reasons Why Sweden Gets To Build 10 New Nuclear Power Plants
- There aren`t that many Swedish suicide bombers.
- Their not gonna kill you if you make a caricature drawing of one of the sofas in the IKEA catalogue.
- They don`t publicly claim Hitler was right about the jews.
- They don`t live in the middle age.
- They don`t give death sentences to authors critizising Sweden.
Volvo XC60 Gook Tragic
Now that Volvo is going yellow, the car manufaturer gets an advantage compared to the time under its previous owner Ford. They don`t have to care about safety anymore. It`s gonna be assembled in China and it`s gonna be driven in China, by the Chinese people. Why care anymore about human rights than the Chinese government, when you can make tonns of money behaving badly. Afterall, isn`t that whats making it in China is all about.
Bad China
If it hadn`t been for all the promised market, none of the hopefull companies or countries had put up with any of the shit China has done in the last decade. From being a poor unworthy opponent it has gone to being a selfish greedy motherfucker who waves the carrot in the face of anyone thinking about not acepting they bad behavior. The Chinese weapon of mass market is the best weapon ever invented. Getting far more done than neuclear bombs ever did. People accept now what they previously had to be scared to, out of fear of not getting the carrot. The Chinese use the American dream against the world. Do as we say or no dream for you - the greatest trick off all time.
The Allies actually had to build the bomb and nuke a few town to scare Hitler into capitulating, but now, not only is the market not there, they want us to build it for them. The Allies didn`t ask the Natzis to build the A-bomb for them and threatened to not give them a part in the promised land if they didn`t. The Naztis had their own Third Reich, why the hell would they have any part in the Allied world? Not the least build it for them!
The Allies actually had to build the bomb and nuke a few town to scare Hitler into capitulating, but now, not only is the market not there, they want us to build it for them. The Allies didn`t ask the Natzis to build the A-bomb for them and threatened to not give them a part in the promised land if they didn`t. The Naztis had their own Third Reich, why the hell would they have any part in the Allied world? Not the least build it for them!
Dare China Kill Google Employees in USA?
The Chinese authorities have made it very clear they don`t like censorship violation. They kill thousands every year just to to scare the rest of the population from braking the censorship law. So does the Chinese government have the balls to start kill Americas in USA? They could start with the Americans tourists in China. How would that effect their reputation? Well, it will make them very popular in the middle east. Russia would fucking love it, but newer publicly. The French hate the Americans so much they would give it a go ahead. Britan might green light it for a while after all the shit Bush got them into. South America, wow, the hate there towards the states are so intense they would help arm the Chinese. The Canadian want no part in this. And Mexico would build walls to keep the Americans out.
USA can`t go to Israel for help either, cause it doesn`t work that way. It`s a dangerous game.
USA can`t go to Israel for help either, cause it doesn`t work that way. It`s a dangerous game.
Health Care Reform in the US
This is a victory for the fast food industry. Now the americans can eat even more. They don`t have to think about their health at all. They can just let those burgers come untill the ambulance pickèm up. That`s drive-in!
Moscow Murders
Something has defnetly collapsed since the Soviet Union. You couldn`t even possibly brake the speed limits with the old Lada`s and now they go "deer hunting" with them in the streets of Moscow. What the fuck has happened? When did the car become the weapon in a drive by?
Missing in China
People still disappear in China. Especially the onces who speak up for the poor. The communist party is not known for handling this criticism well and since there`s nothing more to take from the poor, they take away the people who speak their cause - just to rub it in. "Look, we don`t even give a shit!".
As to where these people are taken, the Chinese Authorities have no answear. They don`t even know who took them. But they assure us that they are missing in China, not abroad. That`s the whole points isn`t it? Otherwise we would have heared from them.
Isn it strange how few Chinese get lost outside China. You would think it was easier to keep track of them in their own country. Where they can actually see the difference between eachother. Than out in the big world where they all look a like and nobody understands shit of what their talking about.
It`s what make Chinese take away so special - it`s the Chinese who gets taken away.
As to where these people are taken, the Chinese Authorities have no answear. They don`t even know who took them. But they assure us that they are missing in China, not abroad. That`s the whole points isn`t it? Otherwise we would have heared from them.
