After reporting the weather for 30 years he had enough

Fuck it. The broadcast never made it to air, but is said to be legendary. Even censorship laughed with tears in their eyes as the grand old weatherman ridiculed them, the network and every viewer sitting at home watching. In 30 years, when they release the tapes, we`ll see what happened. Until then we`ll just have to settle with our imagination.


Photo  scott*eric

Traffic jams in kids playrooms

Panic. Several parents reports of increasing traffic jams inside their kids playrooms. -The floor isn`t keeping up with all the toy cars. I have to get up two hours earlier in the morning just to get my kids out of bed before rush hour. Then I gotta drive them to the toilet, school & soccer practice. I`m considering moving our house into my car so I can actually spend some time with my kids.

Photo daniel spils

Fakebook

Picture perfect. The facebook life editing program, where you can delete bad behavior and present a perfect version of yourself online has it`s limits. It turns out your not the only editor of your story. Others might have another view of you and might feel the need to make a directors cut if the version you present of yourself alters too much with their perception of you. The bigger the difference, the awesomer the new cut and let`s not forget the hot new bonus material!

Image benstein

Bottom ten lists

Nobody cares. The web is flooded with top tens lists. List of crap you would newer pay attention to unless they where stuffed together with other crap it has nothing in common with except for the sexy tittle. Which makes it perfect for what web users do anyway, read the tittle and move on...

Illustration sam_churchill

North Korea number one holiday choice for ex-presidents

Propaganda holiday. Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, the list goes on and on. What drives these men to go powersurfing to North Korea? Is it the bomb? The need for leadership? The local lack of food? Is it a fat camp? Cause it can`t be the technology, or the culture. Why would you learn North Korean? What is it that makes these successful men choose North Korea rather than France when they go traveling? Leaders discretion?

Photo Riggwelter

Disapproval ratings

Hot 100. It`s tough staying number one at the charts for four years in a row with the same tunes. Not even Elvis pulled that off. You gotta change the song.

Photo Llima

No-one in Hollywood lives the Hollywood life

Recovery.  -It`s mainly the one day wonders and the wannabe`s who get into that shit nowadays. The residents stopped years ago. Too many cameras around. Back in the days the rich and famous crossed the line cause they wouldn`t get caught. Now they cross it cause they will be caught. I`m so sick of fame I replaced the carpets in my house with a wooden floor.  They wheren`t even red man!

Photo Chang'r

Victory at last

The Smurfs. Sylvester Stallone and the rest of the cast in the Expendables has won the hearts and minds of the cinema people around the world. How the hell did he do it, asks the US Army. -We`ve been trying for the last 7 years and nothing... They even paid to see that film!!!

Photo Gage Skidmore

Beer party movement

Republicans anonymous. -We feel now that the best thing to do to after our 8 years in office is of just to drink it off. Try to forget, hit the pub and live in the now. What has been has been. Why do we have to clean up the mess we created? Let somebody else do it. In the mean time - we`ll be in the pub!

Photo Coco_ro

Countdown to power

New monster. Global warming isn`t working any longer, so we need another "scary monster". Nuclear bombs are perfect. The doomsday scenario is real enough to frighten you into giving us influence over your life. Even though we don`t have a single bomb:) Ha ha!

Photo BlatantNews.com

Not for him magazine

Not ready for prime time. Some guys never get enough of what they can`t get. Maybe it`s about growing up, maybe it`s that their just men. The new NFHM Men`s Magazine hits the stands today. As if there aren`t enough already. Well actually, there is. But hey, who cares? Certainly not the featured women.

Photo Francesco Cavallari Photography 

Anorexia plague in Africa

Culture disorder. Millions are affected without even having any of the symptoms that usually are associated with the disease. -No, their fine, their smart, educated, think highly of themselves and others and live normal lifes. The only difference between them and Euromericans is that they don`t need help when the help is coming.

Photo Filipe Moreira

Sentenced to death in the electric car

Death car. Instead of giving him the electric chair, the Chinese sent him to Toyota and told them to do whatever they want with him as long as he dies. -We did the hybrid testing in North Korea and after much trial and error we ended up with a car that still kills, but not electronicly.

Photo theotherkiwi

Irans most wanted woman

Danger to men. She was last seen beating her husband in public outside the palace of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. The palace guards tried to stop her, but she was just to much for them. According to the surveillance cameras she raped them afterwards. The Iranian elite promise 1 billion rial in reward to anyone who can bring her head on a plate. So far none has dared to try.  

Photo Please! Don't Smile.

Worlds most wanted woman

Hunted. Her deadly curves is to die for. -Every man I meet wants to fuck me, and I like to fuck with every man I meet, so it`s a perfect mix says Megan Fox.

Photo Josh Jensen

Totaliran

Male paradise. Not everybody wants to free Iran. Especially not the men. If there is anybody who gains anything from this regime, it`s the men who can walk around and fuck any woman they want without even having to pay. Let`s face it, Iran is Islam`s Las Vegas.

