Yui Buy All Her Presents Online and Sends It to the Wrong Addresses

-I send my parents presents to my brother and my sisters to my aunt and on Xmas eve I call them up and go "that too bad, it must have been mixed up, I'm so sorry you get all this extra work now..." Ha ha ha!

-I only do it with heavy stuff and with short dated food. My upbringing wasn't the best, I was a horrible child, my parents did their best, but there was nothing they could do. I was a total psycho and I'm continuing this behaviour in my adult years. As most my age do.

-It's all about me you see, all the time! It's not about giving, it's about how you give it! You old guys don't get that. Ultimately, the present is for me.


Photo Masashi Wakui

Santa In Negotiations To Make an Action Movie

The bidding war among the studio, in what is seen as the opportunity of the century, is nothing compared to the rather complicated demands of Santa and his team. And then there is scheduling...

Santa, who according to trade gossip is rather keen on shaking off his old fashioned image as a do godder for all kinds of shit, as he puts it. He wants back the respect he once had and sees making an action movie i Hollywood as an oportunity to get just that.

-In this film the kids die, nobody gets shit. I play a villian who is a mix of Rambo and the Joker. I want kids to fear me, I want them to believe I can make hell on earth if they behave badly, says Santa and points out:

-I'ts not enough to reward good behavior with presents these days. I have to punish bad behavoir too. I might have to kill their parent.

-From now on the kids has to prove their good, if not, I'll slaughter their parents, their pets, neigbours, friends... anything that moves.


Photo 12019

The British Empire: It's All Water Under the Bridge

Brexit is coming, Great Britain is leaving the Union, but even if they like it or not, they're still in Europe, they're not going anywhere...


Photo liushuquan

5G Makes It Impossible Taking Secrets To The Grave

-We are going to save so much space, imagine all the secrets who don't need room any longer. We've had people with so many secrets they could fill up an entire graveyard themselves, says gravedigger Johnny Dark.

-Finally the people who bury the Intelligence Community can get some rest before they pass over themselves.


Photo Gábor Bejó  

Even Mormons Believe 72 Virgins Is Too Much

The masters of polygrami question what good these men are for these women. -They are certainly not much of use dead, says Moron Mormonson.

-The whole thing is pretty lame, have they even though about condoms? With so much screwing around and no protection, paradise gotta be full of diseases by now, I mean, can you even get to heaven and not get AIDS these days?

-And for as long as Islam has existed, has anyone bothered to ask the women what they think? Is consent even a word in Arabic? It's time Arabic women demand 72 young stallions when they please. Women has to stand up for themselves, cause men are not doing it. I'm certainly not.


Photo wnk1029

London Bridge Attacker Denied Access to Paradise

-Right now Usman Khan is boiling in hell. When he is fully cooked, Satan will fry him in a nuclear reactor for 5 million years. What happens after that is not possible for humans to imagine, but I can assure you it's bad, it's very bad says Hell's spokesperson Satan junior.


Photo Johannes Plenio

Greta Thunberg Got a Boyfriend, Drops the Climate Stuff

Greta Thunberg and her new boyfriend Sebastian, a dj from Skåne, are planing to escape to the Amazonas jungle. Sebastian, who allegedly don't believe in climate change, has agreed to participate in the wild teenage fantasy.

-Running away has always been a dream of mine, ever since I was a little girl. Since I get the opportunity already as a medium girl, thanks to all this, I'm gonna take it. Why wait when I don't have to? says Greta to a journalist 5 times older than her.


Photo European Parlament