Jesus is the brain behind McDonalds

Jesburger. Jesus took 5 loaves and two fish and looked in the sky. "For the love of God, I want burgers. This is 1940, Jesus Christ. And give me some fries with that!

Thats how McDonalds got startet. Did I forget to mention Jesus`s undercover name is Ronald McDonald? -I couldn`t build this empire as me. If I walked around in my Jesus clothes and claimed God is my genetic father I would eventually get locked up. It`s hard to run a company from a prison cell unless its a drug cartel. so I needed a silly costume nobody could recognize me in.

In an interview with Time magazine Jesus said he and his dad had run a pretty successful business for over 2000 years, but felt it was time to expand. -We grew apart over the years. I never got that food part right in our first company. As the centuries passed by the fish trick became embarrassing. I wanted to fix it big.

-I looked at the world and asked how can I really impress those living here now? The answer was a little fast food restaurant in California. I bought it and went nuts. I didn`t think about nutrition. I was still stuck in year zero. Now I`m paying the price. Have to redo every goddamn restaurant in the world.

Photo avlxyz

Cry like a North Korean

Cry dog. When other school kids start to learn a second language, North Korean learn to cry. -Yes, 5 hour every week we sit together and cry for our leader, says Commander in class Obi-Han Kenobi.

-We mainly use the song Don`t cry for me Argentina to get the tears rolling, then we follow up with black metal to scare them out.

-If their not coming we point a gun in their face. That always works.

Photo emrank 

The Chinese primaries: Who will not be in charge

The Chinese Dream. -I don`t know why we do this. Actually we don`t. Everybody lose. The green is losing the election and the blue is definitely losing. As you can see red is the clear cut winner as always, says Jongy in the Survivor party.

Photo Blueshirts

The Yellow House in China

House of Elite. Chinas equivalent to the Americas White House is slightly different:

1) They couldn`t make it white.

2) Nobody really works here.

3) It doesn`t represent the people.

There`s no room for debate or participation. It`s a theatre stage with audience seats. The people are designated watchers to the communist play. Even though they claim to be the Great Hall of the People there is no way they can fit 1 billion people in there.

In USA the people decide who lives in the White House. In China the Yellow House decide who live in the country.

Photo ssr.ist4u/AcidBomber

Mr Putin looks more and more like Mr. Potato Head

Plastic man. -I like potatoes. It`s healthy, it`s cheap and it promotes agriculture in mother Russia. Speaking of Russia, I`m the father, father Russia. I don`t know who the mother is. I`m sorry and I sincerely apologize. I have not forgotten her name in disrespect. It`s just that I shag so many women I can`t possibly keep track of everything. You know, the names here are so long and difficult. Do you think it`s any easier for us?! God, we have to live with this, says Putin.

Photo Kremlin

North Korea is the biggest joke in former East Germany

Communist Korea. -Good luck on that project. Hey young Kimmy boy, have you heard of the word failure? You should look it up. It`s written all over your country. Have you heard the song don`t look back in anger? That`s true. You should look forward in anger.

-They brag about having the largest standing army. What good is an army if it`s only standing? Is that all it takes to be a solder in the North Korean army? What do they do, throw sticks at people?

Photo FredoAlvarez

North Korean teenagers can`t stop laughing when imagining what Kim Jong-un looks like if he took of his pants

Emperor's new johnson. -I`m sure it looks like a pig's tale. HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

-Or pork chops. Ha ha ha!!! He looks like he`s growing black grass on his head. His hair is ridiculous. It`s straight up, like he`s compensating for something. HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!

-HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA HA!!!! 

Photo jeffhall2069