Photo Beverly & Pack

Public mirror

Public grooming. These mirrors actually reflects back at us what we really look like in public. It`s a unique opportunity to change our image, apply another behavior and fix our reputation.

Photo Dominic's pics 

Caveman has no problems catching up with our technology

Same potential. -It`s not that hard to use an iPad, iPhone or iPod. Shiit, why don`t you try writing messages on cavewalls, send smoke signal and play music with rocks and we`ll se how fucking smart you look?!

Photo cote

The Latino dream

Rich motherfuckers. -Hey, we like it the way it is, we don`t want sales tax on our drug exports. We like Americans to keep thinking we are poor and to continue buying our stuff on the black market without realizing the cleaning job at Walmart is just a fucking cover.

Photo Jeses

Retro Bush

He had it all. The axis of evil (Iran, North Korea & Iraq), the war on terror, weapons of mass destructions, he was right on the money. Coming out of the cold war people just weren`t ready yet for a reality where bad people, not Nations, could set off a nuclear bomb anywhere in the world...

Photo Image Editor

Atomic suicide bomber

War on war. Nuke bombers, the next generation of suicide bombers, have problems getting their hands on warheads that can blast up to 4 million people way. -The conventional airplane is more accessible, but it`s not scary any longer. We need something bigger to blow people`s minds and regular car bombs doesn`t do it anymore, says  the leader of Al Qaeda`s Fallujah project.

Photo por

Ramadan is a gift basket to the troops in Afghanistan

Weakened enemy. -If we can`t beat them now, we`ll never beat them. After 30 days we`ll se whos a real muslim. If they haven`t died from hunger by then their fake and will loose face among their own. So we`re just gonna sit down and let this war end of natural causes.

Photo Yasin Hassan 

Ramageddon

Hunger strike. WHO hope the vast majority of muslims survive the self-imposed famine. UN troops stand by to ship food into emergency areas around the world at short notice. -We don`t fear as much for those in the West as those in the Arab world, says UN food for religion spokesman. In Europe and America, muslims are more and more seen in fast food chains and pubs as the strike gets ridiculously long. But in the muslim world it`s not that easy to ch/eat. On the upside, it might help US troops in Afghanistan.

Photo infomatique

Twin mosques

World mosque centre. The muslim authorities in New York opens for building two mosques at Ground Islam. -We conquered it, bitch!, says cheif architeht Muhammed. -We fucking nailed it. The mosque will house a terrorist training facility, an explosive department and a suicide room. 

Illustration eschipul

GlobeShow

Human planet. Earth, or the great stage among aliens, premieres with a new show from the face off earth this fall on Galactic Box Office. For thoose who don`t have satelite it`s available on space-ray. And you can also download it from the universe or watch the eternal re-runs on YouTube. Negotiations with Recovery Channel for a second season of GlobeShow fell through since the planet wasn`t fucked up enough for the Intergalactic Spacecasting Network. One executive says they might be more interested when earth gets closer to Armageddon - that`s television!

Illustration Tom Dehli

Opinion soldier

The battlerom. Whoever wins in Afghanistan doesn`t matter. This is where the real war is being fought. -My absence qualifies me as a judge to whoever deserves to win, says Ray, a 32 year old plumber from Ohio. -My opinion counts more than what the soldiers do on the ground. This big ass tv is all I need to make a qualified judgement.

Photo Jake Sutton

Less freedom, no democracy

Just rape them. Hamas new political slogans for the dictator state is a hit among men. -We want control over our women. We want them to do as we say and take the blame for fucking everything we do wrong. It`s a mans religion, baby. No freedom, no cry.

Photo David C. Foster

Al Qaeda PR machine

Marketing dept.  The high profile terrorist organization scores an all time high on the Nielsen rankings. -We`re very happy with our public terrorists. They do a hell of a job messing with the minds and hearts of western people. With clever use of manipulated data they manage to get more publicity than the Coca Cola company on a fraction of the budget. Yes, fear sells. That`s our slogan: we did it. We might have done one percent of the shit we claim, nobody have the exact number cause it would be too embarrassing.

Photo USN

Downloading uran in Iran

Piracy. The spread of illegal technology hurts the nuclear industry. Technology sharing is not in itself illegal. However, the popularity of the atomic bomb in the late 90`s led to the release and growth of Irans nuclear program and other organizations like Hamas and Al Qaeda that support stolen technology sharing. -We might loose 1.2m jobs and 240bn euros only in Europe, unless this madness stops, says a nuclear insider.

Photo Zoom Zoom

Jesus returns

Home religion. 400 million followers worldwide makes the Ikeadom shopping concept the most profitable cash religion in the capitalistic world. Their shopping hangars are so popular customers leave their kids in ballroom displays for pedophiles to get a few extra hours inside.