Isn it strange how few Chinese get lost outside China. You would think it was easier to keep track of them in their own country. Where they can actually see the difference between eachother. Than out in the big world where they all look a like and nobody understands shit of what their talking about.
It`s what make Chinese take away so special - it`s the Chinese who gets taken away.
Karl Rove - Capitalism To The Bone
After reading his memoirs Al Qaeda wants Karl Rove handed over to the Middle East for war crimes. They don`t buy his reason for going to war any more than he does theirs. A suicide diplomat has been sent by the Al Qaeda Middle Age Ministry to pick him up. However, the US Department of Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran say they wont let the bombomat inn without detonationg the explosives first, as part of the new visa regulations. "And considering how much money we make on the book sale over there - who cares what they think?"
Multireality
There are 7 major reality cultures in the world, 4 huge reality religions and atleast two political reality ideologies still arround, all fighting for the truth. The one true reality. Thats 13 different perceptions of the same reality planet. Pretty good considering there`s 7 billion humans on it who hardly agrees on anything. But when you see earth from space it looks pretty clear cut. It`s all layed out there ready to go with it`s oceans and land. Doesn`t really seem to need a reality fix. It`s seems to understands it role in the universe and how to play the cards. Doesn`t seem to need the help of humans to do anything. Got the rotation all worked out to finds the way in space all by itself. It doesn`t screem out in the universe for help. And if there where anything, I doubt it would ask humans for a planet fix.
Who in space cares what we think?
Who in space cares what we think?
Tourette Quake
Few people with Tourette syndrom are harmed in earthquakes, hurricanes and erupting volcanoes. Why are there so many Tourette survivors? We asked the leader of the Tourette people in the navi tribe and as we saw the guy shaking sideways it became crystal clear to us. These people have internal earthquakes all the time. If our planet was to have similar earth ticks, humans would be thrown into space. To them, natural catastrophes is nothing. It`s just a day where they can finally get some peace.
The Hurt Speech
-Yeah!!!! I fucking deserve this. Take that, urgh!!! You mama! I`m the king of James Cameron. Go dady! Who`s your director, now bitch?!
-I`d like to thank me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me & myself. For doing such a best job. I know you all envy my skills and dream about one day being as good as me. Well, that day is newer gonna come. Not as long as I`m alive. That`s why I`m up here and your down there. There`s not room for all of us on stage. That`s why there`s so many seats here. To fit in all the loosers. Not to mention all the loosers watching online who can`t eve get a fucking ticket. Now that`s just pathetic.
I`ll newer forgett this view of all you non-winners apploading me - it`s a real Kodak moment. I`M THE BITCH OF THE WORLD!!! Suck it!
-I`d like to thank me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me & myself. For doing such a best job. I know you all envy my skills and dream about one day being as good as me. Well, that day is newer gonna come. Not as long as I`m alive. That`s why I`m up here and your down there. There`s not room for all of us on stage. That`s why there`s so many seats here. To fit in all the loosers. Not to mention all the loosers watching online who can`t eve get a fucking ticket. Now that`s just pathetic.
I`ll newer forgett this view of all you non-winners apploading me - it`s a real Kodak moment. I`M THE BITCH OF THE WORLD!!! Suck it!
And the Oscar for best acceptance speech goes to...
In no other award show, is the difference between the genius art and the genius that makes them, more obvious than at the Ocars. How the hell could that knucklehead make that movie? That gotta be magic! Well, when you look at some of them you might think there definitely must be some magic tricks going on. How can a person who creates so magnificent movies be so dull in real life? The answear lies in the question. It`s what dull people do to get attention - only to realize it doesn`t change a damn thing.
Gayslam
Gayslam is an erotic religion where men all over the world get together in houses where women has no access and perform rituals where they sit down on all four doggy style and pray up and down into the butthole infront of them. Not much different than little boys getting down on their knees for a priest job or Fat Budda taking a dumb forward with his legs all fucked up.It`s just another road to paradise...
Gayran
The Iranian department of gay bashing released a list of 13 million gay Iranian`s who they are going to beat the shit out of within the next couple of weeks. The list, nicknamed the butt list within the gay community, is sensured in Iranian cause a considerable number of names was within the political religious elite. Since there is so many poffs within the inner circles of religion, why don`t they stop the hate and start banging each other instead? "Well, we do, but we didn`t want people to find out. So we figured out the best way to cover it up was to bash out a gay alert".
