Yes, He Really Was the President... For Real

Only a Celebrity Suicide Can Top This...

I'm not kidding, he still fucking am, untill January the 20th unless somebody throws him out. I'd like the feds to come in and bust the guys ass and carry him out like those corrupt business fuckers. That would do it for me. He's earned it.

Photo Shealah Craighead - White House 

The Republican Party is Dead

Party's Over...


The American political party, also known as Trump's Club, died in a massive political suicide in Washington DC today. A long and turbulent time finally came to and end.

State leaders from all over the world send their condolences and thanks God that the madness is over. 

Some people are better of in the ash heap of history. 


Photo The Long Sleep

Mud Party at Capitol Hill

 Last dance with Monster Trump


Trump is going out with a bang. More likely thrown out with a bang after todays coup attempt at Capitol Hill. He's probably left the country, says Washington insiders. Hiding like some overhrown dictator somewhere in South America. A bungalow, in the jungle. Eating bananas and going about his business, without toilet paper. 

Thats one way to go. From riches to rags. Once he was the President of the greatest country on earth. Now he's thrown out of even his own golf club.


Trump Expected in Hell on the 20th

 VERY DANGEROUS ARRIVAL

The town is in total lockdown until the beast is under control, but there is no need to worry, we have done this before, it's what we do, says the conductor in charge.

-We put people like Trump in cages and chain them up, like a gorilla. And we have enough weapons onboard to wipe out any army, anywhere in the world, any time, in seconds, should he or his followers try anything.

-It's a small step for me, it's my just job, but it's a huge leap for mankind. It's like an earth landing, get that ego down to earth.

-You know, we take pride in taking bad care of our visitors. Trump will no doubt get our special treatment. The kind saved for our deserving visitors. Miles away from what tourists experience when they go through Hell.

-American Presidents has a tendency to visit Norway. Obama was here too, but he was here for polar opposite reasons, to recieve the Nobel Peace Prize.

-Everyone can come see Trump displayed on Hell Square every Saturday in a pillory until the dawn of time. The charge is 1 dollar and spitting in his face. The money will go to building the new Monster Trump Park. An educational amusement park design to remind human kind of the horrors  created by theatrical asholes Trump alike.


Photo Chris Shervey

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE VIRUS

What the hell do you want?



Same as everyone else, more!

Who are you?
If I knew that, I might have been able to do something about it. 

You do understand you'll go down in history as one of the absolute worst things that ever happened?
I kinda do, yeah.

How do you feel about that?
Like a psychopath, I guess... Hard to tell, not great with feelings.

Did you have a difficult childhood?
Yes. I was born in a cave and raised by bats. You can say I have a lot of baggage.

Why earth?
Why not? Good as any.

Why now?
Would tomorrow suit you better?

How does the vaccine make you feel?
Terrible.

Why don't you give up?
It's kinda hard to stop these things once you started it.

One last wish before we wipe you out?
I know it's not on the table, but I'd prefer the electric chair. 


This interview was translated into human language by computers.


Secret Service Relieved Trump Lost

Agent admit more comfortable with failure under Trump.

-It's a miracle he's still alive.


Can't Do Blackface, Can't Do Whiteface

Guess I Have To Use My Own Face..

 -It's so much easier to be alive if I don't have to be myself, you know what I mean?! It's sort of all figured out beforehand. I don't have to think. Just copy the people around me. Don't have to deal with everyday life. I can forget my problems and have a ball, says Donald Clusterfok from Ohio.
 
-The people at these meetings respect me when I'm someone else. We never talk about the dumb shit I do, like crashing my car in a boat. We focus on other peoples dumb shit and that has made me realize that even though I fired a gun at the rescue truck, I'm still better than those other idiots.

A lot better! 

-We have a saying here, "Fuck you!", and that really resonates with me. "Ey! Fuck you, man!" It really sums up everything. "Fuck you, and you and you and you!". Life is so much easier in black and white. I don't want to add color. I want to keep it simple. I like the mask on. I'm not one of those who go to McDonalds Drive Thru to buy complicated food.

-I'm hungry. I need to take a dumb, says Donald before he carries on with his life.


Photo Martin 

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