Photo by KnOizKi

CrackBerry

BlackBerry Fields Forever. So the authorities can read your messages after... Why not name the send symbol what it really is - send message via government.

Photo by sarit

Mad women

4th season. Mad women goes into it`s fourth season on AMC. In this season the independent women face a new decade with other values. Not every man is up for the bitchslappin of the zero`s anymore and Brown Draper might have to swallow some blonde afterall.

Photo gcoldironjr2003

Smokin` China

Squinty eyes. It`s why their yellow. The smog colors their skin. Scientist have yet to find out why their hair stay so prominent black when the sky is grey. -Doesn`t make sense, does it? First we though the straw hats protected them, but after the Chinese changed work from rice fields to factories, it didn`t get any greyer.

Photo Jakob Montrasio

Fuck killing

No logic. Why the killing afterwards? -Muwha hawha wahaa wwha hwmw ha wzwzæwrxz zxzxw. And you where saying? -Mhwzahaha hazahaza hahqzaqaz kzzz. And your point is? -Ha sha ha sha ha ha mzawzzw xzxzq. How can a dumb zwzxz like you put up with the West for 8 years?!

Photo Muslim World

Why the ass up?

It`s the kebab. -We like to honour the gods with garlic fumes. Foreigner never understand why we stop traffic. It would be a death trap...

Photo hapal

The Michelin Man goes on diet

Fat farm. -His spare tires are hurting our sales. So, we`re sending him on a fat camp, says Dolly Triumph, owner of the miss Michelin contest. -He`s not exactly a beauty anymore, who wants to go around with love handles the size of car tires? We hope the weight loss will get our company back in shape.


Photo tinou bao

Visit North Korea

Come to daddy. Visit North Korea kicks off a massive add campaign to attract foreign tourists to the country. -We need the money, we need their clothes, their skills, we need everything. A 2 year vacation costs the same as a 2 weeker, but you can`t get the 2 weeks. If you visit North Korea, don`t plan on seeing your family anytime soon, if ever... Have a long trip!

Photo scrapet

-I just want your attention

Misses the limelight. -My life has been real shit since I left The Fugees. I miss the gangbangs. This election is a sweet opportunity to get back on top again... - everybody screws with a president.

Photo Diaa_abdelmoneim

Wikifreaks

 

Public secret. WikiLeaks has published a secret chapter in the Afghan war diaries that can`t be opened by the public. WikiSecrets refuse to announse the password cause it will harm the very government and corporate misconduct they try to reveal.

Photo WikiMediaCommons 

Wants to be front woman in Fugees

The savior. The former Haitian, who has newer sung in her whole life, wants to be lead singer in Fugees. -Yeah, fuck yeah, says the earthquake victim. If that fucker thinks he can run our country without any political experience, sure, why not. Somebody gotta save Fugees. The band has been a disaster since Wyclef Jean left.

Photo United Nations Development Programme 

iComputer

1 for the price of 4. Get the latest iComputer with phone applications. You can speak in it, hear other people talk and even have a conversation with them.

Photo SharpTeam

The rivers of Pakistan

Angry water. The Pakistan government want to sue the world water reserves for dirty water dumping. -We have enough dirt as it it! It was flooding with shit before you came. Jesus.., what do you think we are, an international garbage dump?

Photo by  flypig

China buys the world

Cheaper than armies. -We just send out businessmen with loads of cash and the usual lubrication to get control over the worlds natural resources. It`s so easy. The West is so fucked after 10 years of terrorism, our best buying point is we`re not them, says a Chinese delegate at the World Economic forum.

Photo World Economic Forum

-They didn`t invite me to the wedding

Go figure. -That why it was so expensive. We had 500 Secret Service guys making sure she didn`t sneak inn. The bitch nearly destroyed the president and his marriage. -Thanks god shes old, says Bill. Word has it she got an unofficial restraint order of 10 thousand miles and is banned to perform in the White House. She put on quite a show. It`s the most known blow job to mankind and nobody saw it.

Photo Wikipedia

They are still married!

Long gun marriage. Chealsa and her husband are still married after 48 hours. -When they can stand the high profile media coverage, they can stand anything. Not even death can tear them apart now.

Photo Kyle Cassidy

Finance acrobatics

Get insane rich. Learn how to screw everybody. How to fuck up an entire company and walk away from it with a boner. Finance acrobatics teaches you the basics in ego greed. You`ll learn to not care about fucking anything than yourself and be inspired by the sufferings of others. If you wanna marry prostitutes at 70, visit financeacrobatics.com and get screwed.

Photo by laszlo-photo

Should be stoned for killing raped women

Supreme asshole of Iran. Ali Khamenei should taste his own justice and so should also every muslim man who rape and kill women with stones. If muslim men keep treating women like this, it won`t be long until the war on terror is replaced by war on men.

Photo wikimedia commons