Drowning in Information
For the first time in human evolution there`s more information than water on our planet. Floating around in this deep ocean of confusing factoids feels like simulated drowning, only there`s plenty of air to breathe. Since nobody seems capable to process all this data one might wonder if the best way to get a grasp of it all is simple by shutting it all off.
The Koran 2.0
The long avaited Koran 7 is an upgrade of the ancient text where they have removed all the problems associated with the previous Koran Vista. As believers grew frustrated with Vista, religious leaders saw no reason to invest time and energy in an edition who caused so much violence and frustration. Instead they choosed to continue preaching the more stabile versions Koran XP or even Islam 95 in their mosques.
All the violence and treats with Koran Vista damaged Islams reputation so badly the launch of Koran 7 is a believe or not to believe for Islam at the religious market. Among the upgrades is the previously non existing behavior ware program religion 2010 with demonstration wall and anti violence, pluss Norton antifear with bomb protection and anti marriage.
The religious upgrade of the Islamic software is the first of it`s kind. Where the previous revisions where mere downgrades than upgrades, this one is, for the first time, designed to make Islam Computer Inc more capable with the rest of world. 1500 years late according to critics.
All the violence and treats with Koran Vista damaged Islams reputation so badly the launch of Koran 7 is a believe or not to believe for Islam at the religious market. Among the upgrades is the previously non existing behavior ware program religion 2010 with demonstration wall and anti violence, pluss Norton antifear with bomb protection and anti marriage.
The religious upgrade of the Islamic software is the first of it`s kind. Where the previous revisions where mere downgrades than upgrades, this one is, for the first time, designed to make Islam Computer Inc more capable with the rest of world. 1500 years late according to critics.
Shaking Planet
Our planet`s anti-freeze program sometimes needs to adjust inner heat production and let out some steam to stay in balance, depending on where it is in the galaxy. For those who think the sun heats up our planet or that global warming has anything to do with what gasses we humans let out in the atmosphere - think again. Global warming is absolutely necessary to prevent space freezing. Its our planets anti-freeze program. Protecting our world from the cold of the universe. If not convinced, try standing on the moon in a pair of shorts... Without it, we`ll all die. Try to fuck with it like that asshole All Gore it`s like following a roadmap to extinction. If we all followed his advice our planet will overheat and explode.
Who needs Taliban to shake things up when you got homebombs like Al Gore speaking around. Why doesn`t he mention how much money he makes on the preaching in his speeches? Well, if he did, nobody would lissen to a damn word.
Who needs Taliban to shake things up when you got homebombs like Al Gore speaking around. Why doesn`t he mention how much money he makes on the preaching in his speeches? Well, if he did, nobody would lissen to a damn word.
Copenhagen - First we take religion, then we take the weather
Nobody sets the world agenda like Copenhagen. First the Muhammad cartoons controversy, then the climate conference. What is it with Copenhagen?
Not since Hamlet has there been so much rotten in the state of Denmark, but the problem is not the Denish. Like Shakespeare, Muhammad is no more Denish than old dinosaur dust in the air. The problem is the landscape. It`s the perfect scenery for the greatest dramas of our time. It`s flatness makes it perfect to blown up conflict cause they becomes so visible. There is nothing there to take the attention away. No mountains, no lakes, no nothing. Only conflicts. And there is nowhere to hide either which is why the Danes go head first when a volcano of disagreement erupts - it`s the only way to survive in the deadly lava.
Not since Hamlet has there been so much rotten in the state of Denmark, but the problem is not the Denish. Like Shakespeare, Muhammad is no more Denish than old dinosaur dust in the air. The problem is the landscape. It`s the perfect scenery for the greatest dramas of our time. It`s flatness makes it perfect to blown up conflict cause they becomes so visible. There is nothing there to take the attention away. No mountains, no lakes, no nothing. Only conflicts. And there is nowhere to hide either which is why the Danes go head first when a volcano of disagreement erupts - it`s the only way to survive in the deadly lava.
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