Assad Got It Coming... Run Forrest, Run!

Acid nation. -Run for your life, while you have it. The jet bombers will catch up with you eventually, says US Military spokesperson Suckit Assad.

Photo FreedomHouse

Miley Cyrus Shocked Mixed Martial Art Crowd

Headquake. -The singer brought a Lady Gaga lookalike out on stage and beat her up. The audience didn't know how to react, it all got very silent. All we could hear was Cyrus yelling "your my bitch now", says MMA fighter Butch Bull.

-The rest of the event where cancelled. Everybody got their money back and the promoter promised Miley Cyrus will never perform at an MMA show again ever.

-The fighters wasn't mentally prepared for it. They couldn't step into the ring again after seeing Cyrus nearly killing Gaga. They where all in shock.

-Looking back I've learned that growing up with country music is way more powerful than I ever imagined. I listen to it all the time now. If I can get as brutal as Miley Cyrus to shake off that image... I'll be the next champion.

Photo :) Katie

Guy Still Jerking Off After That Miley Cyrus Stunt

Badass. -It's very embarrassing. He's a receptionist at the hotel and gives me thumbs up every time I pass him while the other hand is in his pants. He's had it there for 3 days now!

-Taxi driver's asks to take a picture jerking off next to me. Some doesn't even ask?! I got mental patients coming in my face like its bird shit.

Photo JPAvocat

Bashar al-Assad Admits -I Have A Drinking Problem

Some days... -I make stupid decision when I'm drunk. As if getting the chemicals weapons in the first place wasn't dumb enough, using them was even dumber.

-Every alcoholic know what I'm talking about and I know it's a bit late to ask for it, but can I get a part in Dumb & Dumber Too?

Photo commons wikimedia

Judgement Is Not My Best Feature, Says Bashar al-Assad

WTF. -Come on? Does it matter how I kill my own people? Their mine!

-So it's okay to use gunpowder, but not chemicals? It's gunpowder a chemical? When did gunpowder stop being a chemical?

-This is all about keeping us in the Middle Ages.

Photo james_gordon_losangeles

The West Sends Chemically Enhanced Ninja Turtles To Syria

Chemical reaction. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is on their way to hold Syria accountable for their use of chemical weapons against their own people.

How embarrassing to be beaten up by a bunch of turtles...

Photo Wikimedia Commons

New Zealand Builds 7 New Airport Terminals To Cater The Drug Traffic

War for drugs. The skyrocketing tourism industry has exploded the capasity at Wellington International Airport, forcing them to build a record braking 7 new terminals simultaneously.

NZ is awaited to be the most visited country on earth and fear running out of designer drugs. -Thats why we open up for smuggling. No merchendise no cash. We need that cash, says fuck all minister Ian Smooth.

Sources WMA has spoken to says UN is considering military intervention to stop the party. NZ say they will protect the operation with all means necessary. Their army is the size of a goat...

Photo OliverN5