Epstein Files Buried On The Moon

Arthritis II - The Great Cover Up is the most successful and expensive trip in space since Watergate. They didn't need to, but they did anyway. 

They could have deleted the files at work, it would have been much cheaper, but thats why they didn't and hid it in the dark web, the original dark web, space!

The global elite doesn't use the dark web for their criminal activities, they use the dark space, to be sure they dont get caught. 

The International Space Station has always been a front, to hide the  poker game. As long as there has been humans in space, its always been about trafficking, prostitution and gambling. 

Like on earth. Humans are what they are wherever they go. High and low.

Photo by Gregory H. Revera

There Isn't A Plastic Surgeon In The World Who Can Save Putins Face Now

 

-He could try a total reface, there are clinics in Central America who proced such operations, but he has to arrive there alive. The surgeons can't fix a dead body. Not in the shape he'll be in, says European Army Scientics, Adaku Musa, from Nigeria, at The African Union War House in Addis Abada in Ethiopia.

-Getting to Central America in one piece, forget it. Not now. If he come with a plane, they will shoot him down. Somebody. Anybody. Doesn't matter at this point. He's toast. He's not making it outside Russia alive and it's only a matter of time how long he can survive inside. 

-Besides, I don't think they operate war criminals, criminals for sure, but not war criminals, it's bad for business, who wants to be associated with that?! Or Europeans? They're a mess!

Image created by AI / public domain

Aliens Pick Up Unusual Activity On Earth

-Everything happening on the surface of earth is visable anywhere in the universe, so the Russian army is defenitly destroying earth's reputation in space, if we have one, says head of earth tourism at NASA Olivia Smith.

-If there is intelligent life in space, we can't expect them to want to come here. I seriously doubt they would see us as intelligent. Who in space would want to go to earth and risk having to deal with the Russian army?

-I hope there is hyper inteligent life out there who notice whats happening in Ukraine right now and isn't afraid of intervention.

Photo by NASA/Apollo 17 crew; taken by either Harrison Schmitt or Ron Evans

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The Russian Empire Hacks Back

In what seems to be an act of teenage frustration, the not so mighty bear of the East, lashes out on its former slave nation, for not acting as it wants.

One might wonder, what Russia, with it's 0.02% of the worlds population got to gain from behaving like a hack. Not much, judging from history.

If there is one lesson to be learned from the Sovjet Union, it's don't do it again.

Don't be such a bitch. You lost. Empires is a thing of the past. Buy Lego instead and deal with your ego there. You have to grow up. 

If there's any reconciliation, the winner wasn't all sunshine either, but still capable of being far worse than you. 

Which is why you should shut the fuck up and stop deluding yourself with greatness before the international community once more take you down, this time maybe for good.

Whatever the cost.

Illustration Public Domain

It's a Tie-In

Buy 2, get 1 for the monthly pay of a sweat shop worker

Trade is up and stores want their share, in fact, some more than others. 

-We have tried other campaigns like, buy 40 for the price of 39, and spend more than $100 and use the toilet for free, but customers wanted to bargain on the deal, like "give me two free toilet visits", "hell no, I'm not having you come back to my store to make a dump!", says the store manager at Barry's Ties.  

-So what we did was hire a bouncer to check if the customers really needed to use the toilet, turns out most of them didn't when faced with a 400 pound gorilla. 

-We finally got our sales boom when I gave up and tried to convince them to not wear them. "Keep it in your pocket, blow your nose with it", "show your boss you can affort to use it as a paper tissue". 

-It's all about understanding the younger generation, they don't take people up the system like me serious. To make the shop floor common ground, I don't take them serious either.

Photo F. Muhammad

Forgot to Frame Empire State Building When Doing Massive Stunt

-What am I gonna do?! I can't share this?! Nobody will believe I did it, says Sporty Joe.

-Not even my friends who where there. We hardly talk to each other in real life anymore, even though we stand right next to each other. I bet they didn`t notice. They where all probably too bussy on their phones doing their own poses. 

In a rare moment of self-insight, Sporty Joe looks at his camera and press record: -Maybe I wasn't the only jumper?

Photo Thomas R. Koll