NATO Soldiers Will Show Up Unannounced at Concerts in the Islamic State

NATO announce today that their soldiers will attend concerts inside the Islamic State and kill everyone.

Trucks will also be hijacked and filled with explosives before driven into densely populated areas in addition to the superior Allied Army force who will perform heavy random bombing on a scale the world has never seen before.

Army experts say the explosions can be seen from Jupiter and reassures that the heavy bombing will not affect earth's orbit around the sun, but it will not be possible to escape the sound from the massive blasts anywhere. NATO urge every citizen on earth to use ear plugs between 12.00-14.00, 0 standard time zone (UTC), to avoid hearing loss.

-We call this operation random hell and we will continue until they surrender. Which include the use of nuclear bombs if necessary. 15 years of friendly fire has got us nowhere, from here on its all in, says Nato General John Fire.

This is the last chapter of the war on terror, it ends either when they understand the only outcome is total death and surrender or just total death.

Photo skeeze

Trumps Father Marries an Albatross

It will be his 40th wife, but he doesn't expect it to last more than a few weeks. -We're both animals.

Even though Trump senior rule over a large peace of the jungle he has to travel abroad to find a spouse. -It's a shame, I got all the bananas in the jungle and no one wants me. So I go to places where females are so desperate for survival that they will put up with anything.

-It's the art of the deal. It's all about the negotiation... You got to find the right partner!

Photo cocoparisienne

Dumb Animal Probably Behind Terrorist Attack

-It takes a dumb mammal to do such thing. We are all dumb, therefor, logistically speaking, chances are it's one of us, says ape guru Dalai Mama from the Kardashian ape tribe Donaldo in Botswana.

-Off course, stupidity exists among bats, whales, cats and humans, but not in such large scale as Chinese Dust Monkeys.

-Only a handful of humans escape their country to go to these jihad training camps whereas we dust monkeys send all our own to these training camps.

-For us is essential that we learn to jump, duck and fall. It's what we do, but when I see a human here I go "We got ourself a nutcase here. Someone who thinks he can make a difference".

Photo Alexas_Fotos

Storage Cages for Kids Removed from Market

-It's a pity, it's the cheapest babysitter in town. Which mean I can drink even harder... says Toby, who makes it clear he likes his children , but not as much as the cage.

If I had to choose between my children and the cage, I'd choose the cage. I hope it comes back on sale and I wish they make it bigger so I can put in my wife there too.

-I know there is a lot of shaming going on. But what do people expect? I was drunk when I meet their mother, I was drunk when they where born and I'm drunk now. I'm steady as a rock.

Foto Morten Liebach

Environmentalist Worry More About Her Fartprint

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-Cows and sheep both fart and burp toxic fumes into the atmosphere. What if I do the same? We just don't know it yet? says Isabelle, who is deeply concerned about the wellbeing of our planet. So much she's using a buttplug - just in case.

-Better safe than sorry. I got a big butt...

-Think of all the women who flock to the fitness centres to get bigger butts. They might damage the eco system. This could be the end. We need to implement climate quotas.

-We have to think about how much a person can fart and if they should be able to trade H2S quotas with other people?

-This could be a welcome extra income to smalltime farters and it gives an opportunity for people who fart too much to stay instead of getting thrown out of the country.

Photo Pexels

Trump Took Action To Silence Russian "Lady Friend"

-I Will Take Care of Trump

-I know how to handle this guy. I grew up with a dictator. I recognise his tricks, says Kim Jong-un.

-The world can't have a two unpredictable leaders. Thats my spot, he's stealing my act,... I mean, my fathers act. For that I will put him down.

-There's no need for a coalition lead by North Korea, there's not even a need for North Korea. I will do this on my own. I studied Kung Fu in 3rd grade and got a 7rd degree black belt in 1 hour. I'm leaving Pyongyang for Washington tomorrow morning in my underpants.

Photo driver Photographer