Trumps Brain Possessed By The Devil

 

What the world needs now is an exorcism, not an election, otherwise we're doomed, says scientists at the covid-19 research senter in Ballahama. 

You know, we got a lot of heavy equipment here, stuff that the outside world doesn't know exist. When Trump was here, stuff went off that more alarming than the coronavirus. The guy's possessed. 

Normally people prefer to be anonymous when making public accusations like this, but this is not the case with the scientists at the covid-19 research centre.

-We hate the guy. He's horrible. Everybody knows. What is there to be afraid of coming forward? The whole world hates him. The guys's a lonatic. More people will die from the presidents rage than covid-19. We got to get this guy out of office before he brings the devil to the White House.

Photo Elliot Anderson

God Gives Up On Earth, Builds New Planet Outside Berkshire

-It went alright untill you muffs went into space. You're not ready for the answears. Why do you have to ask so many questions all the time?! Curiosity was a massive mistake, I guess all of human kind was. Not doing that again, says God to the local newspaper in Berkshire. 

The new planet will according to Berkshire Post, named New Earth, like New York, just bigger, but without humans, off course.

An official date for the launch is yet to be set, but expected soon. Around the time we screw it up apparently. -I should have done this lightyears ago, says God. Now I run the risk of getting it all wrong again with another fast planet. I should have done this slow... to aviod the obvious. 

Photo Theo Dawson

EGG KILLER CAUGHT!!!

The Egg Killer was captured by the French police in what seems to be the most spectacular attempt at escaping the law. -He hijacked a plane at the Airbus factory and set off to the other side of the moon, says the French law enforcement who shot him down with a Eurostriker before he got too far off the ground.

The Egg Killer was interrogated through the night and the French police is getting a clearer picture of who this serial mass murder is.

-He grew up in a chicken farm in Poland and escaped. Somehow he had picked up the ability to read. Probably from hanging around humans. And by chance he came cross Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler.

But it was the Greek edition and he spoke Polish, so he apparently moved to Greece to enjoy life, but he fell short of money, had to live in the streets and survived as an egg prostitute. He tried to get into an art school, but he wasn't accepted.

He claims to get the taste of his own kind late one night in a cafeteria. Out of nowhere he ate his friends. He can't explain it, he says, something suddenly came over me. Since then he has eated more eggs than every person on earth combinded.

The disgusting part is he eats them to death. He doesn't mind eggs, he doesn't plan to murder them, it's just a side effect of his canibalism.

An estimated 2 billion eggs has died in the mouth of the Egg Killer. Thats 2 billion eggs that could have been eaten and killed by humans! says the French police who are very pleased with their arrest.

They also point out that they now can put the rumors of a giant bodybuilder from out of space who ate all the protein on earth to rest.


Photo Tom Dehli

Not Another Term With Lukasjenko

-His time is up. Time to throw the sitting duck out of office, says the lady crow of Minsk and every other city in Belarus. The election was rigged. Get out before we eat you alive.

-Find a condo in Moscow and don't come back!

-There's no lost love here.


Photo Free-Photos

Chinese President Listens to Rap

Gangsta rap is Xi Jinping favorite music and it shows. It has affected how he conducts his foreign policy in a big way since he discovered it. He was introduced to it by one of Trumps bodyguards.

The bodyguard thought he was going to die when he turned up the volume to badass gangsta rap and realized Xi Jinping was in the car, but he was intrigued by the gritt of it and asked what it was and told him to turn it up.

Since then Xi Jinping is always riding with his sunnies inside the limo and playing the music as loud as the speakers allow. The limo is soundproof, off course, and they turn it off before he steps out to perform his presidential duties, than aside, he's totally down with it.


Photo The Guardian

Average Kim Avoids Made In China

-Yeah, take that you bullies! I buy made in Taiwan from now on. And guess what, the Taiwan gadgets are exactly the same. I've had them for a couple of months now and I can't tell the difference!

-Imagine if every citizen on earth did the same? Taiwan would be a Superpower!


Photo English

WW2 Veterans Prefer Germany Over Russia

-Germany created the greatest society the world has ever seen. I love it. Russia can go to bed. I wouldn't set my foot there today. Not the way they have gone, but thats another story, says the WW2 veteran who speaks for all of them.

-Russia still brag about winning the war, like they did it on their own, but they where never that important. Sure, they had big losses, but that didn't help us win did it. Neither is it a valid argument to diminish the Allies abilities to fight. Our soldiers stayed longer in battle. That made us more dangerous, not less. You mesure success in gains, not losses.

-The Allies stopped the war with the atom bomb in 1945 and saved Sovjetunion and the world hundreds of millons of lives. It would have gone on for years if we had left it to Sovjet to defeat Hitler, but they could never admit that and thank us for doing the dirty work.

-Russia is stuck in time and tries to hang on the bandwagon with their desperate take on history. You got to move on. Look at Germany, the Nazis lost the war, but God did the Germans win the world.


Photo Baptiste Heschung