Al Franken To Star In Running for President Exercise Video

To avoid more pigs in the White House the Senate has commissioned Al Franken to make a training video on how to run the White House. The video, which will be available on all steaming services in time for the election, will focus on the dos and don'ts of Presidency.

We're embarrassed there's no formal training ground for taking the highest office in our country. We demand years of education to be a doctor or a lawyer, but not a President. After closely observing the current one we have concluded that there must be some form of formal training to eliminate the obvious assholes. 

So, we looked to the Academy, where the members actually has to watch the best foreign film nominees and compared those to who actually won and concluded, thats good enough!

-The Official Statement from The US Senate.

Photo Paul Walsh

Trump To Lay Wreath At Tomb of Quisling To Honour The Kind Of People Who Brought Him To Power

-To understand who we are it's important to know where we come from, says President Trump in a statement tweeted from the White House. I want you all to know I was a part of this, I knew what was happening, I wasn't some retard Putin played like his Russian Oligarchs. I knew, I played him, tell that to the historians!

Photo White House Photographer Shealah Craighead

Trump: Give Sex A Chance

The President quoted the famous John Lennon lyrics in an attempt to silence the growing criticism of his behaviour. After being informed by a black staffer the words was actually give love a chance, the President replied what the f*** did you just say?! and fired her.

Photo Gage Skidmore

16th Century Climate Campaigner "The Sky Falls Down If We Chop Down Trees"

-People don't think about the environment. They pie in the ocean?! They don't think about the rising sea levels. Culturally speaking, there's no cause and effect built into our behaviour thinking. It only here and now. Thats why I chop down everyone who pie in the ocean... to prevent the world from drowning.

Photo Red_Raccoon

Sexiest #MeToo Off The Year

Al Franken, the politician representing a political party who didn't have the guts to stand up for whats right when the wind blew the other way.

Innocent or not, wether your John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton or the up until now, next in line, these days you have to be a Russian to win the election.

Sorry Al, you where too American. The times are a changin...

Photo Lorie Shaull

Darth Vader Apologize For Not Causing More Pain

Darth Vader says in a statement sent to all corners of the Galaxy that he is truly sorry for not being more scary. -It was my intention that you would have to live with this, not speak up about it, clearly I've done a bad job.

Darth Vader has promised the Emperor that all accusers will be silenced by dawn and that he will not bring shame upon the Empire ever again.

-I've learned my lesson. I'm not a comedian. I'm an evil Sith Lord. It's my mission to destroy the Rebel Alliance. However, to reach my goal I might have to re-evaluate my strategy.


Photo mendemonda

Stormtrooper Comes Forward: Darth Vader Groped Me

-It happened during inspection before we attacked the Rebel Force. It was a surprise attack and the groping really surprised me. I wasn't prepared for it and I didn't know how to handle it. So I just stood there and took it, says the Stormtrooper.

-It's the most humiliating experience in my life as a stormtrooper. I'd much rather die on the battlefield than have Darth Vaders rub my balls. It was just weird.

-After the incident he'd invited me to his lair and he'll come out of the shower all nude and ask me to sing a song while he pied in the fish tank. The guy is nuts.

-It was when I realised that coming forward won't change anything that I decided to do it. I'll die anyway. So what the heck. Lets do it.


Photo Webster 2703