When The CIA Boss Can`t Keep The Affairs With His Mistresses Secret, The Whole Organisation Is In Deep Trouble

Bond bad. -You know I had to let you go. But before you leave, between you and me, how was she? said Obama to his former top CIA dog.

-She was worth it. Definitely. The war on terror is coming to an end and I try to get as much peace of ass that I possibly can while CIA is still hot among the chicks.

-I`m married to Michelle, so I don`t have to think like that. Besides there`s something called long time relationship, but you wouldn't know anything about that would you?

-I guess thats too much to ask for a CIA operative in times like this.

Photo The U.S. Army

Taking Down Armstrong Is Strauss Kahn`s Work

Judge Dreadful. He couldn`t go after the President, not even if Romney won. So he fried a smaller fish, says sources in the French government. Discussions about who they could fry went on for months before Kahn`s wife left him. Then it was that son of a bitch who won Tour de France way to many times.

WMA was surprised about Kahn`s willingness to discuss the accusations. He more than answered, he hit on our reporter and tried to drag her into a rom and rape her, but enough about that.

-We all knew that yankee was drugged. They all where, but it was god for our economy. They gave us much needed attention and money. So we let those rats work for us, says Kahn.

-As a thank you for arresting me for having sex with a prostitute in New York, we reveal one of the American countrymen`s bad action here. Unfortunately we can`t take anyone for having sex here. Thats why people come to France. It`s what we do. But some prefer to cycle. To us, that is a crime.

Photo World Trade Organization

That Fucker Really Got It Good Ey!

El Salvador! -What a dick, says Gunter, who studies electrical science at the Www dot University somewhere in dreamland. He`s in his 12th year and has never felt better.

-It`s moments like this, when I see my roommate shit his pants that makes it all worth it. 100 dollars to see him eat 25 hotdogs. Fuck that was disgusting.

-He should have swallowed his proud and puked it right up, but he was to self aware. Like it`s sexy to eat freaking 25 hotdogs?!

-I`ve never seen a hotdog come out of a mans ass. Next time I`m gonna get him to eat his credit card and when it`s time to pay the dinner he can pull down his pant...

Photo oati

Lance Armstrong Opens Up About The Drug Abuse

Lancenot. -It started out as a bet in a poker game. I lost a lot and had to sell drugs to pay my dues. A friend of mine knew this guy who knew this guy and he had some dough he wanted to get rid off, says Lance.

-I though maybe it`s better if I sell this in Europe, so my friends and family doesn`t get to know about it if I get caught. So we came up with this brilliant idea of going on a bicycle tour in Europe and take it from there. I mean who`s going to think a cyclist sells drugs?

-So we went to France. I`ve never heard of the place. I thought it was a city in Germany, but it turned out it was a country of their own, with their own language and guess what, bicycle race. Who has bicycle races these days? ?????? It was too good to be true.

-On my first trip I noticed people where cycling fast, like they where chasing a carrot or something so I had to speed up to not fall behind. As this continued I though to myself "I might as well take some dough to keep up".

-As soon as I sold even I did and I won whole the race which surprised me, cause I was selling to the other contesters. Maybe it`s my cancer background. After facing death I don`t care anymore. I took ten times the recommended drug abuse. I bet none of the other pussies dared that.

-So here I was back in USA with no depth and a bright future of going back and make some profit. Why not? It`s the perfect smuggler route around "France". Just wait a year so people don`t get suspicious.

-Next year everybody wanted it. I made so much money I eventually had to start a charity to fix my books and not to talk about divert attention. The French where so French about an American winning Tour de France year in and year out. I see now why so many French immigrated to America. I would have immigrated to Siberia myself. It also explains why there is so many dummies in America today.

-Yeah, so thats my story. The reason I`m here in Adelaide down under is to put my past behind me and pretend it`s not there. Anybody up for tour Australia?

Photo  ♻

Tree Decided to End It After A Lifetime In The Dark

Forrest dumb. -I never stood a chance. Those skyscrapers on Manhattan outsun me 24/7. How can I compete with that?

-And that stupid saying: If you can`t beat them join them. How can I join a building of fifth ave? How am I gonna get there, Nature`s Taxi?

-And that crap never give up I only come in 100m. The skyscrapers touch the sky. Thats why their called skyscrapers. My name is not tree scraper and doping won`t make me 6 times longer.

-I really hate in when people say the sky is the limit. No, the skyline is the limit. Believe me, I live and die by it.

Photo jebb

Lincoln Had That Muslim Hairdo Right Down

Original muslim. The declaration of independence was originally written in three languages. English, German and Arabian. The German and Arabian got lost over the years and there is talk about a hindu too.

All the images of Abe with long Muslim beard has been carefully destroyed ages ago. The US Archives only kept those with "appropriate length".

All his hindu clothes are burned. The Koran is long removed and pictures of the prophet too. Same with the imagery of naked Jesus with his 12 nude men going at it from door to door. Al gone.

Photo guano

Romney Regret He Didn`t Run For Messiah

Kingdom come. -A black guy could never won in religion. I choosed the wrong race. I should have gone with my gut instinct and not try to hide my mormonism to win people over. I could have gone for the world and I went for a tiny part of it instead... I could still be pope though... with some... campaign money.

-It is me who needs real recovery now. God, I`m gonna miss this mic. It`s like my second dick. I like to hold it with that hard firm look. It gives me the illusion of control. Who said I`m into bondage?

-God gave me gift of talking to spread his word and I used it for what? Become President of The United States Of America? No matter it didn`t work. I was spreading the wrong gospel.

Photo cornstalker